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Anonymous's avatar
Anonymous
15 years ago

Results are in...treatment has begun

Its been a roller-coaster the last few days. My lymph nodesbiopsy results on Tuesday confirmed 100% breast cancer, which also means the lungs are positive too. I was very upset to hear this news, even though I thought I'd fully prepared myself for this diagnosis. I hadn't realised the extent of the hope I'd had to be in the 1% chance of a negative result. I had floods of tears all day....the sadness was so intense...it was almost like being re-traumatised in a way. Hearing the 100% confirmation, treatment plan and possible side effects (including definite hair loss) made it all so very real. There was no turning back now.

On Wednesday, after a dreadful nights sleep, I woke with an overwhelming sense of relief....relief that I didn't have to endure any further biopses, and relief that I could get on with the fight at last. I reminded myself that a negative lymph node biopsy would've meant a further lung biopsy, 3-4 days in hospital and another 2 day wait for results....which in my case would've resulted in a positive diagnosis anyway!

So now I face chemotherapy 3 weekly (Docetaxel - Taxotere) and Herceptin, which I started today. They had a terrible time getting the needle in, and after 45 minutes of trying and loads of pain, they finally got it in. They strongly recommended I get a 'line' put in, so that access would be easier for all of us. I have chosen to have a PICC line (with the catheter put in under local anaesthic and an external canulla showing near inner elbow) as opposed to an implanted Port (Infusaport or Portacath) put in. It seemed an easier procedure but I just hope this will be a good decision. If not i can always swap to a Port at any time apparently. I spoke to another lady who had the same  PICC line and she showed me it and swore by it...she was very happy with it. So one chemo down and a minimum of 5 to go (or up to 9 in total depending on how it goes).

The psychology visit went well today with positive reminders of my experiences had throughout my last treatment regime which were very good to hear....the courage, the determination and the hope I held. Also, I now understand that this recurrence  is not my fault...I cannot blame myself and I have not failed. The sadness is ok, the fear is ok, the tears are ok, the anger is ok....I am ok to have these feelings.

So the official fight has begun at last, and in time, one day at a time, I will learn to dance in the rain again! xxx

 

 

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  • Al's avatar
    Al
    Member
    15 years ago

    Dear Celeste,

    Stay strong! As others have said we are all here. Sad to hear this news but I'm sure you will beat it. Think positive. I too have a PICC line and it is a god send. A little inconvenient with showers and swimming ( especially with hot summer days to come!) but worth it.

    Hang in there, dear lady!  Take the good with the bad. My fingers and toes are crossed again for a pain-free treatment this time around. You are bound to have bad days but try and surround yourself with the things that you enjoy doing and that you love. Put yourself first!!

    Good luck with it all and keep us all posted.

    Your pink sister,

    Alison xxxx

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    15 years ago

    I can understand your tears and intense sadness even though you were prepared for the news.There is always that 1% slight chance that we cling to in the back of our minds.The results now put your life on a different pathway -one that you've trod before and probably thought you wouldn't have to do again. I am so sorry for you Celeste and it doesn't hurt to wallow in it for awhile.You'll get your head around it and come out fighting.Taxotere is a bugger but so is all chemo.Knowing what you're in for is a double edged sword.But you've already got one done now so you are on your way to getting rid of those pesky cells. I know you will fight,what else can you do.You are a brave,courageous woman and we are here to share your thoughts and fears with.I will be thinking of you Celeste.

                                     love Tonya xx

  • Belinda's avatar
    Belinda
    Member
    15 years ago

    Celeste while none of us likes "bad" news I always feel much better when I have a plan of attack. I wish you all the best for trouble free treatment and fantastic results.

    Also just a little reassurance...I have had mets in my mediastinal and hilar nodes and lungs for nearly 6 years now. They just rumble along. My treatment has mainly been the AIs Arimidex, femara etc but have also had chemo. In fact I have just started another combo this week. The mets really haven't caused me too many probs other than breathlessness which is complicated because I'm asthmatic. The seem to grow a bit, get treated, stay stable and then grow a bit. It messes with my head, but hasn't been too much of a problem physiccally.

    Like you I am also single these days. My kids were 9 and 11 when I was first diagnosed with BC; 16 and 18 with ABC and are now 22 and 24 (with the 24 year old living in London). For many of us this is a chronic disease which is a really crappy one, but a disease we live with!!!!

    I'll be thinking of you

    Belinda

  • MandaMoo's avatar
    MandaMoo
    Member
    15 years ago

    Hi Celeste

    I am glad you are on your way with treatment and had a positive psychologist appointment.  I'm so sorry you weren't in the 1% - I was so hoping that you were.  

    As the ladies here have said there is some good information about managing side effects so I am sure you will have a lot of into to soak up.  

