Difficulty in acknowledging that I have breast cancer

Thanks Lisa I appreciate your ideas which I will put into practise. Will definitely try walking which is more my style. Thanks again, Louise 

Hi Lululu. It's been 4 weeks since my diagnosis & the only way I can describe how I feel is detached. When I'm talking to someone about it, it kind feels like I'm talking about someone else. 

Also, like you, I feel like I'm supporting family & friends at times, with their reactions.

all the best with your treatment

lyn

It certainly is a difficult time and as others have commented it is the waiting for results, appointments and treatment that are exhausting.  You feel, you are not in control of your life.  Be brave and as others have said take each day as it comes and try and get some exercise.  Just to be outside clears your head and gives you a different perspective on the situation.  I thought my Breast Cancer was behind me three years ago but another type of Cancer returned in my other breast earlier this year...so two mastectomies. Knowledge and experience are a great thing so this time it is not so daunting and overwhelming.  I am not enjoying the chemotherapy effects but realise it is a means to a good outcome.  I have cried and then got over it.  You are allowed to indulge yourself so do not try to be too brave BUT you will overcome this eventually. Get well soon.  Fruit Pigeon

Hi Louise,

Welcome to the network.  Sorry to hear a you have bc, but it's why we all come together in the first place.  I've found so much support from some of the fantastic women on this network, and after reading earlier comments, they've given such good advice. 

I was diagnosed in late April after finding the lump myself.  I remember vividly the phone call from my gp while I was at work regarding the biopsy and my whole world collapsed that day.  I've found the only way I've gone through this is with the support of my family, husband & 2 teenagers, family and this network.  I've also found certain other family members and some friends have difficulty coping with the news and I'm learning to deal with that.  Those who listen and make me laugh so much, that I  feel like my stitches will burst, have been the best help. 

Focus on things one at a time.  Your next thing is the pathology, so take someone with you to remember to ask the right questions.  Unfortunately, my results weren't that great with unclear margins, so after a further excision was unsuccessful, I had to have a mastectomy, 3 1/2 weeks ago.  Long term plan is a breast reconstruction for my 50th.

I think what really hit me about the cancer diagnosis was watching my surgeon write it down on the hospital referral form.  In beautiful loping handwriting, she wrote Breast Carcinoma, and I thought WTF, she's talking about me!!

In recovery, I try to walk everyday.  It started small but have now extended to the usual running route that I used to do.  It's good to get out of the house and have a cry by the river, then return home.  My next stage of treatment is chemo (12 weeks), starting next Tues.

I remember the early days being very difficult and I think it was because I was trying to get my head around the fact that I had cancer.  (Always been fit and healthy!)  I found I just had to ride the wave of emotions.  I found the worst bit is waiting,.. waiting for pathology, waiting for appts etc.  But, what has improved now, is that once I know what my treatment plan is, and what to (sort of) expect, things have settled a little.  

Be kind to yourself in these early days.  Listen to your body, if you need to rest, then rest.  It certainly is a roller-coaster. 

Take care now,

Karen xx

Hi Louise

I am 14 months down the track and nearly finished treatment with only 3 more herceptin to go. It turned out I had 3 tumours (grade 3, stage 0) so ended up having more scans, ct scans and all sorts of tests, then a lumpectomy, then 6 months of chemo, then 33 treatments of radio.  I finished the radio on 19/12/14 so we had Christmas and my sons 21st in the beginning of January. I worked part time all the way through apart from the first 6 weeks of chemo. Everything happened so fast and all my attention was on doing what I had to do and getting by the best way I could. It sounds ridiculous but it is only in the last couple of months  that I have been able to realise and acknowledge  how sick I have been. I have finally had time to start to digest everything I have been through and it is a bit of a shock. None of us expect this diagnosis and for me, I didn't expect the biopsies to come back positive. I wasn't worried at all as I honestly thought it would be fine. Give yourself time. You will get your head around it at some point. Take care and good luck for getting your pathology back on Monday. Karen xox

Hi Lululu,

I was diagnosed 11 years ago, and I still remember that moment... I felt as though a train had come out of the wall and driven right through me... pushing my guts to the other side of the room behind me... shock I guess. Disbelief, guilt at being ill for the family, etc etc. I agree that if you didn't feel what you do now you would not be normal.

One week after my BreastScreen Mammogram my breast was off and I reckon it took 6 months for my brain to catch up with my body. (I had had them every two years since age 40 and they said I was a good patient because they could refer back to all the clear scans, and then at age 52, there were two + in the lymph nodes!)

During chemotherapy the illness from the drugs made me go into a state of coping day to day, and again no time for the brain to fully comprehend that diagnosis. those words "I am sorry but you have breast cancer" are a great leveller!!

Please be kind to yourself especially emotionally. Do cry.. I didn't for 18 months but boy what a dam wall I broke! Crying is beneficial, being brave when your energy levels are low is not.

We are all here for you! x Mandy

Hi, sorry to hear about your diagnosis and welcome to the network. Most people are shocked, that's quite normal. I always expected to get BC because of my family history, I am unlucky No. 7 since my maternal grandmother. So I wasn't shocked, just sad. I get what you mean about dealing with the family, at times I felt like I was the one doing the comforting. All the best with your recovery and don't forget to take time and spoil yourself, keep in touch,

Hazel xx

Hi Louise

It is a whirlwind in the first few weeks of diagnosis and treatment. I was definitely in shock and could not believe that I was facing this. I think it is fairly common to us all when we are told we have cancer. I took it one day at a time and focused on getting rid of it and getting better. You have caught it early at stage 1 so that's a positive.

Try and look after yourself and rest and do things that make you feel good. This really is the time to focus on your needs. Get as much information as you are comfortable with from your treating Drs.

I exercise every day and meditate which I have found incredibly helpful. I didn't mediate before so this is new to me but it has really helped me live in the moment. That's just my experience though and you may find other ways to process your situation. It does take time though!

I wish you all the best. Don't hesitate to ask more questions on here as there is always someone willing to assist.

Lisaxx

Thanks Tracey, I seem to be dealing with the family over their concerns maybe that's why it's taking me a while to accept it. I will do as you suggest and take one appointment at a time, and talk to my breast care nurse. Thank you for your suggestions & support. Louise xo

Hi Lululu, if you weren't so shocked then there would be a problem. It is very confronting to get a diagnosis of cancer, so give yourself time to process all the information that you are given, and take it 1 appointment at a time. Your breast care nurse can give you useful information and support, also this network is very supportive. Take care, Tracey B ??