Forum Discussion
How to prioritise self care?
So self care is the mantra in survivorship right?
I need to do gym three times a week for the weight bearing exercises to stave off the bone damage of Letrozole. Haven't managed to work that into my schedule since early last December.
On the days when I'm not at the gym I have to walk because minimum of 30 mins a day exercise, preferably an hour.
I have to bust stress, of which I have an excess. So I'm starting a yoga class on Saturday morning. Can't use food and booze to stress bust anymore.
I have to sort out my head, get rid of the depression, manage the anxiety, so it's a psychologist appointment every two or three weeks. She wants me to journal. I struggle to find the time. She also wants me to spend 30 minutes a day doing something I enjoy, just for me.
I saw my dietician today about my failure to knuckle down and lose weight. My willpower is rubbish and as you know, it's like rolling a boulder up a hill trying to lose weight in menopause on an AI. Have to eat a low sat fat diet because of the Letrozole cholesterol issues. I have to cook most days of the week for a vegetarian, three meat-eating teenagers and a Type 2 diabetes octogenarian.
There's also the assorted ongoing medical appointments that seem to roll around with remarkable frequency.
This afternoon on my way home from the dietician in Town, I received a phone call from my son saying my daughter was vomiting, a lot. She was already home with extreme tiredness and what she described as stress from the overwhelming amount of schoolwork she has (Yr 10). Of course it could be just that, or glandular fever, but my mind goes straight to cancer. Lymphoma probably...
I also get an email from school about my nephew (Yr 8) He's got yet another detention after being given several warnings to rein in his classroom behaviour. The teacher is "beginning to wonder if he has impulse control issues".
My son, starting uni next week, has done nothing whatsoever about learning to drive or getting a job and has zero money. How does he think he is going to pay for his day to day uni life? He's been sitting in his room playing computer games and watching anime since November. From the beginning of January I've made him cook dinner once a week.
My niece continues to be the most difficult of them all. Almost continually rude, refuses simple requests, sulky, terrible sleep issues & much more.
So to properly deal with each one of those issues takes buckets of time and buckets of money. GP appointments, specialist child psychologists and who knows what else. About to take vomiting daughter to the doctor now.
My self care, if done properly, would take buckets of time and buckets of money.
There are no buckets here. If there's a choice I have to prioritise the kids. Any prioritising of myself is already accompanied by massive guilt.
I am really struggling to arrange my survivorship life. And that's even before I start trying to find and then hopefully get a job. How does everyone do this? How do I recover fully and lead a healthier, engaged life in survivorship, and take care of everyone else, have a satisfying relationship with my partner, a job, maintain contact with my friends, keep fit, lose weight, not be stressed and feel OKish about everything? Is it actually possible to do at all?
Yours from the House of Bad Behaviour and Vomit, K
I need to do gym three times a week for the weight bearing exercises to stave off the bone damage of Letrozole. Haven't managed to work that into my schedule since early last December.
On the days when I'm not at the gym I have to walk because minimum of 30 mins a day exercise, preferably an hour.
I have to bust stress, of which I have an excess. So I'm starting a yoga class on Saturday morning. Can't use food and booze to stress bust anymore.
I have to sort out my head, get rid of the depression, manage the anxiety, so it's a psychologist appointment every two or three weeks. She wants me to journal. I struggle to find the time. She also wants me to spend 30 minutes a day doing something I enjoy, just for me.
I saw my dietician today about my failure to knuckle down and lose weight. My willpower is rubbish and as you know, it's like rolling a boulder up a hill trying to lose weight in menopause on an AI. Have to eat a low sat fat diet because of the Letrozole cholesterol issues. I have to cook most days of the week for a vegetarian, three meat-eating teenagers and a Type 2 diabetes octogenarian.
There's also the assorted ongoing medical appointments that seem to roll around with remarkable frequency.
