bad day

Thankyou Fran,

My husband has started joking that he needs tamoxifen too so he can have a good excuse to be phscho too. We realise what is throwing out the balance and we are trying to make light of the situation and joke about it. Its just hard some days.

Thanks for your message your so wise and everyword you wrote is true. I hope you are well and look forward to the next time we get to catch up xx

i just read what you wrote about who will bring up the kids how we want if we are gone. I think about that so often i even said to my partner the other day if i die you have to be nicer to the kids. I am terrified of dieing because i do not think any one could raise them how i do.

I donot know how you do it alone. Sometimes i think it would be easier not having anyone elses influence on their upbringing but then i think about how hard everything else would be being alone.

We need to talk about thing more i know and i will start making more time for this.

Thanks for your advice it really helped me clear my head a little xx

Thanks Sam,

Its so true what you wrote. I donot have time for nonsense and i feel that i have grown so much as a person from this experience. I don't think that my hubby has been able to draw as much from this whole experience and i have to learn not to blame him for that but maybe help him to grow as his own person too.

I am so young, life was really just beginning then we got hit with the cancer news we had to change our lives completely.

We'll get there... i hope.

I hope that you are well i think of you often.

Take care, Danielle

Hi Leonie,

Thanks for being so honest. You know i think your right about the partners being angry with the cancer not us but it just all gets crossed up and confused. I had never looked at it like that.

It must of been so hard for you and your hubby to hear the news again a second time around. As you say just when you were relaxing a little about it to.

It is nice being able to talk to other ladies it really helps me feel a sense of normal.

I definately need to talk about things a little more with him and not let situations escalate. It s just hard when i am not sure how i feel alot of the time.

Thanks heaps for opening up about your situation. It definately helps.

Take Care, Danielle xx

Hey Daniel, you are normal, i think we all have had times where we have snapped at the kids , grandkids and especially husbands and they to us, i agree with Leonie, some of their anger is fear and helplessness men are always the one to protect and be the strong one's that fix every thing but cancer changes all this. it turns all we have and are upside down and it is never the same again. they get frustrated by all this and at times take it out on us . don't be hard on him or yourself it is a major major adjustment. it's not just the cancer it's who and what we were. our sexuality is changed and our sex lives everything and they have to adjust to all this too and it can be hard for them to understand why at times we dont want to be touched.

all the medications change our moods and hormones etc and at times i know i am the bitch from hell  but he can be the bastard from hell at times too. 

make you time just you and him , 

i know i dont cop any crap now and if i don't want to say or do something i dont . cancer changes us all , but be patient and tell each other you love each other never go out or to bed angry , and remember how lucky you really are, hard at times i know but i always feel there are others worse off, 

remember all the good , take care love Fran

Hey Daniel, you are normal, i think we all have had times where we have snapped at the kids , grandkids and especially husbands and they to us, i agree with Leonie, some of their anger is fear and helplessness men are always the one to protect and be the strong one's that fix every thing but cancer changes all this. it turns all we have and are upside down and it is never the same again. they get frustrated by all this and at times take it out on us . don't be hard on him or yourself it is a major major adjustment. it's not just the cancer it's who and what we were. our sexuality is changed and our sex lives everything and they have to adjust to all this too and it can be hard for them to understand why at times we dont want to be touched.

all the medications change our moods and hormones etc and at times i know i am the bitch from hell  but he can be the bastard from hell at times too. 

make you time just you and him , 

i know i dont cop any crap now and if i don't want to say or do something i dont . cancer changes us all , but be patient and tell each other you love each other never go out or to bed angry , and remember how lucky you really are, hard at times i know but i always feel there are others worse off, 

remember all the good , take care love Fran

Hey Daniel, you are normal, i think we all have had times where we have snapped at the kids , grandkids and especially husbands and they to us, i agree with Leonie, some of their anger is fear and helplessness men are always the one to protect and be the strong one's that fix every thing but cancer changes all this. it turns all we have and are upside down and it is never the same again. they get frustrated by all this and at times take it out on us . don't be hard on him or yourself it is a major major adjustment. it's not just the cancer it's who and what we were. our sexuality is changed and our sex lives everything and they have to adjust to all this too and it can be hard for them to understand why at times we dont want to be touched.

all the medications change our moods and hormones etc and at times i know i am the bitch from hell  but he can be the bastard from hell at times too. 

make you time just you and him , 

i know i dont cop any crap now and if i don't want to say or do something i dont . cancer changes us all , but be patient and tell each other you love each other never go out or to bed angry , and remember how lucky you really are, hard at times i know but i always feel there are others worse off, 

remember all the good , take care love Fran

Danielle, From my perspective I have seen other husbands act like this too - mine included.  You know what it is?  They are terrified of losing us and this is how it comes out.  Their anger is really directed at the bc but unfortunately it comes at us.  Every so often - and it is getting less and less - I have to sit down with my husband and have a "chat to chat".  It is amazing what comes out. Life is not the same after bc - it is such a big adjustment.  Just when my husband and I were starting to "relax" the bloody bc came back again. It is a bit like an annoying relative - always lurking and a PITA.  When my husband lets his guard down and "really" talks to me - he says that he is so scared.  Me too but I am not letting bc destroy my quality of life any more than what is out of my control.  Be kind to yourself and show your husband that you are okay. XLeonie 

Hi Danielle,

U r OK, normal...sometimes i lose it with the kids..they can just be niggling at each other and i get sick of listening to their voices-then i feel guilty about 'letting off my steam' over it....but i have found that i cannot tolerate anywhere near as much 'rubbish' than i used to.  Even other people who say/do stupid things i find really hard to tolerate & I have to bite my tongue a lot more now ...LOL

I think our perception of what is important is much more focussed on things that really matter and not get caught up in the crap of things that don't matter.

Don't worry too much, ur normal, or at least what 'our' new normal is

Sam  xxxxx