    You are strong and brave and sadness is all part of that.  I had nail issues post taxotere but while on my treatment now (vinorelbine) - they believe it was because of the taxotere though.  I tried the dark polish but think I stopped too soon. I have to admit none of that ever bothered/bothers me - I'm alive and here for my family - the treatment is helping and like any other medicine for a chronic illness.  I find accupuncture extremely beneficial.  

    Good idea about the PICC - it will easier than trying to get a vein each time.  I have a powerport and have never had a problem and it makes my weekly treatments so much easier.  I can also shower and swim without any cover.  I had it under a twilight anaesthetic and was awake during the entire procedure.  It was a little painful for about a week.  I also get my blood taken from it every week and have used it for contrast when I have had CTs done.  They are recommending ports more at my chemo ward now as some of the people with the PICCs have had issues with allergies to the dressings used and having to cover all of the time.  I am sure either way you will be much happier than having a vein accessed.

    You are a wonderful women who is going to dance in the rain again - I'll be right there with you - I always loved a great storm but I can't say I have dance moves that are worth talking about!

    Sending you strength, love and light.

    Amanda xx

  • MandaMoo's avatar
    MandaMoo
    Member
    15 years ago

    Hi Celeste

    I am glad you are on your way with treatment and had a positive psychologist appointment.  I'm so sorry you weren't in the 1% - I was so hoping that you were.  

    As the ladies here have said there is some good information about managing side effects so I am sure you will have a lot of into to soak up.  

    You are strong and brave and sadness is all part of that.  I had nail issues post taxotere but while on my treatment now (vinorelbine) - they believe it was because of the taxotere though.  I tried the dark polish but think I stopped too soon. I have to admit none of that ever bothered/bothers me - I'm alive and here for my family - the treatment is helping and like any other medicine for a chronic illness.  I find accupuncture extremely beneficial.  

    Good idea about the PICC - it will easier than trying to get a vein each time.  I have a powerport and have never had a problem and it makes my weekly treatments so much easier.  I can also shower and swim without any cover.  I had it under a twilight anaesthetic and was awake during the entire procedure.  It was a little painful for about a week.  I also get my blood taken from it every week and have used it for contrast when I have had CTs done.  They are recommending ports more at my chemo ward now as some of the people with the PICCs have had issues with allergies to the dressings used and having to cover all of the time.  I am sure either way you will be much happier than having a vein accessed.

    You are a wonderful women who is going to dance in the rain again - I'll be right there with you - I always loved a great storm but I can't say I have dance moves that are worth talking about!

    Sending you strength, love and light.

    Amanda xx

  • Chris's avatar
    Chris
    Member
    15 years ago
    Hi Celeste, You have been on my mind, and in my prayers all week. Like you, I was hoping you would be in the 1% and get a negative result. I'm very sad for you. It is good that treatment has started so quickly, and I hope it won't give you a rough time. I didn't have a bad time with taxotere, so hopefully you won't either. Take all the medications they give you, as it is easier to prevent nausea than to treat it. Apart from a few ridges on my nails, ( like growth rings on a tree ) I didn't have any issues. I painted them with a pale pink nail strengthener that was supplied in the taxotere kit. My toe nails were fine, and they didn't even offer ice for toes. I also found that panadol 4 hourly worked really well for aches and pains that arrived on day 4 and 5. Good luck with your treatment plan, and remember , we are all here to support you. Love Chris xx
  • Ann-Marie_AK's avatar
    Ann-Marie_AK
    Member
    15 years ago
    Hi Celeste Big cyber hugs for you. You are an amazing woman with such a great fighting spirit. Good luck with your treatment. I had taxotere, it was not a walk on the park but manageable. I actually had some hair grow back during taxotere. There Are lots of blogs on here with great tips for managing the side effects of taxotere and If you need I am more than happy to answer any questions you have about it. We are right here whenever you need us. Got you in my prayers Ann-Marie xx
  • Ann-Marie_AK's avatar
    Ann-Marie_AK
    Member
    15 years ago
    Hi Celeste Big cyber hugs for you. You are an amazing woman with such a great fighting spirit. Good luck with your treatment. I had taxotere, it was not a walk on the park but manageable. I actually had some hair grow back during taxotere. There Are lots of blogs on here with great tips for managing the side effects of taxotere and If you need I am more than happy to answer any questions you have about it. We are right here whenever you need us. Got you in my prayers Ann-Marie xx
  • jo1234's avatar
    jo1234
    Member
    15 years ago

    Oh Celeste, what do i say to make things feel better? I am so sorry those results were not good, but hey! at least it is all over with now and you are on your way to beating this bugger.. You have lots of fighting power in you Celeste, and you have had to deal with plenty of tough stuff before, so we know you can do it. 

    I can only imagine how upset and sad you must have felt. Even though you knew what was there it was that little bit of hope you were hanging onto that was taken away. It is not fair Celeste,  and as we all know there is nothing you could have done to prevent this.  

    Celeste good luck with the chemo and remember we are all here if you need to scream and yell , we really do understand. 

    Cheers Joxx