This afternoon on my way home from the dietician in Town, I received a phone call from my son saying my daughter was vomiting, a lot. She was already home with extreme tiredness and what she described as stress from the overwhelming amount of schoolwork she has (Yr 10). Of course it could be just that, or glandular fever, but my mind goes straight to cancer. Lymphoma probably...
I also get an email from school about my nephew (Yr 8) He's got yet another detention after being given several warnings to rein in his classroom behaviour. The teacher is "beginning to wonder if he has impulse control issues".
My son, starting uni next week, has done nothing whatsoever about learning to drive or getting a job and has zero money. How does he think he is going to pay for his day to day uni life? He's been sitting in his room playing computer games and watching anime since November. From the beginning of January I've made him cook dinner once a week.
My niece continues to be the most difficult of them all. Almost continually rude, refuses simple requests, sulky, terrible sleep issues & much more.
So to properly deal with each one of those issues takes buckets of time and buckets of money. GP appointments, specialist child psychologists and who knows what else. About to take vomiting daughter to the doctor now.
My self care, if done properly, would take buckets of time and buckets of money.
There are no buckets here. If there's a choice I have to prioritise the kids. Any prioritising of myself is already accompanied by massive guilt.
I am really struggling to arrange my survivorship life. And that's even before I start trying to find and then hopefully get a job. How does everyone do this? How do I recover fully and lead a healthier, engaged life in survivorship, and take care of everyone else, have a satisfying relationship with my partner, a job, maintain contact with my friends, keep fit, lose weight, not be stressed and feel OKish about everything? Is it actually possible to do at all?
Yours from the House of Bad Behaviour and Vomit, K
136 Replies
- I've just had a good friend call in to tell me his partner--also a good friend--is back on the cancer train. She was first diagnosed in her thirties now she is the same age as me and it is in both breasts and her liver. Shes having a double mastectomy and clearances in a week or so and is refusing to talk to anyone about it. I don't blame her one bit, but he's stressing and wants me to go out and see her next week. I love them both to bits, but he's a pushy old prick and if he's setting her up like this with multiple people I will kick his arse.
This is a classic example of people deciding what is '''best" for someone else based on what they think they would want for themselves. Of course I'll go and see her but I will ring first not 'just call in' I don't think he understands how hard it can be. 'You know what it's like' may be true, but she's a very private and independent woman who is going to resent being thrown to the pity pack when she has expressly told him she wants to be left alone. Once she knows what she's up against things will no doubt change; we've supported each other through a variety of disasters but it's always been a matter of one or the other figuring out what they need, then the other helping.
I fucking hate this disease. - Oof, I'm hobbling around considerably more today. Yoga stretched and used muscles that haven't been used in a while, especially my triceps. All that downward dog! It's a much better soreness than the AI pain though. I'll take it!
- How lovely to have those options @Afraser. Good on you.
- Agree with all that @Patti J so I am battling a bit about whether to leave my job this year. Be happy to take on a new (part time) one but worried slightly about achieving that at 73. I was offered one late last year, timing was all wrong unfortunately, so there is hope! Have enjoyed the last 5 years immensely, but the major project is now finished and the day to day isn't very satisfying. Life's too short to spend days and weeks without feeling that work has purpose. Decision by beginning of May, so I can head overseas with a clear plan to come back to. Looking forward is a great feeling.
- @kitkatb. Even when I was having IV chemo., I couldn't wait to finish so that I could go to work for a few hours. I was so bored. I will be working till I drop. I really enjoy this job.
Working gives your life structure as well as an income and social contact. - All the best for starting back at work @kitkatb! How exciting for you - I hope they start you on light duties initially xxx
- @kitkatb Big hug my far away friend. Best of luck, K xox
- I'm hoping so @kmakm will let you know how it goes.
- @kitkatb I am envious that you have part time work to do. The structure and job satisfaction may very well help you to feel better.
- @kmakm agree with you there. I am due to start back to work slowly in the next couple of weeks so will be interesting if it changes my outlook in any way at all. xo
