Prosthesis - I can’t stop crying

@Locksley

This link may help 
https://www.silima.com.au/pages/beast-prosthesis-fitters

Hi Lisa,  Thinking of you and sending you love.  I had a left mastectomy in May.   I was just about to go for a prosthesis fitting when Melbourne went into lock down. I wasn't able to wear the berlei bra I was given as the band sat on my wound and it was painful so I have gone braless all this time.  I did get a post surgery bra from target in case I needed something to go out to appoitments in but I cant wear it very long.  I also have one big right boob.  The poor thing just hangs there now.  I think I can even see new stretch marks from it hanging down.  Sometimes I find myself wishing I had it removed as well as my mastectomy  sight is lumpy and uneven and maybe it would have looked better if it was just all flat.   Sending you hugs xxx

It's definitely a love/hate relationship for me but then again, I've always hated wearing bras and they are now even more constructive due to the structure to take the prosthesis - the thing itself, I barely notice, now.  @afraser is right though - the larger you are, the more strain you are putting on your spine by being off-balance.  But please don't feel apologetic for mourning what was before.  I have had to hide in the loos at the shops because I couldn't stop the tears when I found something else I could no longer wear.

Hi Lisa,
It’s early days and a mastectomy affects you on so many levels.You are grieving the loss of a body part,there’s body imagine and navigating bras and clothes,there’s the intimate side,and the mortality thing.It’s a huge adjustment and you have every right to cry and complain.I actually felt more confident when I got my prosthesis and it seemed to relieve the tight sensation I felt- something to do with putting pressure against my chest- weird,I know. I’ve been lopsided for 10yrs-I accept it but I don’t like it.Mine was a recurrence and so I preferred to keep an eye on my chest scar rather than reconstruct.
I may get the other breast off but putting my hand up for more surgery is not something I’d do lightly. You’ll get used to your prosthesis in time Lisa- it’ll be just part of getting dressed.Have a breather for awhile before you contemplate more surgery. It’s a big decision either way.

Just a small additional comment - most of us have no idea what one of our own breasts weighs - not an issue if you are small breasted, but after several months of a really light pad, it took my spine about a week to readjust to a more even (and normal) spread of weight, when I started using a prosthesis. Just another reason for a little time to get used to it. 

Hello @Lisa_E66.  @Afraser has said it all above.  Give yourself time, cry when you need to as that emotion is better let out.  It will get better.  We all get the ups and downs over time and sometimes they come out of nowhere.
Hello @ddon. I have tried the Amoena and the Trulife and find the Trulife is far more comfortable as it is much softer on the inside and seems to have more flexibility.  It also comes with a soft cotton cover so it is more comfy if you have hot weather - and when you are ready you can use the prosthesis in a normal bra as long as it has sufficient height at the front.
The prosthesis are lighter nowadays but the trick is to have the bra firm enough to prevent the movement.

Dear @Lisa_E66

Your emotion is probably at least in part due to everything you have been through to this point. It can catch up
with you, especially if there is a trigger. It’s also about reality - you are wearing a prosthesis, it’s not you, it never will be and not unnaturally that makes you sad.
I too had big breasts - I didn’t manage to get a prosthesis for 12 months because of a persistent, large seroma and when I did, I wondered how I would ever manage. I was sick of a soft pad that never stayed put but it was light and generally inoffensive.  The prosthesis was big, pink, silicone-y and unwieldy. I thought I would never get the knack of inserting it, even tried putting it in before putting my bra on - that was like trying to manage a brick in a sock! But it got better, and easier. That was nearly eight years ago - no reconstruction, have a swimming prosthesis too (the sports model!) and comfortable with it all.

I assume you have had a professional fitter? That can make a difference. Mine proposed a bra I would not have chosen myself but which turned out to be both comfortable and improved my posture. 

Just give it a bit longer. You’re expecting yourself to adjust to a lot of things in a very short time. You want the old you back and the prosthesis is a reminder of the change that has occurred. Normal? You bet! And don’t be sorry, we all need to kick something (preferably inanimate) from time to time. Best wishes. 

Lisa, there’s a grieving process to go through and it’s hard. I haven’t got a prosthesis yet - I had a right mastectomy last November. I am fortunate in that I was/am very small breasted so I am not so lopsided but still I find myself mourning sometimes for what I’ve lost. It was trying to kill me and I wanted it off but... 
I am planning on getting a prostheses before summer but I am hesitant. Does it feel comfortable on the front of you- I guess it’s so new it still feels wrong. I feel like I understand your tears xx