Forum Discussion
Adjusting to bad news, staying hopeful, changing habits
Hi,
I am a 44 year old mother of two girls, 3 and 7. Was diagnosed with breast cancer on Tuesday evening after a mammogram and ultrasound in the morning. On Wednesday I saw a specialist who sent me for biopsies and scans. On Thursday afternoon I learnt that I have HER2 positive BC in my right breast (3x3cm with two smaller tumours nearby), and one lymph node biopsied because it was enlarged was also cancerous. A lump on the left was benign. It does not appear to have spread to bones, pelvis, liver etc however there were two 5mm nodules in my lung that might be BC. I am hoping they are something else but have to be prepared in case the cancer already is stage 4. I remember the doctor said it was grade 2-3 but not sure if that is the same thing as stage 2-3.
I have somehow lost the reports, so I can't look over the details until they are mailed but I have an appointment on Wednesday with a different specialist to plan treatment. I am glad that things are moving quickly but am still reeling from the news and wish the appointment was sooner. I think I will be having preadjuvant chemo and/or targeted treatment, followed by a mastectomy of the right breast in several months (with optional rebuild), however I have not met with the oncologist so am not sure what to expect.
I should have gotten to a GP weeks ago as I had noticed hardness over many months (which I had thought was related to it being dominant for milk production) and had a sore breast in early July, however because I was breastfeeding and fairly ignorant of BC I mistook the symptoms including a swollen lymph node for mastitis. Only when all pain went way and I noticed the boob seemed bigger and misshapen with a prominent lump did I get myself to a doctor. Waited a week and a half for the scan that showed it was as suspected a malignant carcinoma. Strange thing is it only started hurting again after I learned what it was.
I don't know much yet but am trying to learn a bit without scaring myself too much or googling into the night. My youngest daughter has weaned herself, and on the night of the diagnosis she accepted bedtime without breast, understanding that I have sick boobies and the doctor said we should stop. In the middle of the night she was desperate to breastfeed, and I allowed this briefly. That is the last time I fed her, and she has been proud of herself for giving it up but has wanted to kiss it and hug it today.
Next move is for me to give up smoking, a bad habit of mine for many years off and on, which is not easy when it has been a response to stress and I have been quite stressed at times. It must be done, as I understand that it increases the risk of metastasis (if it has not already happened) and I wouldn't want to invite another cancer along right now. But I am trying to be gentle with myself when I occasionally light them only to put them out shortly thereafter. I hope to eliminate this habit fully by Wednesday. I have to clean up my diet and prepare for the treatment. I was a lifelong vegetarian until my early thirties however I have eaten a tiny bit of fish in the past ten years. I eat lots of fruit and veg. However I do have too many sugary things and processed stuff so I need to cut the crap out of the shopping list.
Emotionally I have been struggling a bit and I should arrange some counselling to work through my feelings. My mother and friends have been amazing, my husband has been a good support but doesn't like to see me crying, which I think is just a normal thing from time to time in such a circumstance. I am being open and honest with the kids and have been giving them lots of love and sweetness. Honestly I am sometimes very scared but I am trying to be strong for myself and for everyone around me.
Sending love and understanding to others with BC, and those who have recently been diagnosed, it's pretty tough to take, huh?
I am a 44 year old mother of two girls, 3 and 7. Was diagnosed with breast cancer on Tuesday evening after a mammogram and ultrasound in the morning. On Wednesday I saw a specialist who sent me for biopsies and scans. On Thursday afternoon I learnt that I have HER2 positive BC in my right breast (3x3cm with two smaller tumours nearby), and one lymph node biopsied because it was enlarged was also cancerous. A lump on the left was benign. It does not appear to have spread to bones, pelvis, liver etc however there were two 5mm nodules in my lung that might be BC. I am hoping they are something else but have to be prepared in case the cancer already is stage 4. I remember the doctor said it was grade 2-3 but not sure if that is the same thing as stage 2-3.
I have somehow lost the reports, so I can't look over the details until they are mailed but I have an appointment on Wednesday with a different specialist to plan treatment. I am glad that things are moving quickly but am still reeling from the news and wish the appointment was sooner. I think I will be having preadjuvant chemo and/or targeted treatment, followed by a mastectomy of the right breast in several months (with optional rebuild), however I have not met with the oncologist so am not sure what to expect.
