Forum Discussion
Out of the blue a breakdown
I still don't know what happened but my girlfriend reckons its just hormones messing with me.
I am a bc survivor of just over a year. All the treatment is over except for tamoxifen daily.
I went in shopping with my hubby just the two of us with no adult sons or dad which was nice as its rare we have time alone. I got my groceries done and we went to a particular grocers to buy some things for our neighbours on special which they requested. It must have been a good special as the place was packed with people. I looked all down one side of special Asian cooking stocks while hubby went for the specials. When I joined him he grabbed me and pulled me back saying "look out, you're in the way" of some lady passing by. Then not one minute later he did the same darn thing! I just felt like a little kid who had no business being in the shop in the first place and ran out of the shop and sat in the car. He got in and apologized for yelling at me and I just lost it. I bawled and bawled and when I got home I hid in my room bawling some more and when my hubby left to go back in to town I came out of my room still weeping. I have no idea why and I have not cried since. Blimey it takes it out of you. I have been pretty much just sitting around doing very little for days since.
I am a bc survivor of just over a year. All the treatment is over except for tamoxifen daily.
I went in shopping with my hubby just the two of us with no adult sons or dad which was nice as its rare we have time alone. I got my groceries done and we went to a particular grocers to buy some things for our neighbours on special which they requested. It must have been a good special as the place was packed with people. I looked all down one side of special Asian cooking stocks while hubby went for the specials. When I joined him he grabbed me and pulled me back saying "look out, you're in the way" of some lady passing by. Then not one minute later he did the same darn thing! I just felt like a little kid who had no business being in the shop in the first place and ran out of the shop and sat in the car. He got in and apologized for yelling at me and I just lost it. I bawled and bawled and when I got home I hid in my room bawling some more and when my hubby left to go back in to town I came out of my room still weeping. I have no idea why and I have not cried since. Blimey it takes it out of you. I have been pretty much just sitting around doing very little for days since.
21 Replies
- My buddies picked me and my horse Lucky up 2 weeks after my 2nd chemo round for a beach trail ride. It was awesome fun
- Don't even worry about! We all have a big cry - we have to to wash out the emotion that happened. Then we're back to good Gain. Gosh people walk into each other all the time. We are all so distracted by all the bright displays and noise in the shops these days no wonder we end up smashing into someone and more than once! And don't let anyone even suggest that there's a problem. Only if it's diagnosed you can't see. That's a different matter but your ok now and you are well so act well and tell everyone you're well and the more you believe yourself so will others! Get back riding and participate in a club with your mates again. Where you left off. Start slow and build up your body strength. Ask to share a mates horse on a club day. They ride first lesson and you ride the second lesson. You're fine now so get on with it! You can do it! Xxx
- Hi Brenda. I burst into tears because my pressure cooker wasn't working...can you believe that? Flip...it meant I had to come up with plan B but really didn't feel I could handle the pressure. So silly.
As @socoda pointed out...you have recently ceased anti-depressants. Often we feel no different initially then about 3 to 4 weeks after stopping, depression can slip back in and all that anxiety over simple things, feeling criticized, something we normally might just laugh off can feel really personal and belittling. Your confidence has been shaken. I know you had issues with your medication but it may be time now to look at an alternatives that won't give you the awful side effects.
Hope you are taking care of you and trying to get out of the house for short trips doing something you like. Hope things improve soon. Kath x - Hi Brenda, sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. I've started reading about the ideas around self compassion. These are connected to mindfulness and not being too tough on yourself. They are worth looking into. I am also affected by the seasons and feel down when it gets cooler. Worth talking to someone at the Cancer Council. I have found the counselling very helpful. Take care x
- Hi Brenda, maybe you should do something that makes you happy. Are you that caring person that loves horses ? Maybe you could do some voluntary work with riding for the disable. Your life is probably busy enough . Just make time for yourself and do something you love.
- Hi Brenda so many ups an downs we have to cope with ..perhaps hubby is also very fragile ..maybe some calming therapy could be on the agenda ..together or alone all the best Bright
- Hey @Brenda5, lovely, I reckon that we are all our own worst enemies when it comes to our self expectations and how we should handle things 100% of the time. Bullcrap!!!! There is nothing wrong with having a good sob every now and then and if it is slightly longer than you're used to it just means that you must have needed that release. Did I read that you had ceased antidepressant medication recently? Could be a reason for being a bit teary if you're body is no longer having the chemical stabilisers?? Either way I'm sending you a huge hug, and hoping that you soon feel better. Oh I can hear a jigsaw puzzle calling you too!!!! Xx Cath
- @Brenda5 we are so complex. It is really hard to workout the effect of treatment long after it has finished. I probably agree with your friend that hormones are playing a big part in what is happening to you. In the scheme of things no harm done. You probably felt rotten but you handled it.
I am constantly overtaxing myself and then need to rest or get cranky or both.I do not know at this stage what I can and cant do. So maybe you have been doing too much without realizing it. Who knows?
Nothing surprises me in the cancer journey anymore. keep well. - I get like that too sometimes. It was worse in the year or so after treatment. Hormones relating to menopause i think. I'm not on any hormonal treatment so i can't blame that. Its an emotional roller coaster this cancer thing...but it sounds like hubby has your back. Hugs Anne
