Unable to sleep &chemo

Hi This is the first time I have used this forum. I have secondary bc something we are all terrified of hearing. We cling to hope that we will be cured or stay in remission for a very long time. Whilst this new diagnosis rocked my world and I looked down the barrel of death I have found that I have a renewed respect for life. I have way too much to do to be sick ha! I look at everything with a child's wonder, little fairy wrens, an unfurling fern, the warm sun, little miracles. I try not to take anything for granted. This has been a positive aspect of diagnosis and prognosis. Of course I have downer days where I feel really fatigued and/ or excruciatingly sad. I allow myself to feel it all and I have noticed I don't stay in that mind set too long. However, I believe how you feel at any given moment is okay and to be respected. I feel much compassion for others going through chemo etc it is no picnic but a great book that helped me and still does with practical advice is Women's Journey with Breast cancer by Petria King. Petria King runs The Quest for Life Foundation in NSW. Google it, there are Retreats etc that are fantastic. Glad to have contacted this site. Love and strength to all.

You have found the right place to come here. We have a wonderful group of women who are understanding as only those who have walked in our shoes can be. There is absolutely nothing to forgive as we all lose the plot on a regular basis through this roller coaster ride. There are times when you don't think you can do it but in the end we pick ourselves up and carry on. I love this quote from Bob Marley, "YOU NEVER KNOW HOW STRONG YOU ARE UNTIL BEING STRONG IS THE ONLY CHOICE YOU HAVE". This is so true and you will find your inner strength. I also lost our beloved pet cat this year, she was 19 years and she was with us since she was 4 months old. So I can so sympathise with you for the loss of your Beni. It is so amazing how our Meggie sat with me through my down times and gave me her warmth. I miss her. I have come to realise that this awful time in my life is a temporary thing and it will pass. I did have times when I despaired as I'm sure that all our beautiful Pink Sisters have experienced from time to time. But the chemo messes with your emotions not to mention you physical being. Keep focusing on your words that "next year will be the best year of your life". You can only go up from being at the bottom. I'd like to share a poem that I wrote during one of my many many sleepless nights. The link to my post is http://www.bcna.org.au/user/12607/blog/62506. I hope it gives you some comfort. Love Janey xxx

You have found the right place to come here. We have a wonderful group of women who are understanding as only those who have walked in our shoes can be. There is absolutely nothing to forgive as we all lose the plot on a regular basis through this roller coaster ride. There are times when you don't think you can do it but in the end we pick ourselves up and carry on. I love this quote from Bob Marley, "YOU NEVER KNOW HOW STRONG YOU ARE UNTIL BEING STRONG IS THE ONLY CHOICE YOU HAVE". This is so true and you will find your inner strength. I also lost our beloved pet cat this year, she was 19 years and she was with us since she was 4 months old. So I can so sympathise with you for the loss of your Beni. It is so amazing how our Meggie sat with me through my down times and gave me her warmth. I miss her. I have come to realise that this awful time in my life is a temporary thing and it will pass. I did have times when I despaired as I'm sure that all our beautiful Pink Sisters have experienced from time to time. But the chemo messes with your emotions not to mention you physical being. Keep focusing on your words that "next year will be the best year of your life". You can only go up from being at the bottom. I'd like to share a poem that I wrote during one of my many many sleepless nights. The link to my post is http://www.bcna.org.au/user/12607/blog/62506. I hope it gives you some comfort. Love Janey xxx

Blessings and thanks Deanne. I am using the forum as the only place of true empathy and understanding. I used to be like a bee in a bottle, exercising 3 times a day, so learning my body needs time to recover from treatment is just about the most difficult lesson in life, so far. The paralised patients must go through hell. It is like imprisonment, having no strength to even walk. I have gratitude that this chemo brain/exhaustion will eventually be gone. I won't have paralysis to prevent me living the healthiest life possible. My beloved "free to a good home" kelpi crossed border collie, Beni died after being my best friend for over 15 years. He was equal to 127 human years and it was his time. I loved him dearly and yet still had to organise his cremation etc alone, with chemo side effects. We made it through. Will do my Yoga Nidra now and send you all blessings of Divine Light and Love for the festive season. :)

Thank you dear Hazel. I will definitely keep on posting. I know you understand. I find it difficult to express what's happening medically as most friends are oblivious about the human body. Then there's the mind stuff. Am feeling trapped by exhaustion and unable to find the mental power to escape the bed. Will do a Yoga Nidra with Guru Niranjan and release guilt for not being as chirpy as before chemo began. I used to exercise 3 times a day to feel healthy and happy. Now I am unable and it feels horrible. Oh well, onto the YN. Forgive me if I lose the plot, whinging and whining. May this find you in a place of peace and without my added turmoil.

I can understand how you are feeling, I had a bad night last night. My breast was hurting and I felt achy all over. I know what you mean about the eating, sometimes I can't help myself and then feel so bad and so fat afterwards. I did have someone with me but still felt alone and sorry for myself. I am slightly better this morning and I sincerely hope you are or soon will be. Keep posting and maybe you won't feel so alone. we are here for you, sending you good thoughts, big hugs.

Hazel xx

It's hard when you are going through all this. I found reaching out on this network to be a wonderful lifeline. It is a lonely time, going through chemo, and doctors and nurses are not always the best support. No one really understands unless they have been there. Don't beat yourself up about not exercising, it is so hard to just get through each day sometimes. Chemo often upsets the surgery area and it can become painful. If you can manage some stretches it will help. Just do what you can, doing them in the shower with warm water running on you can make it less painful. I found reading about other people's experiences on here really helped. It helped to pass the time and I learnt so much about how to cope with treatment and life after BC. If you have any questions or worries there is usually someone on here who can help, day or night, public holidays and weekends! We can not help with medical issues but we can help with practical matters and give emotional support. I hope you feel better soon. The chemo drugs really mess with your moods. Take care and please keep posting and we will do our best to help you through. Sending you a big hug. Deanne xxxooo

It's hard when you are going through all this. I found reaching out on this network to be a wonderful lifeline. It is a lonely time, going through chemo, and doctors and nurses are not always the best support. No one really understands unless they have been there. Don't beat yourself up about not exercising, it is so hard to just get through each day sometimes. Chemo often upsets the surgery area and it can become painful. If you can manage some stretches it will help. Just do what you can, doing them in the shower with warm water running on you can make it less painful. I found reading about other people's experiences on here really helped. It helped to pass the time and I learnt so much about how to cope with treatment and life after BC. If you have any questions or worries there is usually someone on here who can help, day or night, public holidays and weekends! We can not help with medical issues but we can help with practical matters and give emotional support. I hope you feel better soon. The chemo drugs really mess with your moods. Take care and please keep posting and we will do our best to help you through. Sending you a big hug. Deanne xxxooo