How to prioritise self care?

I've just had a good friend call in to tell me his partner--also a good friend--is back on the cancer train. She was first diagnosed in her thirties now she is the same age as me and it is in both breasts and her liver. Shes having a double mastectomy and clearances in a week or so and is refusing to talk to anyone about it. I don't blame her one bit, but he's stressing and wants me to go out and see her next week. I love them both to bits, but he's a pushy old prick and if he's setting her up like this with multiple people I will kick his arse.

This is a classic example of people deciding what is '''best" for someone else based on what they think they would want for themselves. Of course I'll go and see her but I will ring first not 'just call in' I don't think he understands how hard it can be. 'You know what it's like' may be true, but she's a very private and independent woman who is going to resent being thrown to the pity pack when she has expressly told him she wants to be left alone. Once she knows what she's up against things will no doubt change; we've supported each other through a variety of disasters but it's always been a matter of one or the other figuring out what they need, then the other helping.
I fucking hate this disease.