Now What?

I am 6 months further down the track than you and am at the "decision about reconstruction" stage.  This journey is scary and we never know what the future holds - so it is lovely to see you have found your groove.  After reading your story I have decided to go and get some councelling,  I have been strong outwardly but maybe I just need some help to sort out the inside feelings.

Thanks

Sue

Hey SueVR

I honestly can not add to anything these beautiful ladies have said except to say don't look back.  Keep looking forward to the new normal that is going to be your new life and it is up to you to make it what you want it to be.

It won't be easy that is certain but we have to look out how far we have come.

Luv n hugs Mich xoxoxoxoox

For the past few days I have been feeling pretty miserable and lost and alone and hopeless. And that's despite being surrounded by loving family and friends. I finished the last of the 25 doses of radiation mon 6th Jan and felt so relieved not to have to go to the hospital everyday and it felt like I had my life back at last. But I think the elation was short lived because I realised that I now need to re-enter the workforce but the reality is I'm not strong enough and I was feeling so emotionally and psychologically fragile.

There has been a bit of talk on this website about counselling which I've always thought it's not for me but I took myself off to the Cancer Council and asked for some literature on survivorship and counselling. I spoke to this lovely woman and I had barely finished my sentance and I started to cry. I felt so embarrassed but I couldn't stop crying. She sat me down at the table and brought a box of tissues over and I just cried and tried to tell her my problems. I barely said one sentance then cried then said one sentance then cried blew my nose then start all over again.

She asked me what I wanted to do and I said I didn't know since my surgery the mastectomy has healed up fine but I have to be careful with the lymph node removal under my arm. She asked if I would be interested in volunteering there for an hour a week or something and I thought yeah I'd love to.

After talking to her I felt so much better like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And I felt validated which was a huge boost to my shattered confidence and self esteem after 10 months of all of this gruelling treatment. I don't know if any of this makes sense to you and I have waffled on for quite a bit but once I start I can't seem to stop.

And you know what? today I noticed the sound of the ocean sounds so reassuring and sweet. and the sound of the cicadas would have to be one of the most beautifully Australian sounds I've ever heard. And the sky looked so blue and the trees looked so green today.

Sandra xx

I felt really strange when I finished my chemo and my oncologist told me she didn't need to see me for 3 months. I felt almost bereft! I was so used to seeing her every three weeks that all of a sudden my security was gone. When I finished surgery and had my follow up appointment, my surgeon said he see me in six months. When I'd pretty much finished my major treatment, I felt like life was telling me "I'll see you in 12 months". I feel like everyone is a year ahead and I had a 'Hiatus' from life in 2013. Don't get me wrong, I felt light as air when midnight came ushering in 2014. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. But I had my 'back to work' plan meeting with my supervisor yesterday and it was the first time I'd been in my office since Feb 2013 and it felt totally alien. It was like I was going for a job interview. Yes I am lucky I have a job to go back to but the girl who was doing my job has had a promotion which I have been working towards for the past couple of years now. I was going to apply for it last year but......... So I have decided to 'move on'.

I know it will take a bit to catch up to myself but I am still taking things one day at a time. I am embracing life again and loving it.

I hope your feeling of 'what now' doesn't last but it's natural to feel a bit lost. You can only move forward from here.

Love and hugs Janey xxx

I know just how you feel Sue. When I went back to work after treatments,I felt I didn't belong there anymore.This was a job I'd been in for 16 years -liked the work,liked my workmates.It had been my second bout of bc and a little voice in my head said what if you only had another year to live? Something snapped and I quit my job,sold my home of 23years and downsized to a smaller home. I joined an art class and also started a breast cancer support group in my area. My mum is terminally ill now so I am able to look after her cos I'm not working.It all seemed to fall into place. Along with a healthy lifestyle,peace of mind is important and sometimes you need to make changes to get there. When the planets line up,you'll know it!   Tonya xx

My journey taught me patients, a great deal more sympathy, an urge to do something more to help others and above all how precious daily life is. Perhaps I needed to be more compasionate. Appreciate my Daughters and grandchildren more by spending time with them. Life becomes so busy and time goes by quickly, each day has become a blessing. In time you get back to your old self and realise it was such a short span of your life being ill, there is so much more ahead. What you feel is normal but will pass. 

Love Chrisy

I'm only halfway through my treatment and I had a down day yesterday. I kept thinking 'I want my old life back', and was very teary. One of the ladies on this site has said that what you end up with is a new normal and I already know this is true. I haven't completely come to terms with the way life is for me at the moment, like you, I feel everyone is moving ahead except for me. This morning I am feeling a little better and I realise that I am moving forward, this treatment is going to reduce my chances of a reoccurance. My hope is that my 'new normal' is going to be better, I have already become a much stronger person than I was before and I have discovered that my friends and family love me more than I ever knew. These are two positive things that have come out of my having cancer. I'm not sure what the reason is as to why this has happened, but it has and we will get through this and know our fight has been worthwhile. I hope you find your new normal and live life to it's fullest, best wishes, sending you a big hug, 

Hazelxx