Hi everyone, in January I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. I had a masectomy to remove the 2 small, grade 2 tumours. Both my surgeon and oncologist said I I do not need radiotherapy or chemotherapy as both tumours were small (1cm and 1.4cm) and were not aggressive. There was no lymph node involvement. I was really happy and relieved but now I have hit an all time low. I am very scared and down in the dumps. I have been on Tamoxifen as my cancer was estrogen positive. I am wondering if this medication is contributing to my depression? I have 3 young kids and it terrifies me to think I have a disease that could come back and claim my life. I am still in shock and crying nearly every day. I keep asking myself- "Why me? I know my lifestyle wasn't perfect but I don't deserve this!!!!" How will I get through this? The idea of being closely monitored by my surgeon and oncologist for the next 5 years terrifies me. Everything has changed and I want my old life back! Please help me!!!

I'm so sorry you have had to find us as it means another woman with breast cancer. Did you have a single or double mastectomy, reconstruction or not? Now it's very early days into your recovery, the shock of the diagnosis, the fear of the future, the trauma of the surgery, the affects of anaesthetics and drugs, the pain, the tiredness, the care of 3 young children, a home, a husband.... Really kiddo, why would you not feel down. I did, and I did for the longest time, sometimes I wished I was dead, I felt so alone, sometimes I still do, my life changed beyond all recognition....... Then I found this site and these amazing women who helped me, got me, shared with me, gave me advice and educated me...... So I'm actually not sorry you found us, I'm happy,for you, I'm coming back and if I can do anything to help you come back to yours I will as will others here. If you would like to chat with me at anytime day or night, please call. Send me a personal message and I'll send you my email and contact numbers. In my thoughts, it's going to get better, just not immediately, but you can do it, you already have by getting treatment and like me your one of the lucky ones having found it early...big hug susan xx

When you get a bc diagnosis,everything happens so quickly and it's scary and surreal.It's not until after surgery and results that we really begin to process what just happened.You've had to face your own mortality and had an amputation of a body part.Now throw in a drug with lots of side effects- of course you'd feel down. I became quite moody/teary/irritable when I started Tamoxifen and had bad hot flushes.After 3 months my oncologist put me on Endep 10mg which is a very low dose anti depressant for sleep and hot flushes.It really helped and no side effects( for me).I had tried Effexor but that drug left me semi conscious! We are all different.You may find talking to a psychologist helpful or even just blogging back here to vent your fears.We know what you've been through and can relate to your worries. I've had early bc twice. First time was in 2003(47yrs old) and then again in 2010.I had similar pathology to you.From my experience,it takes about 18mths or so to get abit of confidence back in your health.It is quite normal for you to feel worried but in time your fears will lessen.I'm fine now but always get abit anxious around mammo/ checkup time.Perhaps finding some quiet time for yourself might help?eg art therapy,meditation,yoga,walking.Time to look after YOU : ). Big hug,Tonya xx

Yes we are all different,but for me,it took at least a year to get back to where I could say ' hey you know what,I'm starting to feel like my old self'.Now I'm 14 months past my last treatment,and I have never felt this well in my whole life!!! You WILL get there,and you will be on here helping other ladies who are just beginning their BC experience.Cheers xoxRobyn

Welcome to the online network.You have come to the right place for assistance in getting over the hurdle in front of you at the moment:). I was diagnosed almost 18 months ago now.My tumour was considered small at just under 2 cm.It was also grade 2. I take Tamoxifen every day,and in the beginning,I did have some side effects.Slight nausea,hot flushes,and moodiness.My oncologist at RPA in Sydney,encouraged me to persevere with it,as side effects with Tamoxifen are almost always short lived.As time goes on your body adjusts.Of course there are always going to be a small number of women for whom Tamoxifen doesn't agree,but even in those circumstances,doctors can prescribe medication to help.Some ladies on here take a very mild anti depressant called Effexor which they say seems to help.I encourage you to persevere,as it is very early days for you.Perhaps you are still in shock from your initial diagnosis,and having 3 young children,doesn't always allow you to take the time you need to really come to terms with a diagnosis of BC.Try to remember,that Breast cancer caught so early as yours,has a VERYgood prognosis.The MAJORITY of women with BC go on to lead perfectly normal lives,and it never comes back.Please stay connected on here.I think you will find it very healing to chat with others in a similiar position as yourself,and there are many ladies on here that have had varying degrees of depression along with their BC diagnosis.If you feel that you can't go on taking Tamoxifen,make an appointment with your doctor and tell them how it is making you feel.I am sure they will be helpful.Sending a big cyber hug your way:):) xxxRobyn

