AC Chemo - Days 9 - 11 (more distressing tummy performances and hairloss makes an appearance)

Well I had a shocker of a few days both physically and emotionally and to be honest kind of feel like I kid that is going through some turbulent times unable to do anything to help itself as it is the 'adults' that decided what happens to it, are not communicating as they think kids are not capable of understanding and they keep on making wrong decisions thus exposing me to more pain, grief and making it impossible for me to care for myself as they are witholding valuable information.

Man I HATE HATE HATE feeling volnurable and exposed and with absolutely no control seeing that normally I am the one thinking and caring for eeberyon and not just myself. Talk about 'faith worse than death'... (well I guess being diagnosed with BI bring the idea of death closer to home so will never really be able to take tahat old saying seriously but I am sure you guys get the idea as to my current headspace).

My day 9 was again predominantly tummy occupied.... After having a decent nights sleep ended up having 2 or 3 toilet episodes of soft poo and happily for me they were not combined with spisodes of fire expulsions so I felt my day was off to a fabulous start.

Had nice brekkie, took the washing out, watched TV while muching on some orange segments that my husband finally pre-prepared for me... cooked a pot of lovely chicken soup... I mean the morning was fabulous and lazy.

So lazy that come.post having some.of the soup I though of my lack of exercise and any serious movement and decided to exercise a bit.while wathing TV as sun was strong outside and did not want to venture out due to potential of sunburn.

I started stretching and kind of walking in the same spot and after about 2 mon tummy began to feel tender. It was not the 'voilently ill' feeling of days before it but tender never the less. 1 more min and good old "get to to loo NOW' panic hits and as run for my life the pain intensifies but thankfully I make it in time.

Well no explosions even though I thought there would be an equivalent of Mt Vesuvious and instead it is just runny poos accompanied by very intense lower stomach pain.  Also there is smell - very unpleasant one that feel bery wrong and very unfamiliar. Then I realise that there is also oresence of dark thickish blood. That is when after initial shock panic starts to hit.

I am no stranger to blood in stools as I have a condition that can cause intestinal bleeds plus a recurrong fissure but I know bright red is beter than dark blood. Dark means it is not my irritatedsacorched bumhole but that the bleed is higher up in the bowell or intestines.

Once it passes I take my sorry arse to the couch feelong sorry for myself and as the pain is not subsiding I am curled up and stressing about the blood. I remeber we are clotting slower in week 2 of AC chemo so I am really worried about where in my gut I am bleeding.

Over the next 4 hours I proceed to contend with severe stomach pain and 4 more repeats of the loo episode - each similar to the one before but runnier and more painfull every next toilet trip. Every next expulsion is greener and greener with the 5th distinctly dark green and I know that means time.to panic as green means it is the feeshly injwsted food that had exited in a matter of hours of being consumed. I know whatever is happening in the gut is extreme once distinct green appears.

I after the 2nd one did get some rice onto the stove really fast with some veggie stock powder and turmeric knowing I have to try add something to my gut that will start to mop up the fluids. Once cooked I start to kuch on it while making sure I stay hydrated and continue to sook.

That 5th very dark green poo still mixed in with more dark blood prompts me to call the cancer centre as I am now worried if I should go to the hospital or stay as I am.

They are not alarmed by severe case of runs that had turned green but they decided blood needs to be run last the doctors so they will call me back. Upon calling me back turns out doctors not fussed by the blood as long as my blood pressure is OK and I am mot fainting and I am to take gastro stop and treat it as any other runs seeing I am coming in to see the oncologist the next day.

Gastrostop - easier said than done. Chemist is maybe 100-150m away but I cannot make more than 5 steps without causing another onset of runs so I stay curled up on the sofa untill hubby can get home with the tablets after work.

Happy to say sitting still eating boiled rice worked and by the time hubby got home I did not need to take gastrostop and contied with 'rice, water and stock' diet.

Day 10 came with me waking up in fear of having more bloody runs but happy I get to finally see rhe Oncologist and make some sense of my past 10 days of weird fiery sideeffecs - finally an opportunity to understand if all this is in fact 'normal'.

Happy to say when finally went to the lood late morning while still faced with very runny poo there is no blood BUT had a shock as it is bright fluorescent yellot. Not kidding - damn thing was colour of a highlighter pretty much. Somehow I remember my turmeric laden rics and that kind of gives me relief thinking must be turmeric.

Day goes by uneventfully until I see the oncologist who upon learning of 3 sideeffects of my chemo that I spoke off first declares he will cwase my chemo altogether. I will notgomon about that as there is another post already explaining this and the shit sotuation I am in now. I am only mentioning this as in my previous posts days 5 onwards I did describe some hair raising tummy and fire breathing arse episodes which maybe should not be as extreme for others. He does think my body is reacting in ways not mormal for this Chemo regime so chance is you guys will not have to experience the extremes of stomach reactions I have been experiencing. Well appointment ends with him not cancelling the chemo and deciding he will take a week to think about it. If he agrees to proceed the 2nd session will again see me admitted overnight and sent home the next day if there are no complications and we take it from there if 3rd chemo is administered or they just stop chemo permanently. I also must get in to see a gastroentorologist and get them to agree with my proceeding with chemo for him to do 2nd chemo session.

