Advocate on the journey
When my elderly parents started to get ill, I realized that they needed an advocate to go with them to doctors and to take in all that was being said so that it could in turn be understood by them. Someone needed to hold the threads of medications, treatments and general observance in place.
At the time, I remember saying to many people, that sick people need an advocate.
Strange that when I was diagnosed with cancer, my husband was 2 1/2 weeks into an 8 week training course for a job that he relocated across Australia to do. The "next" course was unknown, so we decided that I would go forward on my own and if I needed him I would call but otherwise, we would talk each day and he would go ahead to get this new training in place.
I should mention that both of us had come across age discrimination that year and getting this job was an achievement as they had sidelined his application a couple of times because of his qualifications (he was over qualified and had been a manager) and because of his age and their concern that he would be able to work "on the tools" again.
My being diagnosed with cancer was a huge shock to both of us....and a terrible inconvenience.
We had agreed that I would stay behind because I was living with my mother as her carer and his culture (fortunately) has a high regard for the elderly.
We weren't "separating" but we were living separately while I watched over Mum and continued to work and he worked over in the west. We planned to get together as often as we could when his work settled down to a routine that we could work with.
Then 2 1/2 weeks later I was diagnosed.
Well a diagnosis has many elements to it......most of them unknown.
I didn't tell him for days....while I tried to make sense of it myself.
You would understand I am sure....you find a lump....then you have to get an appointment with a doctor (not easy to do)....then a referral to get a mammogram, ultra sound and biopsies....and then you wait for the results of those tests....and then you get a referral to a specialist, get an appointment and then go through that phase.
I knew telling him would bring more questions than I had answers.
So I chose not to tell anyone until I knew when I was going to Brisbane (1200 kms away) to meet with the surgeon.
I wish I could have gone on my own and found out the rest of the diagnosis but I was Mum's carer so I had to take her with me.
Mum suffers from short term memory problems and she copes really well in her own home. If she was in a nursing home I suspect she would mentally disappear within weeks. Taking her to Brisbane with me was not an ideal situation but the only alternative I had.
It was a mistake as it turned out as she ended up in hospital herself while we were down there.
Just days before my diagnosis was confirmed, my sister in law was diagnosed and she was heading off to Brisbane as well. Her husband went with her along with her brother and his wife. I didn't tell them about my diagnosis.
My daughter was pregnant and my daughter in law was as well. They were the others I could have gained support from.
So as much as I believe that you have to have an advocate......I went off on this life changing journey without one.
