Hi Lululu,
I was diagnosed 11 years ago, and I still remember that moment... I felt as though a train had come out of the wall and driven right through me... pushing my guts to the other side of the room behind me... shock I guess. Disbelief, guilt at being ill for the family, etc etc. I agree that if you didn't feel what you do now you would not be normal.
One week after my BreastScreen Mammogram my breast was off and I reckon it took 6 months for my brain to catch up with my body. (I had had them every two years since age 40 and they said I was a good patient because they could refer back to all the clear scans, and then at age 52, there were two + in the lymph nodes!)
During chemotherapy the illness from the drugs made me go into a state of coping day to day, and again no time for the brain to fully comprehend that diagnosis. those words "I am sorry but you have breast cancer" are a great leveller!!
Please be kind to yourself especially emotionally. Do cry.. I didn't for 18 months but boy what a dam wall I broke! Crying is beneficial, being brave when your energy levels are low is not.
We are all here for you! x Mandy
