Break from DR GOOGLE
Apologies as I have been absent from this forum for a while. Reason being, I've deliberately had to give my mind a break from all things cancer!
I must stress that I am not abandoning my fellow pink sisters. I just finished my treatment a couple of weeks ago and have been troubled with terrible anxiety. Feeling this way inevitably clouded my judgment and filled my head with irrational negative thoughts. In the beginning of our journey we strongly advised against consulting DR GOOGLE but I'm afraid I succumbed this after my treatment had finished. Bad idea! I know!
I began in updating myself with numerous statistics and theories. None of which were obtained by the recommended reputable websites. I just couldn't help myself; I was becoming immersed in all things cancer related. I felt merely deflated for the lack of closure at the end of my treatment. It annoyed me when family and friends were saying " Well that’s you all done now, onwards and upwards!" I would just smile back at them but inside my head be thinking how the hell do you know, there’s a chance it may come back. It felt extremely difficult to portray this positivity cheerleader facade. But what was the alternative? I'm going to constantly spend my days worrying about what might and might not happen? Devote my time looking for answers from DR GOOGLE that I may not get??? Hell no!
I needed to address this anxiety (apologies if it seems I’ve gone all Dr Phil on y'all :-) ) but this had been a pressing issue with me since I was a young child. I'm a natural worrier and get overly worked up over the slightest of things. Throughout the years I have attempted various methods to manage this, medication, counseling etc. However exercise was one of the things I found to be beneficial. It cleared my head and gave me a more positive and rational outlook. Prior to treatment I was a regular at my local gym, fit with long blonde hair past my shoulders. After treatment I was 7kg heavier sporting a light brown fluff ball.
I initially made the mistake of wearing my wig to my first fitness class. I lasted a whole 10 minutes before I resorted to ditching it in the locker of the change room. When I re-entered the room I looked down at my shoes and avoided eye contact with everyone and continued to do so until the end of the class. I didn’t want to see a look of pity on their faces. My friend assured me that no one had even bothered. I felt fantastic but a little stiff afterwards and I had the most incredible sleep that night.
I'm gradually introducing more exercise every week and my feeling of anxiety is decreasing. I have also given DR GOOGLE a well need rest and feel 100% better for it. I still feel anxious about the future as much as anyone but I’m trying not let these thoughts consume me.
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