I have one week and one day left to wait - until my bilateral mastectomy. I, too, have gone from someone who has always been the 'captain of the ship' (as my husband fondly declares) to being a 'patient' (and not a very patient patient, mind you.) The waiting is certainly a challenge.
When I was diagnosed, I told myself that I could not change what "is" - that I have breast cancer ... but what I do have control over is my reaction to it, and how well I can contribute to a full recovery ... and my head talk.
For me, knowlege is power - so I have an enormous desire to understand everything that is going to happen (with my surgery and treatment) and then I focus on the best outcome. I am realistic - have to be, with 3 children - but I am also optimistic. I have researched what foods I can eat, to make the cancer cells not 'favour' growing again (it can't hurt, right) ... and my lifestyle and priorities have been fully reassessed. I find channeling my need to keep things in order (and under control) directed to keeping my immediate domain running smoothly, right down to what I think about, can help me gather the strength necessary to keep fighting.
I see my surgery next week as "round one" ... the first battle that needs to be won, in the long line of treament (further surgery, hysterectomy, chemo, radiation etc etc) - and so I take one step at a time ... and one win at a time.
You asked "does it ever get more believeable ?" .... perhaps believe that in the 'bigger picture' of your life, this will be one chapter ... the pain and shock and hairloss will pass. Yes, keep it real .. and stay positive - that's my mantra.
All the very, very best xx