I should have gotten to a GP weeks ago as I had noticed hardness over many months (which I had thought was related to it being dominant for milk production) and had a sore breast in early July, however because I was breastfeeding and fairly ignorant of BC I mistook the symptoms including a swollen lymph node for mastitis. Only when all pain went way and I noticed the boob seemed bigger and misshapen with a prominent lump did I get myself to a doctor. Waited a week and a half for the scan that showed it was as suspected a malignant carcinoma. Strange thing is it only started hurting again after I learned what it was.
I don't know much yet but am trying to learn a bit without scaring myself too much or googling into the night. My youngest daughter has weaned herself, and on the night of the diagnosis she accepted bedtime without breast, understanding that I have sick boobies and the doctor said we should stop. In the middle of the night she was desperate to breastfeed, and I allowed this briefly. That is the last time I fed her, and she has been proud of herself for giving it up but has wanted to kiss it and hug it today.
Next move is for me to give up smoking, a bad habit of mine for many years off and on, which is not easy when it has been a response to stress and I have been quite stressed at times. It must be done, as I understand that it increases the risk of metastasis (if it has not already happened) and I wouldn't want to invite another cancer along right now. But I am trying to be gentle with myself when I occasionally light them only to put them out shortly thereafter. I hope to eliminate this habit fully by Wednesday. I have to clean up my diet and prepare for the treatment. I was a lifelong vegetarian until my early thirties however I have eaten a tiny bit of fish in the past ten years. I eat lots of fruit and veg. However I do have too many sugary things and processed stuff so I need to cut the crap out of the shopping list.
Emotionally I have been struggling a bit and I should arrange some counselling to work through my feelings. My mother and friends have been amazing, my husband has been a good support but doesn't like to see me crying, which I think is just a normal thing from time to time in such a circumstance. I am being open and honest with the kids and have been giving them lots of love and sweetness. Honestly I am sometimes very scared but I am trying to be strong for myself and for everyone around me.
Sending love and understanding to others with BC, and those who have recently been diagnosed, it's pretty tough to take, huh?
67 Replies
- oh dear - you've had some tricky moments. Yep, we all want to scream & shout & jump up & down (I didn't do the broom trick tho! ;) ) And mothers (and sisters) can be a real pain sometimes!!! My sister was telling everyone I was 'OK' because I didn't 'look sick'!! Funnily enough - I don't think any of us 'looked sick' until well after the surgery as it was a result of our ongoing treatments!!
The Males in your life can be tricky - they don't always know how to empathise - so they pretend nothing is wrong & just ignore what is going on..... This can really hurt, as all we want is a shoulder to cry on & be hugged & told everything will be OK. :(
Definitely try & get a counsellor as soon as you can .... it can be tricky finding that 'right space' in your head where you are just 'ok' - having said that - once you've had your surgery & get the pathology report and your team has a definite plan - you WILL actually feel a lot better. It is the fear of the unknown that is currently making it worse for you. Once you know the outcome of the surgery, somehow that fear dissipates!
In the leadup to my diagnosis and surgery - I just got out kayak fishing & with my uke group as OFTEN as I could (which took care of most days!) to keep my sanity & not become a blubbering mess. Kayaking & Uke are the 2 things where I can concentrate 100% on what I am doing, without the BC word sneaking into my head!
All the best for your appointments ... xx - My dental appointment is booked for Tuesday and I’m working on a growing list of the things I will need to hopefully make it through all the hideousness of chemo. Thanks for all the tips. I do appreciate them.
People have commended me on how well I have been doing but they didn’t see the bit where I smashed the broom on my kitchen table (didn’t hurt the vase of beautiful flowers but there’s a good dent on the table and the broom was destroyed). Rage took over in that moment. I was so angry at the cancer and with everyone and myself. I didn’t want to leave my children and hated that I had no control. My 3 year old witnessed that and comforted me after. She’s amazing.
There was also the time I dived Indiana Jones style under the roller door so I could get away from my husband who was being unpleasant and just cry in my car.
I also had a particularly pathetic fight with my mum (before the broom incident) where I looked like a totally ungrateful idiot for a few minutes there and was telling her to leave and that I don’t want her help. Somehow my mother manages to draw the stress and bad behaviour out of me. Moments before I had thought I was doing pretty well.
