Andrea66

thank you for caring and your encouragement. One of my sons keeps reminding me to take one day at a time. Some days I seem to be able to do that and others I find myself drifting from the plan! I'm hoping there aren't going to be too many hurdles at least not for a while! But I fully intend to hang in there no matter what. 

Thank you for sharing your journey it's good to know there's light at the end of the tunnel and I think once I have started treatment I might get to see it!

Thank you so much for your support. I'm trying to fill my days doing nice things with my family before treatment starts in a few weeks. I'm so happy you are coming out the other side of this insidious disease and I know I will too eventually! 

Hi Andrea - Goodness it is a roller coaster that you've found yourself on! Don't every say sorry for going on and on as you just did in your closing thoughts.  I along with everyone else on this forum, along with the great BCNA staff, understand totally the need to vent or talk and talk and talk; helps you get through and form some sort of understanding of where you are now at.

We are hear to read your posts and offer sage advice where we can or give you some tips.  On the day of my diagnosis I was put with a Counsellor prior to diagnosis, so I figured there is something going on here - anyhow, her advice to me was when you start to feel anxious pat yourself down, pat your legs and your arms and say yes I am still here and it will bring you back into the now instead of the racing thoughts of who the, what the, what if.............you too are strong, an inner strength comes that you didn't know you had!

Take care and sending you a virtual hug from Christine xx

Hi Kath - just read your post and picked up on your vulnerability - just want to send you a virtual hug.  Take care from Christine xx

For all of us this is a frightening  journey full of unknowns any many fears. How lucky that you did move and have family close by. I know the feeling of having your new life robbed though. After years of the Supermum workholic...and a breakdown to boot...I restarted my life with a less pressured job and started having much more hubby time and general family time...more presence etc. Aah ...3 months on a cancer diagnosis...5 weeks after a clear mammogram and found 9 days before Xmas. I chose straight up on a mastectomy as I live 500km from a breast surgeon and also readons being that they couldn't find it with a mammogram before how would I be sure recurrance could be detected. Also my cancer is es+pg-Her2+ grade 3. Node neg. It was less the 2 cms. As I have a sucky family history I also  was fearful of a second primary undetectable so a bilateral was done. 

I feel emotionally rung out and very vulnerable. I have days I cry a lot...the fear of metastases remain. I am almost through my chemo and have been emotionally and physically exhausted but I have been lucky. No hospital admission. No secondary infections. Just tiredness, lifting toenail and a bit of mild balance issues and reflux. I can only imagine how a non clear margin and an infection would impact on me, as well as a clot.

You are doing incredibly well. Once this infection is sorted and drain gone you can heal from that. Chemo is your friend and even though we are all scared to death of it...you feel at least you are doing something to ensure tbe cancer is gone for good.

Just so you know my niece had a tiny cancer but 10 nodes pos out of 20 taken. She was her2 positive grade 2. 14 years on she is still cancer free. I think of her when I have chemo blues.

No guilt about your family support. Embrace it. It will draw you all closer. Feel free to talk about your fears and tears here as we all feel terribly alone in this journey regardless of that support. It's  great to talk with others who get it.

Take care 

Kath x

Hi Andrea,

it is so confronting when you are told one thing and another thing happens. You get your head around what to expect and then that is blown completely out of the water. It's amazing though, once you are over the surgeries and you know exactly what you are dealing with, you just seem to put your head down and do what you have to. Just do one day at a time and one appointment at a time.  Cancer does knock your confidence. I think it is the confidence in your own body. It has let you down.  It's ok to be a quivering jelly. It's ok to be scared. They are all normal reactions to what you at going through. The fact is you will get through this!  You have no choice.  I used to get angry when people would say I was an inspiration or brave as I was just doing what I had to to survive. It's not easy going but you will get there. My mantra was short term pain for long term gain.  Be prepared that you still may have some unexpected hurdles as you go along. You are doing what you need to to get well. Hang in there. Take care. Karen xox

Sounds a bit like my journey which started with a move to a new town too. Second surgery for the axillary clearance as well. My chemo was only 3 months and they said I didn't need the radiation, just hormone therapy for years. Counting myself lucky as that chemo is ruff stuff. You do get by though and it gives a good feeling that any stray cancer cells missed are copping hell. We're here for you.

OH Andrea,

You have had a rough ride so far on a journey none of us chose, 

It is great that you have support around. YOU are strong you have already gone thru so much of the journey. None of us are normal  we all have quirks with this stupid Breast Cancer that go left or right when we hope it will be plain sailing. I want you to know you can come and rant rave cry on here we will understand and listen.... even laugh with you and allow you to know we understand your pain and emotional rollercoaster of having to walk this bloody journey of BC. 

I want to give you some hope  2012 diagnosed with BC  had spread to nodes, double mastectomy followed by 9mths of chemo due to allergic reactions to it .... 6 weeks of radiation and I am here reasonably healthy nearly 4 years later .... Yes we all get the dreaded side effects some of which like to hang around. But know there is life after BC we do stop the treatments and we can regain our health. 

no need to apologise for going on ..... we all need to be able to let the pressure of this journey out somewhere safe this forum is a safe place to do that with lots of support around and people who understand.

HUGS and energy

Alice aka Soldier Crab