Forum Discussion

Cook65's avatar
Cook65
Member
10 years ago

Distress

Hi All

I have something delicate I wish to bring up but I don't want to upset anyone else. My aunt died of cancer yesterday. I had an uncle pass away with cancer about a month ago as well. I'm distressed at their loss but there is more to my grief than that. I'm really struggling with the fact that they have died of cancer. It's like my own mortality has been pushed in my face. I'm due to finish treatments soon and all should be good but I'm swamped with this feeling of foreboding. It's almost like a premonition that this is how I'm going to go. It is making me quite anxious but it is silly because none of us know how we will exit this world and even if we did know,  there's not much we can do about it.  I find it disturbing that we allow people to linger on. My aunt was unresponsive for days before she succumbed.  I'm trying very hard to push these feelings down but they are still there. I guess I'm just scared of the future. A future that is uncertain. But why worry about the future. Won't that only ruin today?  I can rationalise it all in my head beautifully but it doesn't stop this foreboding feeling. Am I just going nuts? Do others who have had cancer feel this way too? I'm sorry if I have upset anyone. I guess I'm just trying to find out if this is normal or not. Because right now it doesn't feel normal to me. 

Karen 

  • Chixon's avatar
    Chixon
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Karen. What you are feeling is quite normal. You are grieving for your Aunt and Uncle  and still coming to grips with your own treatments. I was just saying to my husband the other day.....'not a day goes by that I don't hear the word 'cancer'..whether it be on TV, magazine or in the paper. It just brings to the fore my vulnerability as to my own mortality I think. I know it is a normal reaction..but once we are diagnosed with cancer ..we remain optimistic for the future..which is very  positive for a lot of us..but we have our moments of doubt and just being scared at times. Just remember you are nearly at the end of your treatments..we are all unique...try and keep good thoughts. God Bless.Chris.x

  • June1952's avatar
    June1952
    Member
    10 years ago
    Hi Karen Please give yourself credit. Yes, you are thinking the thoughts we all think at some stage but you have a double-whammy as you are also grieving for your Aunt. Is there an 'outsider' with whom you can confide ? Just someone who can be there to chat with you and help you get through. To watch someone towards the end of their life is so sad as sometimes you cannot express what you feel towards them and at other times you sort of know they would not understand through the fog of medications. We certainly are kinder to our animals. The funeral of your Aunt will be a very hard day for you as no doubt family members will try to relate to her illness and yours. I will be thinking of you. We are all scared of our future (or lack of) but we have to try to get on with life in the best way we can whilst we have it. You have had a particularly hard road in many aspects but you are still here and still smiling. I wish for you peace and happiness. Big cyber hugs Summer :-)
  • Mira's avatar
    Mira
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Karen,

    It sounds like you have had a difficult time of it lately.  I think all of us, regardless of if we have cancer or not, think about our own mortality when someone close to us dies.  It's perfectly normal. 

    None of us know what is going to happen in the future, I still buy lotto tickets just in case.  Remember you are probably grieving at the moment and we all handle it differently.   Be kind to yourself.

    cheers

    Mira

  • Hazel_M's avatar
    Hazel_M
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Karen, I, too, have these feelings sometimes. I have a friend who has been battling Stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma for 4 years and sometimes I think, why her? why not me? Different cancers I know, but I can't figure it out. She always looked after herself, exercise, healthy eating etc. I, on the other hand am not a good example of healthy living and I'm going ok. When I hear of people dying of cancer, I have those thoughts that you are having, but I force them out of my mind and carry on. You're right, we don't know what is in store for us in the future, best to live in the present from day to day. So, yes, I think it's normal to think that way. I also agree about letting people linger, it's a terrible thing to watch people we love suffer at the end. We can only hope they are pain free. It's all a bit fresh for you with your Aunt, hopefully time will ease your bad thoughts. All the best, 

    Hazel xx