Well, this is a blast! Thought I was in control of most things in my life, this is another story.
I'm finding out this is as much of a mind game as anything else. I must keep telling myself this will pass, this will pass.
This....I could have written myself. I was scared to get down and be real, put these words I feel on paper so to speak. Your words and mantra are mine. Well....we can share them and I feel if brave enough others will too. Today I had my second cycle (see I can now talk the chemo talk.....won't join the chemo coffee club though).
I am tripple neg inflammatory breast cancer, there, I said it.
The doctors don't quite know what to make of me, I ask for the facts, no sugar, this is a relief for them I see. Their faces light up, finally someone that wants to learn, educate, get down and serious about combatting the real stuff.
I don't have time to pay this misery, I'm into positive power and putting this thing to bed. I work with children K-6 and from violent, unloved backgrounds. This is my distractions. These kids need me, I now need them. Keeping it natural and the 'same' is what I need to get me through.
Keeping things in order is a big one. I hear you so loud. There is no time for unorderly things. I am in control of that and I seem to shine with order. The steps are the steps, let me walk this one and I will show you the order of this . I am so happy to read your words, thank you Sue.. A kindred spirit.
I have now had round 2 of chemo and I begin again. You, my friend are so much further along. I wish you well and with all the power to you. Let's win ahy?
xoxo Jackie
I have one week and one day left to wait - until my bilateral mastectomy. I, too, have gone from someone who has always been the 'captain of the ship' (as my husband fondly declares) to being a 'patient' (and not a very patient patient, mind you.) The waiting is certainly a challenge.
When I was diagnosed, I told myself that I could not change what "is" - that I have breast cancer ... but what I do have control over is my reaction to it, and how well I can contribute to a full recovery ... and my head talk.
For me, knowlege is power - so I have an enormous desire to understand everything that is going to happen (with my surgery and treatment) and then I focus on the best outcome. I am realistic - have to be, with 3 children - but I am also optimistic. I have researched what foods I can eat, to make the cancer cells not 'favour' growing again (it can't hurt, right) ... and my lifestyle and priorities have been fully reassessed. I find channeling my need to keep things in order (and under control) directed to keeping my immediate domain running smoothly, right down to what I think about, can help me gather the strength necessary to keep fighting.
I see my surgery next week as "round one" ... the first battle that needs to be won, in the long line of treament (further surgery, hysterectomy, chemo, radiation etc etc) - and so I take one step at a time ... and one win at a time.
You asked "does it ever get more believeable ?" .... perhaps believe that in the 'bigger picture' of your life, this will be one chapter ... the pain and shock and hairloss will pass. Yes, keep it real .. and stay positive - that's my mantra.
All the very, very best xx
I have one week and one day left to wait - until my bilateral mastectomy. I, too, have gone from someone who has always been the 'captain of the ship' (as my husband fondly declares) to being a 'patient' (and not a very patient patient, mind you.) The waiting is certainly a challenge.
When I was diagnosed, I told myself that I could not change what "is" - that I have breast cancer ... but what I do have control over is my reaction to it, and how well I can contribute to a full recovery ... and my head talk.
For me, knowlege is power - so I have an enormous desire to understand everything that is going to happen (with my surgery and treatment) and then I focus on the best outcome. I am realistic - have to be, with 3 children - but I am also optimistic. I have researched what foods I can eat, to make the cancer cells not 'favour' growing again (it can't hurt, right) ... and my lifestyle and priorities have been fully reassessed. I find channeling my need to keep things in order (and under control) directed to keeping my immediate domain running smoothly, right down to what I think about, can help me gather the strength necessary to keep fighting.
I see my surgery next week as "round one" ... the first battle that needs to be won, in the long line of treament (further surgery, hysterectomy, chemo, radiation etc etc) - and so I take one step at a time ... and one win at a time.
You asked "does it ever get more believeable ?" .... perhaps believe that in the 'bigger picture' of your life, this will be one chapter ... the pain and shock and hairloss will pass. Yes, keep it real .. and stay positive - that's my mantra.
All the very, very best xx
....not really a blast. I am still in shock I guess. Second treatment tomorrow. Life is all about change, however, this is a big one. Does it ever get more believable?
Tomorrow I h is ave my second treatment, presently looking at a bald head and wondering.......that is one small pin head! I am so out of my right place. I still keep hearing the diagnosis replaying in my head. Funny thing is they are talking about me.
Time I guess, just time. I acan do this.
Thanks for your kind words Hazel....
