Distress

Good on you Karen. If you don't want to dump anymore around your husband at the moment, because I know he's been really supportive, going for a long walk and having a good cry can help. Or get in the car, drive somewhere pretty, and let it all out. Cars are good for a rant and a howl, as no one can see or hear you! Fingers crossed re the scans, and do let us know how you go. Good to hear you are over the treatment. Hopefully that will help you feel better physically. xx

Thanks Pam. It's been a rough day today. I have had my bone scan and ct for the new pain and my final treatment. My port played up and they struggled to get a bung in.  I'm tired and emotional and have decided to just "feel" the feelings for a while. It has been a rough couple of months, so I just need to go with it. I know that pushing down the emotions is not good for you so I'm trying really hard not to.  Xox

Hi Karen - I don't think there's any such thing as 'normal' feelings with BC. You are feeling what you are feeling, so it's legitimate and real. Can understand you feeling so vulnerable, but I think you're better to get the feelings out and talk about them rather than trying to push them down. Otherwise you try to bury them alive, but you don't usually succeed because they haven't really been dealt with. We all live with that nasty little shadow sitting on our shoulders after BC. Yours is probably bigger because of the family history, but this DOES NOT mean you will automatically follow in their paths. You've been through such a tough time with the work issues as well, and now losing 2 relatives and going through all that grief. I think what you're feeling is perfectly understandable - I'm sure I'd be in exactly the same boat. So just keep talking to us - we are all thinking of you. Pam xx.

Hi Karen. It is sooo hard waiting for repeat bone scans,  CT scans etc...but think of it this way..' peace of mind' is wonderful. I have had a repeat bone scan..biopsy of a 'lesion' on my uterus..and they came back negative!  Give yourself time to grieve..be kind to yourself..you have been through so much and you deserve to take a step back and look after you. God Bless. Chrisx

Hi Karen,

My heart goes out to you my dear.  Yes everything you're feeling is completely normal.  You've lost two close relatives to cancer.  You need to allow yourself time to grieve.  Plus we're all fighting cancer and it does raise our attention to our own mortality.  The only thing I can suggest is if you could have a chat with a psychologist or counselor to help cope with the grief your facing.  Sometimes an outside can be better.  I know there's psychologists attached to oncology units. I'm planning to see one when I have my next chemo treatment to talk about my own issues of body image (no boob, no hair, what next?), but that all pales into insignificance when I hear about what you're going through.

Your aunt's funeral will be a difficult day for you.  Sending you lots of strength.

Big hug, Karen xx

Thank you every one.

It makes you feel better when you know you aren't the only one who feels like this.  I do have a counsellor but I don't have an appointment with her for another couple of weeks. Maybe I should try to get in earlier! I agree Summer, that we do treat our animals kinder. And yes Chris it does feel like every second word you hear is cancer or cancer related. I'm having a bone scan and a ct done on Thursday due to a "new pain" and the fact that I lost 3 kgs in a week. Even the onc said it is unlikely to be anything but I know that is playing on my mind also.  When you break it down, yes I have had a bit on my plate over the last few months and it's not unreasonable that my positivity and resolve is waining somewhat. I think I do need to allow myself the time to grieve and try to acknowledge the pain and fear that I feel instead of trying to push down my feelings like I usually do. Thanks so much for all of your comments. You guys are the best. ???? Karen 

Hi Karen

I'm only at the start of this journey, diagnosed only 1 mth ago.

I see the cancer word everywhere now and hear it. Before I always thought of us and prayed, now the realisation hits me that I have this now.

In saying that I have spent the last month laughing and crying, but mostly trying to stay positive.

I loved all the responses from the lovely ladies above. So much love, positivity and support, it's just amazing.

When my fear creeps in, which happens alot, long before my diagnosis I say this scripture.

God did not give me a spirit of fear but of love, power and sound mind.

It helps me so much.

I'm so sorry for your losses recently, I will continue to pray and uplift you in prayer to help you through this time of grieving and a renewed hope and trust that you will be okay and feel that comfort.

Cheers, Karen xxx

Hi Karen, I think what you are feeling is normal.You've lost 2 relatives,so you are grieving and your treatment is finishing soon which can be an anxious time.Maybe you just need to cry and'feel' it all?In time you'll remember your aunt and uncle as they were and not how they died.Last year my mum died of liver cancer and soon after my brotherinlaw died of brain cancer. His death and lead up to was very hard but my mum's death was a good one.She had 14 mths to get everything in order,got to stay in her own bed surrounded by family, nursed and kept out of pain by me.At 81 she wasn't afraid of death and believed she'd join dad whose death she never got over.I still have my sad moments and miss her terribly but am getting on with life.I've had 2 bouts of bc and each time I found it took about 2 years to get confidence back in my health.I would have frequent 'gloom n doom'thoughts but finding a distraction helped eg meditation and my favourite-art therapy.Find some quiet'me' time to nourish your soul. Big hug,Tonya xx

Hi Karen, loosing people you love in short order is tough at any time.  A few years ago we lost my brothers partner and a cousin to cancer followed by two aunts and an uncle over 3 months.  It was a really hard time and I hate to think of the impact on me if that happened now when I have had to face my own mortality.  There is no easy fix but your feelings sound pretty normal to me.  Grief takes its own path.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  Sending you a cyber hug and positive vibes.  Maureen

Hi Karen I know how you feel, I have found it difficult at times to accept that I have cancer and that fear of dying thrown up at me. Some days are worse than others and I get a double wammy as I look after pallitive patients. It is not the same as losing a family member but it is always there reminding me that 1 day it might be me. My way of coping is laughing and trying to get as much joy into my life as I can.

As you told me when my dad died it takes time and you need to grieve. Take care sending you a hugxx