Feeling flat

I think you should go eat prawns with @zoffiel in the river that sounds beautiful. I have learnt through all this you find out who you true friends and family are and fuck all the others blood or not I say. Margie xx

I agree with @Afraser - talk to your daughter about this.  She obviously knows what's going on with the extended family and is no doubt, furious with them - I would be if it was my Mum.  Tell her that she's the important one you want to spend Christmas with and do it - no negative bullshit.

I have very difficult parents. It has taken me a long time to get where I am now and to not be manipulated by them. They do not have any emotional support for me so I find other ways they can help. I have learnt to put boundaries in place, the don’t react well to this but I just remind myself that their reactions are irrational and not how normal caring parents treat their children. You need to look after yourself, especially now. Find other people that can support you, just because they are your parents, doesn’t mean they have to be a major part of everything you’re going through. I am always careful not I be provocative, it never helps in the long run even I it feels good in the short term. You’re not alone.

Yes I agree with others just do what you want for Xmas day. Im sure your daughter will just want you to be happy. 

Sounds like your family have always been selfish and difficult and your need for support at the moment has just magnified the hurt for you. Im sure they love you, but not in the way you want to be loved.
I spent 20 years of my life with a selfish husband desperately trying to make him see, studying all kinds of books to understand, hurting, wishing, hoping, analysing, going over an over all the pain, reaching out for things he was incapable of giving. The day I walked out I was terrified I would not survive. 13 years later I'm soaring and he is still the same miserable b@#$%^  he always was.
 My new partner comes from a very similar background. He was once told by a counsellor, you cant change any one else, you can only change the way you react to them. We have both found this very useful. We refuse to give toxic people the reactions they are looking for. We have stopped trying to get insensitive people to become sensitive. We have stopped playing into their dramas. We regretfully accept that it isnt personal, its not us, its them. We nurture ourselves and this means we are less dependant on the approval of others. We have found new places to get the love and support we need. This is a good place to start.
Its your family, I know its different. But just know some people arent able to give only to take. Its not you. xxxx
And get some lovely soothing cream on that poor burnt boob. I didnt have rads so I havent experienced this but I did feel sad and sorry after mastectomy, expander and implant this year. Cry if you need to, then one day soon you wont need to cry any more. Its not silly, Its ok. xxxxxx

You didn't lose a friend @mollygirl you lost an attachment. Which you can probably do without.
I'll bet someone quietly steps into that gap in your life while you are not even watching. Cancer is funny like that; it's a foul wind, but it does blow away a shitload of chaff. What is left at the end is worth keeping. Marg xx

Hendrix said:

Good morning lovelies......I sometimes feel I’m better off without them in my life as I’ve kept my distance from them before and felt really good.  Can anyone offer any advice? thank you xx

I think your post to us today has the answer already!  You are at a crucial stage of recovery and emotional crap can set you back!  Go with what is right for you and your daughter!  Fallout would probably occur whether you went or not!  So why not weather the storm from a distance rather than in the line of fire!!  Of course it is your choice and if you choose to go that is fine too!

Focus on recovery, your business venture and check out Otis Foundation for a free holiday  https://www.otisfoundation.org.au/page/1/about

There are 11 retreats in Victoria!  I have been and loved it and others on here will vouch for Otis; it is of great benefit and you can take your daughter or whoever else you may want!

Take care x

@Hendrix, do what you want to do. Put yourself first and if anyone doesn't like it tell them to f..k off. Its disappointing when family treats you like shit.
Wishing you a merry  Christmas no matter what you decide.
XO

F word. Seriously, @Hendrix that's just not fair to you. And who the hell says no to you after all that. Shessh, some people just let you down don't they. I hope the Geelong Christmas lunch goes well and you and your daughter have a beautiful day. My thoughts are with you and you know you have this safe space to vent any time and we really do understand. Lots of love, Bec xx

@Afraser @Mollygirl @Caseypinto my daughter is 26 and would definitely be ok with us not going...it just gives her more ammunition to dislike them more. And yes I get that bullshit from my mum...what about me and what I’m going through...like what! My sister made reference to my been scared of cancer will come back to my niece been scared about a kidney scan her 5 year old had. I’m not sure how those 2 are related. No she wasn’t been scanned for cancer! I contacted one of my best friends and asked if i could come stay after Xmas just to get away as I was feeling quite down and she said no. Taking a drive down to Geelong to catch up for a xmas lunch with a friend hopefully she can lift my spirits. Thank you all lovelies Nellie xx

I prefer not to have non understanding family come to visit. Therefore I am taking a ham down on Christmas day to the family, spending an hour or two there talking about nothing but the weather and vagary and then duty done I can get off home again.