I did somehow get home without crashing my car and I admire myself dricing an hour through peak hour Sydney traffic and achieving no crashes as my head was definitely not functioning.

The rest of the evening went by with me sniweling on the couch, my hubby walking arround the house like a zombie once I told him they want to stop my chemo and all in all it was a svery shitty evening. Weirdly enough though managed to get a very decent night's sleep. I thought I was not going to be able to sleep or would be waking with nightmares but somehow my brain thankfully went catatonic and apart from waking up to change as I did have an episode of hot flushes I slept like a baby for the first time in weeks.

Day 11 started with me still in somber mood and all teary. Yes we had a loo trip to start off when the bright yellow poo make a comeback and this time I knew that was not turmeric as the previous day I lived of toast and baked potatoes so I knew it was in fact my liver that was now acting up. Combined with knowing I now had a battle on my hands not to be excluded from further chemo that liver problem now appearing was a crushing blow.

I do not know if yellow poo is normal for AC Chemo and will go away (oe temporary) or it is a full blown liver inflammation I was thrown in. And I am not wanting anyone involved with the hospital to know as I do not want to give them one more reason to stop my chemo. Anyway I make a call to the gastroentorologist pleeding they scqueeze me in but no luck. They are feeling forry for my situation but she is overbooked as is for the next month muchless for then next week and a half.

I call my GP to try and get in to see him so he can try to call someone that will make time for me but he too is overbooked. 

Luckilly for me the receptionist decides to do the wrong thing and squeeze me in at 3pm so there is still time for him to call gastroentorologists and pleed my case...

The day goes by somber - I am preoccupied by trying to come up with a strategy on how I get the hospital not to cancel the chemo as well as how to survive the 2nd chemo if they do agree to it with lesser or more managable side effects.

To be honest I am angry both at the hospital and the oncologist and at myself. I am angry at them for letting me down by both not providing sufficient information for me to be able to gauge what was happening to me not to be the norm and for them just turning arround and stating well chemo has to stop since my body reacted like this. I am angry that nobody stepped in to help me manage my symptoms differently as for 10 days they stated "that is just chemo" when I reported allarming sideeffects and had someone seen me and spoken with me properly maybe we could have changed my diet to mittigate some of those things. This way I probably made things worse for my self and my body.

I make a plea to the brest care nurse asking her to make time for me as I need help understanding my situation and planing how to proceed. She too is overbooked and cannot see me and I feel badly I am lutting burden on her now.... All in all the day is an absolute mess and alongside of worrying abiut goong forward I am freaking out about my liver and bright yellow poo as I have no way of finding out if this is normal and shall.pass or not normal and my already damaged liver has now suffered some serious damage and needs medical treatment.

Breastcare nurse kindly volunteers her planned 20 min lunch break for me to see her but I honestly could not do that to her so we agree for a time slot the next day.

Soon after a call from the gastroentorolist that they had a cancellation for following wednesday and the receptionist who felt sorry for me as I explained the whole situation when calling initially gives me that apppintment instead of to those already on their waiting list.

I honestly can say it felt like all my Christmasses had come at once. O decided to cancel the GP appointment as he cannot help me understand if my liver trouble is temporary or not and as I am not in physucal distress I figure give it another day to see if it improves and turns into a passing problems that is part and parcel of chemo or not. Plus breast care nurse may have a better idea and if she thinks it is trouble we will deal with it the next day.

So the rest of the day I conxentrate on eating caloric meals that will.keep my energy levels up but not irritate the gut too much. My tummy not feeling very tender any more so I must say the day improved as far as I am concerned. Still have some fresh blood to deal with but all in all I have devised it is onwards and upwards from here (providing my liver proves to be a passing problem).

So much for me and my overly eventfull Chemo...

Oh yeas... I forgot.... Day 9 I went to get my hair chopped off leaving me witha crew cut any army recruit would envy... well, last night, day 11, I realised my hair is already starting to fall off.

Dueing the day I though I could see some rhin areas rhen then thkught I was imagining it and it was thelight playing tricks as I am dark blonde so light can play tricks and scalp is visible as is... well sitting on a couch wartching a movie last night and kind of playing with my spiky feeling hair I realised there are little hairs falling on my chin and staying on the palm of my hand... Kind of like when your fribge is being cut and ou get a few hairs hit your face and as tou try to brush them off. That is when it hits me - MY HAIR IS ALREADY FALLING OUT... those funny looking patches from earlier in the day on the side I sleep on are in fact thinning hair and not a lighting trick... Wow - I did not think they start to fall out as early as day 10 and 11...

And all I can say is rhat I am really really glad I cut it before they started to fall out. Day 9 when I went crew cut was a shock but I have had 3 days to het used to that before being faced with falling out stage and honestly did not find the falling out bit distressing at all. Original cut eas more of a shock and harder to accept getting arround the next few days and walking past mirrors. But after 2-3 days I was now used to the new look and no longer shocked as I see my reflection so since this crew cut is now normal I do not see complete loss as being a huge deal.

Jel.