Forum Discussion

TracyJ's avatar
TracyJ
Member
12 years ago

Specialist today

So had my scans etc... This morning I am seeing the specialist to hopefully find out what I am dealing with . Why is it I am more scared of telling my mum ? She lives in the UK with all my other family , yet I am terrified of phoning her later today? My lovely kids I have had no problem ,friends even clients , chatted very matter of factly to a friend last night I have worked in my salon for 5 years ,I have met 6 women , between 43-53 ,who have had BC , and not lost one yet . It has amazed me how many of my friends and my hubby , who have never met anyone , until now . Positive ,positive !!!!

6 Replies

  • adean's avatar
    adean
    Member
    12 years ago
    My husband beet me to it told mum in the car, she came in and said that's not good is it, but you know what she said, we all will be fine. My mum is 78 and had breast cancer at 35 , look at me she said.,for me it's 17 months now and last week mum put a survivors pin in my hand, that was my mum, lady of few words. I hope your mum takes the news ok. Regards adean
  • Janey235's avatar
    Janey235
    Member
    12 years ago
    Yes telling our mums is the hardest thing. My mum lost our darling dad after complications of a routine operation 25 years ago at 55 and I am now about that age. When I did tell my mum, her fear was written all over her face that the same thing would happen to her daughter and it took a long time for her to be able to cope. She has now though and she's a tower of strength to me. I also remember how I felt when my son had a scare with a lump behind his nipple (which turned out to be fine thank goodness) while I was going though chemo. I made a pact with the devil to take me and not him. A mother never wants their children threatened with anything. I think the maternal instinct is unlike anything else in this world. It is unique. I hope your specialist appointment yesterday went well and you now have a plan of action. Everything will start to happen quite quickly once you have a plan and believe it or not, things will fall into place and you feel you can get on with it. Love Janey xxx
  • Janey235's avatar
    Janey235
    Member
    12 years ago
    Yes telling our mums is the hardest thing. My mum lost our darling dad after complications of a routine operation 25 years ago at 55 and I am now about that age. When I did tell my mum, her fear was written all over her face that the same thing would happen to her daughter and it took a long time for her to be able to cope. She has now though and she's a tower of strength to me. I also remember how I felt when my son had a scare with a lump behind his nipple (which turned out to be fine thank goodness) while I was going though chemo. I made a pact with the devil to take me and not him. A mother never wants their children threatened with anything. I think the maternal instinct is unlike anything else in this world. It is unique. I hope your specialist appointment yesterday went well and you now have a plan of action. Everything will start to happen quite quickly once you have a plan and believe it or not, things will fall into place and you feel you can get on with it. Love Janey xxx
  • Sue_H's avatar
    Sue_H
    Member
    12 years ago

    Telling my mum was the worst thing too because she has had breast cancer and a mastectomy and she would think that it was all her fault. I got my daughter to call her first and let the shock sink in and then I called her a few hours later. We had a few tears but when she heard how positive i was she said it made it a lot easier for her. We all try to protect our mums from hurt as we get older and there is no easy way of doing this but once you have told her it will be less stress for you because mums have this inbuilt thing that makes them handle anything life throws at their kids and they will always be there to make our problems easier. My mum has been great support even though I know she is hurting. Best wishes SueX

  • Bearteggie's avatar
    Bearteggie
    Member
    12 years ago

    Hi Tracy,  Deanne is right.  You are more fearful of telling your mum because deep down you know you are both going to be very emotional.    I couldn't tell my mum because she is in a nursing home with dementia but I know I felt more fearful of telling my dad than anyone else  for the same reason.  I am older than you and worried that maybe I shouldn't  bother my elder dad with all of this but he was very pleased that I did and he called me every day while I was in hospital.  It's not the same, though as a mother daughter relationship in that men don't have the need to talk about things over and over again to process their feelings which is where my friends come into the picture.

     I too found it easier to talk to friends and colleagues who all think I am this incredibly strong person (if they only knew the truth)  but I knew there was going to be no way I'd be able to hold back the tears when I broke the news to my dad.  I was right!  But it didn't matter - it was honest and real and it was all ok.

    As Deanne said, once you tell your mum I am sure too that it will get easier for you.

    All the very best with your Specialist appointment today.

    Best wishes

    Joy xx

     

  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    12 years ago
    I think it is much more emotional with your Mum because a mother daughter relationship is different to all your other relationships. I think it comes back to when you were young and anything was wrong, it was your Mum who could fix it and make you feel better. In this case she will want to be there for you but the reality is that she can not fix this for you. I found it tough to speak to my Mum at first but you get through this with a few tears and it gets easier as you know more about what is ahead for you. Hope all goes well with your specialist appointment. Let us know how you go. Good luck and take care. Deanne xxx