Pet peeve

Hi Chris I am the same, way it all becomes too much to keep talking about its hard to get enthusiatic about anything some days are good some days not so, just chocolate days. Today is that type for me. My neighbours have been soo sweet there is one that has cancer and is alone as her husband is having a bi -pass and is having complications. She had to have a full body transfusion, I dropped off a present at her door of books and she has just been quiet and I think she feels soo down . I wnat to offer more but I know she just wants to be left alone. I feel so bad for her. . Just have to wait to see things through. Good luck Love Peta

Some people just don't react to illness well when their friends have cancer. They get all, you need your privacy, mode on and they can really take your looks and what you are going through to heart and perhaps they have their own little depressions in life going on and wish to put a little gap in the relationship until things come a bit better again.

I have noticed in my life, some friends are stickers and some just drift off and do their own thing. That's ok, I just want the best ones anyway. Life can be strange, I have had a couple of particular friends move and even though we met and chatted for years, I never heard another word from them. They could be dead for all I know and it pains me they never stayed in contact. Just life I guess.

Hi Ady

I can understand how you must be feeling. I have experienced similar things from a couple of my family members. I was hurt so much about why they would behave as if life was just fine whereas in reality my life was thrown completely out of whack. I realised later that it's much better to cut out these sort of people from being around you in such tough times. At the end of the day the pain you will get is in your own body and it cannot be shared with anyone. But mentally you can only be strong if you are surrounded by strong and positive people. Weakness or negativity will only make your pain worse. We shouldn't be spending energy on thinking about or fixing relationships right now instead we should be focusing on ourselves and fixing ourselves. Once i m fixed i will have full mental physical and emotional capacity to kick their butts and ask bluntly what the hell they were thinking and how dare they behaved this way with me. 

Xoxo P

Chocolate is always a great pick-me-up!!! Enjoy ?

Hi Ady,

As you can see, many have experienced similar feelings to what you are going through. My 20 year old son refused to discuss it and spent as much time away from me as possible. I realise now that it was how he was coping with it. He was terrified that he was going to lose his mum and he dealt with that by trying to make his life seem as normal as possible and the only way he could do that was being away from me. I had very close friends who just dropped me like a hot scone too! I think part of it is that I have always been one to cope and get on with things. I worked part time through out treatment, (I really wonder how I managed now) and I think people thought that I genuinely was doing ok. I don't like showing my vulnerabilities and very few people saw me at my worst moments. But hello!!! . I had cancer! I was having chemo, radiotherapy and herceptin infusions. How could people possibly think I was ok? I also think for some people it's just to hard to be there to watch. They can't cope with the feeling of helplessness. And yes, some people are just arses! The fact is, it needs to be all about you at the moment and no matter how painful it is or how much it hurts you, you need to surround yourself with the helpful, positive people that you need who are going to help you get through. I was speaking to a counsellor about this very thing the other day. As a community, we have become very selfish. Everyone is all about themselves  and it's not that others don't think about us but they are just caught up in the business of their own lives. Sad isn't it? it's just yet another part of this bloody process for some of us. Hang in there. Karen xox

Thank you Maryrose. That is sad for you. Yes it is great to be able to chat on here and vent if we need to. We certainly all have a lot in common! Certainly made me feel good today after I got my vent off my chest.

Ady :-)

I had some of my closest friends literally abandon me didnt hear from them for months. I am estranged from my family and they only recently found out about my diagnosis havent heard boo from any of them. So you are not alone try not to dwell on it too much focus your energies on getting better.

You will always have a friend here ????

Maryrose

Yes agree that some people see cancer as 'contagious'. Shame about your brother and sister-in-law. But it is their loss and glad you have put them in the too hard basket! I have a few other family members that are in that basket at present re other stuff so let I them be and hopefully one day they will see the light and be somewhat human to my husband and me. It is hard having BC with all the appointments etc. Even though I do not like having radiotherapy I do enjoy seeing the technicians each day and love the coffee shop at the hospital. XX

Yes it can be an exhausting time so I am concentrating on me for now and will not let those 'odd' people worry me. Their loss. Actually at present I am concentrating on chocolate haha. Just have a craving for some so may dash down to the shop and get some. No reason why I cannot treat myself XX

My daughter is 31. She is in a new relationship (Mother not happy but she is an adult!) and has just bought a house with partner so is very involved with her life now and we take second fiddle! I do miss my grandson though.