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JessicaV's avatar
JessicaV
Member
12 years ago

Mapping the Territory

I am starting to see a bit of a pattern for me.

Step1: I got the information that I had Breast Cancer would need surgery to have any chance but who knows it might be too late and I would soon  get confirmation that I had only weeks or months left to live, would never see my grandchildren etc..In other words I had  that  little bit of knowledge they say is a dangerous thing.

I spent quite some time getting facts so I could talk the language and understand the articles, which helped me understand it was likely that I still have decades ahead of me. I reached out to friends and relatives who reached out on my behalf, and I found this website. And perhaps what helped most was meeting the wonderful surgeon who would skillfully handle the central initial problem for me and direct me through the steps involved. I did a lot of research first  to verify that he was really good first. With all of this in place I felt ready to kick ass.

Step 2: I got  the pathology report, and again found myself with a little bit of knowledge but not enough. Not quite as scary, but sobering, and suddenly I wondered if  Grade 3 with a 8/9score, a total of 8.2cm of cancer, margins of only .2ml under the DCIS, and either HER2+v or TNBC was actually that imminent death I had feared before. Don't see the oncologist until Wednesday week, so ten days of not knowing much more ahead. I know she too is really good, and will give me the best possible chance of the best possible outcome.

So I am starting to see how amazingly good I am at winding myself up by catastrophising whenever I am in this position of having a little knowledge. I hope that having noticed that I will remind myself that the good holding, the good solution is already locked in for me, and all will be well.

As a psychologist, one of the things I tell my clients is that it is just as easy to dream of miracles as to catastrophise, that both create a fantasy future, but the first makes you feel so good in the interim and the second makes you feel really bad, so why do it?

I am finding this BC journey a great opportunity to test out the things I have been giving to my clients to see how well they work, and also to learn more from you fabulous vise fellow travellers

 

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  • Chris's avatar
    Chris
    Member
    12 years ago
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    Hi Jessica, It is an amazing learning curve, and you learn surprisingly quickly. I understand about this issue of a bit of knowledge, as I am a nurse, so every possible scenario has been played out in my mind. My little bit of knowledge freaked me out when the surgeon told me i had grade 3 cancer. My mind said stage 3, which was worse than the stage 2, I had. In my panic I rang my sister, also a nurse, who in turn rang my mother a nurse as well. I was dead and buried, before my daughter a radiographer sat down and collected the data and said that I couldn't be stage 3, but possibly he meant grade 3, and I got it mixed up. I try very hard now not to try and guess the outcomes, because I remember that fear like it was yesterday. Love Chris xx