Andrea66

For all of us this is a frightening  journey full of unknowns any many fears. How lucky that you did move and have family close by. I know the feeling of having your new life robbed though. After years of the Supermum workholic...and a breakdown to boot...I restarted my life with a less pressured job and started having much more hubby time and general family time...more presence etc. Aah ...3 months on a cancer diagnosis...5 weeks after a clear mammogram and found 9 days before Xmas. I chose straight up on a mastectomy as I live 500km from a breast surgeon and also readons being that they couldn't find it with a mammogram before how would I be sure recurrance could be detected. Also my cancer is es+pg-Her2+ grade 3. Node neg. It was less the 2 cms. As I have a sucky family history I also  was fearful of a second primary undetectable so a bilateral was done. 

I feel emotionally rung out and very vulnerable. I have days I cry a lot...the fear of metastases remain. I am almost through my chemo and have been emotionally and physically exhausted but I have been lucky. No hospital admission. No secondary infections. Just tiredness, lifting toenail and a bit of mild balance issues and reflux. I can only imagine how a non clear margin and an infection would impact on me, as well as a clot.

You are doing incredibly well. Once this infection is sorted and drain gone you can heal from that. Chemo is your friend and even though we are all scared to death of it...you feel at least you are doing something to ensure tbe cancer is gone for good.

Just so you know my niece had a tiny cancer but 10 nodes pos out of 20 taken. She was her2 positive grade 2. 14 years on she is still cancer free. I think of her when I have chemo blues.

No guilt about your family support. Embrace it. It will draw you all closer. Feel free to talk about your fears and tears here as we all feel terribly alone in this journey regardless of that support. It's  great to talk with others who get it.

Take care 

Kath x