Hi, This is my first post after being diagnosed with Breast Cancer only a few weeks ago. I have never been so scared about anything ever before. I had a lumpectomy last week, and have only just found out that I need a Mystectomy performed next week, and am waiting on my results for a bone scan and chest x-ray tomorrow. I know that everyone has had the same feelings but I was wondering if anyone could offer any advice on a) Telling the kids. I have a 7 and 5 year old. At the moment they know that I have a sore and need it removed. Do I tell them everything?? and b) How to deal with families and friends. At the moment I feel like I'm holding everyone up as they're all falling apart around me. Even to the point telling my sister that I'm going to hang up if there is any negativity. Don't think that's the right way to handle it, so I thought I'd ask for some advice off you guys that have been there. I can't thank you enough. xxx

Hi there I can understand about friends and family - you do indeed feel like you are holding them up while they collapse. My advice would be to simply ask for their support in any way they can. My sisters cleaned my house for me, especially after surgery and also prepared frozen meals to take me through treatment. I had a mastectomy last August and it isn't as bad as you think - the recovery is quite painless and quick. You'll be up and about in no time. Make sure you stay positive - if you give off that positive vibe then friends and family will probably follow suit. Sure, there will be times you have a good cry with either, but that is needed from time to time. Be prepared for some friends to freak out a bit and not stay in touch - some of mine did that and while I'm very disappointed, at the same time I realise that some people just can't handle this sort of event. I hope this is of help. Keep looking forward and just go one day at a time. Tink xx

Welcome to this network where you'll get lots of support. The first time I got bc,I told everyone and then found myself consoling them and putting on a brave front. The second time around(7years later)I didn't say anything until I knew my surgery date and I'd had time to get my head around the bc diagnosis again.There is no right or wrong way to deal with family/friends but when I found it abit overwhelming,I'd get my husband to answer all phone calls and say I was resting or whatever.You just want to hide away sometimes and have peace/quiet.We just have to remember that they care about us and it's a shock for them too.If you've had a lumpectomy then pain wise,recovery wise, a mastectomy op is much the same. Obviously,it can be harder psychologically for many women.Initially,I was just glad the cancer and the breast was gone.But after that,I took awhile to adjust and feel ok about body image etc.I guess you know your children better than anyone and what they can comprehend. Mine were older at the time but thinking back when they were 5 and 7,I would have been honest and explained that a bad disease called cancer was in my breast and the doctor had to take it off.It would be all gone and I'd be fine.But it might make me abit sad and they could help with hugs n cuddles.I wouldn't want them to over hear the word cancer,see me or others crying and not know what was going on.I had a miscarriage when my girls were that age and I was honest with them,in simple terms ofcourse.The breast cancer journey is a tough ride and you don't have to be brave at this network.It's a great place to vent your fears and frustrations.We know what you are going through.Big hug,Tonya xx

Hi welcome it is a hard time people don't know what to say. I was very lucky I had friends that have been soo supportive and others that stepped back. The hardest thing is to be strong for everyone else take one day at a time. For your kids I cant help you as mine are adults and can be just as difficult because they are more aware of what is going on. Not sure where you are but I'm sure there must be some resourses out there maybe a book. I'm sure there will be someone on this site he can help you as they are going through the same. Take care of yourself, you have a long road ahead, enjoy the good bits and try and move on from the badxx

Feeling Overwhelmed | BCNA Online Network

Weekesy
Member
11 years ago
Thanks so much everyone for your comments. They have all been so helpful from everyone. The kids have taken it well, but my little girl had a little cry last night and is feeling a little overwhelmed with also starting school on Monday and I go in for my Mystectomy on Tuesday.