Hi Jay, There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you can't see it yet. I am over 50 so I am on Arimidex which is an awful drug. My friends are on Tamoxifan and they tell me their symptoms are similar with depression, aching joints, headaches etc but all these symptoms do lessen over time. After 18 months I found I was pretty good and my mindset changed so I could cope so much better. Try and stick with it but do talk to your oncologist as there are other drugs which might suit you better. My advice would be to join a support group as mine is invaluable. The other women were what kept me going. good luck xx Lynne

Very depressed | BCNA Online Network

15 Replies

kelwar69
Member
11 years ago
Hi Jay

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down at the moment. It is reassuring to hear others say that it is not unusual for women to feel down when their treatment is finished or when you start tamoxifan. I had surgery in September 2014 and had major infections and was readmitted to hospital twice over the following months, followed by radiotherapy. Then I had a gynae D&C to remove a polyp and get the all clear for cervical cancer. In February all the regular appointments and hospital visits ended and I am feeling completely lost. When I think back over the last six months there are things that I don't even remember as was on auto-pilot. Now is the first time that I am really thinking about my diagnosis and what it could have meant, but I am so thankful that it was identified early and treated. I feel more mentally challenged now, but I am reassured that this is OK.

My thoughts are with you. Get as much rest as you can and be kind to yourself.

Regards, Kellie xx
Jay_marue
Member
11 years ago
Hi girls, just a quick update, I spoke with my psychologist today and she strongly believes I should take an anti depressant as I still seem so depressed. This is really messing with my head. I think she might be right, perhaps I do need anti depressants. Yesterday I also saw a physiotherapist who specialises in BC post surgery pain and she explained the muscle pain is due to the tightening balloon expander. She was very nice and said it takes around 2 years to really sort through your emotions and accept a new normal.

X Jay
alexinbrisbane
Member
11 years ago
Menopause doesn't have to be that bad - I was slam dunked into it thru chemo although my body was still producing oestrogen....hence the tamoxifen. Nearly 2 years on and I will be having blood test to see if I need to switch to Aromatase Inhibitor (which I don't like the thought of) But I try not to worry about it too much. A wise person once told me "90% of what we worry about doesn't happen". Overanalysing is what we females are experts at BTW :) Alexx
Jay_marue
Member
11 years ago
The exercise sounds like a good option. Even though I feel like crap I have been walking and eating well. I am definitely in that phase where you over analyse everything like the amount of wine I drank and raised stress levels. The other thing I forgot to mention was that later in the year the oncologist wants to inject me with zoladex to put me into menopause. I guess that will make my low moods even worse!!! Again, thank you all kind ladies for your caring messages!xxxxxx Jay
Jay_marue
Member
11 years ago
The exercise sounds like a good option. Even though I feel like crap I have been walking and eating well. I am definitely in that phase where you over analyse everything like the amount of wine I drank and raised stress levels. The other thing I forgot to mention was that later in the year the oncologist wants to inject me with zoladex to put me into menopause. I guess that will make my low moods even worse!!! Again, thank you all kind ladies for your caring messages!xxxxxx Jay
Jay_marue
Member
11 years ago
The exercise sounds like a good option. Even though I feel like crap I have been walking and eating well. I am definitely in that phase where you over analyse everything like the amount of wine I drank and raised stress levels. The other thing I forgot to mention was that later in the year the oncologist wants to inject me with zoladex to put me into menopause. I guess that will make my low moods even worse!!! Again, thank you all kind ladies for your caring messages!xxxxxx Jay
Robyn_W
Member
11 years ago
Yes we are all different,but for me,it took at least a year to get back to where I could say ' hey you know what,I'm starting to feel like my old self'.Now I'm 14 months past my last treatment,and I have never felt this well in my whole life!!! You WILL get there,and you will be on here helping other ladies who are just beginning their BC experience.Cheers xoxRobyn
alexinbrisbane
Member
11 years ago
A BC diagnosis is a bomb shell. On top of that, having 3 young ones is a lot of work which can be tiring in itself. Tamoxifen (I have been on it for almost 18 months), takes a lot of getting used to - the side effects have now gone for me and probably took about six months.

