'Not so good'

I am a 53 year old mum of three beautiful adult children.  Gone through a messy separation, just beginning to get my life and career back on track and what happens? 

Thursday 8 October I found a dimpling in my right breast while taking a shower – dread filled me….I knew this was not good.   I had not been ill at all – never even had a dr I called my own, simply went to the local medical centre when I had the odd sniffle or flu.  My daughter gave me her drs name and number and the next day I went to see them.   She immediately said ‘that’s not good’ and sent me for a mammogram.

Friday 9 October I had a mammogram and the technician agreed it wasn’t good, then we had an ultrasound, which confirmed the dimple housed a mass.  The dr came in to see me with the unhappy news that it wasn’t good and that she had spoken to my dr who had ordered a biopsy…..we did this straight away and I went straight back to the drs who said she was referring me to the breast cancer clinic as the news wasn't good.

Thursday 15 October I went to the breast clinic for the first time and another biopsy. Then in limbo land waiting to determine the length of how ‘not good’ this was. On 26 October I received the bad news that I had a tumour and we all agreed the best way to deal with it was a lumpectomy, removal of sentinel node and a reduction on the other breast. From thereon a whirlwind of appts, tests, admissions, scans….. all in preparation for surgery on 12 November.   Following an uneventful operation, I was discharged two days later…… what?  Hello?  Is that it?   Home with nurses visiting me for dressings until my follow up apt with the surgeon on 23 November…..the news was not as good as we had hoped.

Results showed a stage 3 ductal carcinoma and the node removed showed positive for cancer cells. This meant that I would have the full gambit – chemo, radiation therapy.  So the next round of appointments were set up and I was ready to be handed on from the surgical team to the oncology team after my final appointment 30 November.  

In the middle of this my work advertised and I was interviewed for the dream job I had thrown my hat into the ring for.Armed with a boob full of dripping dressings wrapped in a newborn's nappy (one of the nurses suggested this and it worked a treat!) I was interviewed by a panel who asked me questions in concert, until it came to the lady on the panel who had narcolepsy, and kept dropping off…..but that’s another story. Luckily I was successful. 

Despite all the unctions and treatments the discharge from my left nipple continued unabated.  On 30 November I went back to the clinic and they ceremoniously declared that this was not good! Mourn the death of my nipple. As the eighth dr and registrar and nurse filed into my small cubicle to look at the poor embattled skin, they declared that the nipple had necrotised and ‘was not good’ – it would need surgical debrasion as it risked becoming septic…….what they didn’t tell me was that I had developed septicaemia and I was becoming septic.  From my admission and surgery (immediately) I awoke to pain greater than that I have ever experienced and still wake up in cold sweats remembering.  The drains which everyone assured me was a horror I had escaped with my first operation entered my life with a fierceness I was unprepared for.  I spent days hooked to a machine with my open wound being washed and drained through a pump.  These dressings changes required general anaesthetic and large quantities of painkillers, and many tears.

Following two weeks of this, I was discharged - This began my intimate relationship with drains, then a myriad of dressings, starting with vac dressings, then smaller vac dressings….then large dressings, then smaller dressings…… three months in all before I was cleared ready to move onto my next treatment… but from there on, things have started to become 'all good'!

Last week I met with my oncologist who ordered a number of tests for me to begin the next stage of the journey…chemo. All good!

It is the 8 February and today I have been cleared by my surgical team and all good for tomorrow – my next step on the journey. I will have four AC infusions over twelve weeks, each separated by three weeks.

I have posted this to mark the basis that I will post from as I undertake treatments - apologies it is long winded, this is my first attempt at a blog!

thanks to everyone whose post I have read and been inspired by - I hope to plan and write as much 'goodness' as I can find in the coming months.

Gayl