The good news is that my body scans came back clear. Which is fantastic news. I was a little shocked to hear the tumor was 6cm so it was quite big and in my lymph nodes, and is also HER2 positive. Just trying to get to Tuesday now and then deal with the chemo the week after. I had to have a break from the site over the past couple of days as I felt I was just information overloaded, and I didn't even want to think about it for a day atleast. But I thankyou all for your help, advice and comments. I'm in the sutherland shire in NSW so I'm looking for a group around there, there is a couple in my information booklet the hospital gave me so when I'm feeling up to it I might contact them. I hope you're all doing well with your treatment etc. Thanks for everything.
Weekesy
Member
11 years ago
Thanks so much for all your information. I just ordered the book today. Feeling a little better and the kids have been great, but the book will really help them understand. Good luck with all your treatment. It's definately not an easy time, and so much information!!!
Polly_Rose
Member
11 years ago
Hi Weekesy. Sorry to hear that you have joined the bc ranks. Hopefully you are recovering ok and able to find what direction things will take for you. Telling kids about cancer is always a challenge as they have different levels of ability when it comes to understanding the information and making sense of it. There is a really good book available from the Cancer Council. It is called "My Mums Got Breast Cancer" and its a great little picture book that the kids can relate to more easily. Maybe you could try reading it with them as a family and then perhaps letting them take it away and look at the pictures and read for themselves. They might then come to you with questions about what is in the book and some questions may seem strange but it will just be their own way of processing what is going on. The book is $ 8.45 plus postage. Perhaps you could also think about asking the school if they can help. Most schools have resources available to assist families in these situations and may be able to keep an eye on how your child is coping for you as well. Hope this helps. Good luck for the mastectomy next week. I finished 6 months of chemo yesterday and am seeing my surgeon next week to plan my mastectomy and auxiliary clearance so like you I'm feeling a bit nervous about the unknown as I have not had any surgery yet and have no idea what to expect. I hope you have the opportunity to post something to let us know how you are going. Cheers Pollyrose
TonyaM
Member
11 years ago
You can search this network for a list of support groups.I run a group in north west Sydney called Kellyville Breast Buddies. You are welcome if you live anywhere near there. Tonya xx
Cook65
Member
11 years ago
Hi again You may find that people don't settle down as quickly as you may think. Good on hubby for wanting to do it all but the fact is, if he is working. Then he can't. I take someone with me to all my appointments and I have chemo buddies who come with me to my treatments. Hubby is going to need a break too. It's exhausting for everyone. If it helps, create a bit of a roster. Get people who can cook to make a meal or two, but tell them what you want them to make, get someone to drive you to appointments, someone to drop off the kids to school and pick them up on ad days etc. people genuinely want to help but just don't know what to do. I doing ok thanks. Through the worst of it now I think
Weekesy
Member
11 years ago
Thanks so much for your reply. Everyone's advice has been fantastic. I think the nurse is even looking into a support group in my area. Think that might be a good idea aswell. I hope you're doing okay.
Weekesy
Member
11 years ago
Hi Karen, Thanks so much for your message. I had thought about facebook, atleast people wouldn't be contacting me direct and I wouldn't have to look at it if I didn't want. I tried turning my phone off, but then was expecting a call from the doctor!! Hopefully, everyone will calm down a little now. It's very hard. Everyone wants to help, but no one knows what to do and my husband wants to do everything, but has no time. As you said take each day as it comes. Just need to get through test results today and then surgery Tuesday. I hope you're doing okay now. xxx
Weekesy
Member
11 years ago
Thanks so much for your reply post. Everything went well. I can't handle anyone getting upset either. It's just the shock I think and no one knows how to help. Very nervous about next week, but the doctors and nurses are amazing so I'm in good hands. Thanks again. I hope you're doing well.
Weekesy
Member
11 years ago
Thanks so much for your reply. At first the network on this site seems a little daunting but it seems fantastic and so supportive. Not sure if you just keep adding thoughts or to look at other peoples posts? I'm sure I'll have lots of time in the next few weeks to have a good look. Everything went well telling the kids. I read everyones responses and it all gave me so much strength. It is quite a scary journey. My daughter asked last night if my hair would grow back, so it went from there. They were easily distracted, so I only gave a little bit of information, but feel so much better, as she said that I'm always on the phone!! So they do notice alot. I hope you're doing well now. Thanks again for your reply and support.
Weekesy
Member
11 years ago
HI, Thanks so much for your reply. It is so nice to hear from people who have been there aswell. And thanks for letting me know the mastectomy wasn't as bad as you think. It's so hard to know what to think. My daughter starts school on Monday so I want to get back home as quickly as I can. Thanks again and I hope you're doing okay now.