Re: How will I get through this? The idea of being closely monitored by my surgeon and oncologist for the next 5 years terrifies me. Everything has changed and I want my old life back!...

I was told by a surgeon....that being closely monitored is a good thing, and that made sense to me. Yes it's a pain having to go to the hospital regularly, but we make it work. As for your old life back....we can never have that, but it will come good again if you let it. I found reading some good books (cancer books that is) very helpful.

Keep in mind that early detection means that your prognosis is good. After the initial shock, I took an approach that I was not going to let cancer get me. I got fit and that became my medication (I was 41). This also helped me adjust my mindset and has been immensely beneficial with all the surgeries I have had. The fear of the unknown is scary and I know it's not easy.

Also, try not to go down that path of questioning yourself....you will get lots of other people doing that for you. I too questioned whether maybe I drank too much wineon occasion over the course of my life, was it the deodorant, makeup, my mobile phone in my bra or stress. I have had lot's of 'so-called experts' put theories forward. This is a waste of time - you are female and this can just happen.

I have two expanders and one of them is giving me grief but has settled in the last week - they are not particularly nice - can't wait to get exchanged.

Happy to chat or help out if you have any other questions - this is a good site to be on.

Alex xx
alexinbrisbane
Member
11 years ago
A BC diagnosis is a bomb shell. On top of that, having 3 young ones is a lot of work which can be tiring in itself. Tamoxifen (I have been on it for almost 18 months), takes a lot of getting used to - the side effects have now gone for me and probably took about six months.

Re: How will I get through this? The idea of being closely monitored by my surgeon and oncologist for the next 5 years terrifies me. Everything has changed and I want my old life back!...

I was told by a surgeon....that being closely monitored is a good thing, and that made sense to me. Yes it's a pain having to go to the hospital regularly, but we make it work. As for your old life back....we can never have that, but it will come good again if you let it. I found reading some good books (cancer books that is) very helpful.

Keep in mind that early detection means that your prognosis is good. After the initial shock, I took an approach that I was not going to let cancer get me. I got fit and that became my medication (I was 41). This also helped me adjust my mindset and has been immensely beneficial with all the surgeries I have had. The fear of the unknown is scary and I know it's not easy.

Also, try not to go down that path of questioning yourself....you will get lots of other people doing that for you. I too questioned whether maybe I drank too much wineon occasion over the course of my life, was it the deodorant, makeup, my mobile phone in my bra or stress. I have had lot's of 'so-called experts' put theories forward. This is a waste of time - you are female and this can just happen.

I have two expanders and one of them is giving me grief but has settled in the last week - they are not particularly nice - can't wait to get exchanged.

Happy to chat or help out if you have any other questions - this is a good site to be on.

Alex xx
SusanF
Member
11 years ago
I think it was 6 months before I began to feel better but I was still quite weepy. I think you are doing everything right and therefore your going to feel better as I've found being proactive is the best thing. I also have expanders in until mid May and yes they are uncomfortable and feel so unnatural but just keep focused on the end result and keep talking about it, we're all here for you Jay.