Still need to get to a counsellor one of these days but it will happen soon. I’m glad I grew up with yoga and mediation as even when I get a bit stressed (or very) I can usually make a quick recovery. I need to work on my mental habits a bit to not get stressed about dumb things in the first place. And to not be as affected when other people around me are stressed. - Great news Kabash. I also walked every dayDuring chemo except at THe end when I was so fatigued and just rested.A Fitbit saved my life.. testing a new one while walking, felt rib pain, came home andFound the lump. I also found I couldn't eat.Was advised to avoid fats, eat watery salads and veges and increase fat reducedProtein.. I fell in love with chickens and credit them for saving my life with their beautiful free range eggs! Drink water a plentyWe were encouraged to take 2 litres to drink when chemo was being infused as well as a simple sandwich. I chose dates.Congrats on all your preparation..it really does help.Also, check with the breast cancer nurseAt what point you'll be most immunosupressed..so anyone with colds etc won't breathe over you! The drugsPeak and then wane . The waning is whenYou have your next dose. I found it helpful especially recognising fatigue etc as the peak times of the drug. Also, I was more actively engaged with friends during the waning period. Don't fightt how you feelIt all comes to pass.. just be gentle, rest, walk eat eggs! I got my hair shaved before I started chemo but still a bit of a shockWhen I was pulling little chunks out while I was showering! Quite amazing really. I could pull it out without pain!I didn't experience a Cold hat.You're getting Ready for an amazing journey. Keep a journal if you can .And plan celebrations at the end of each phase.. love and hugs..
- I walked just about everyday of chemo. It helps with fatigue. I worked my way up from 1.5km on the day of the infusion to a 5km on the day before the next.
My husband also works interstate, three to five days a week. I asked him to to work in Melbourne for the week of the first infusion. We all react differently and I wanted to know how I would be before he went back to the interstate travel. However as @Sister says in her amazing post above, he may just have to stay home a bit more while you are in treatment.
My friends were amazing. They took me to and from chemo, and organised an amazing quantity of food (seven people in my house), and quietly bustled about washing up, helping with homework, chatting to the kids, and pouring my father-in-law a glass of wine! Cancer treatment means accepting help. It's one of the first lessons you learn. There are apps you can use to coordinate the help. Handy. Helps stop the eight zucchini bakes in the freezer situation! K xox - It's good to have a plan! You won't know for sure how you will tolerate chemo until you do it - some people sail through and keep doing everything the way they've always done; most of us manage to do some things. I was on AC-T and I found that the day of the chemo on AC, I was exhausted. Then the next few days were write-offs (the meds I took for nausea made me sleep). Then I would slowly come back. Keep a notepad somewhere handy and jot down how you're feeling as it will give you a better indication for each treatment. If the meds you're sent home with don't cut it, make sure you know who to call for better stuff - don't suffer in silence. My first weekend was a nightmare with nausea & reflux because I didn't know what to do. Once I had new medication, I was fine. Make sure, at least for the first one, that you have someone to take you and bring you home and given you have young kids, you should have someone home for the first few days until you know how you're going to fare. If family or friends offer to help, have some practical things that they can do - school runs, sports activities, whatever... (don't forget to let the school know if someone else is likely to pick up your kids during this time). But yes, I think your husband does need to factor in more time at home. Dose dense is supposed to be good if you can manage it and I think they often suggest it now for younger women. Do be aware that the effects of chemo are cumulative so you will probably get tireder towards the end and no-one knows what tiredness means until you experience the chemo version.
Re: cold caps. Absolutely give it a go. It does add a lot of time on to the treatment but if it works, great. For me, it didn't work well enough so I stopped doing it - it was less upsetting to buzz it all off than to see a wide strip of baldness that I couldn't comb over. I was mainly doing it to keep things more normal for the kids but they were all for me quitting when it wasn't working. If it had worked better though, I would have kept it up. Make sure that the cap is pressed down firmly on all parts of your head - it has to be in contact to work. I'm sure others who were more successful will jump on.
Use the next few days if you can, in getting things ready. You may want to get a dental checkup if you haven't had one recently. Set up online shopping (makes things much easier) and get a Netflix account if you haven't got one (it's amazing how many of us have bingewatched TV during chemo). Get in some essentials to make life easier - you may not know what you will need but who needs a late night chemist run. This is what others on this site suggested to me:
Coloxyl with Senna
Movicol
Gastrostop
Biotene mouthwash
Very soft toothbrush (toddler type)
Baby shampoo & wide toothed comb (if cold-capping)
Toilet wipes (your bottom may thank you)
Disinfectant wipes (when you're out and about & things look a bit grotty)
Hand sanitiser (same reason)
The list doesn't look long enough so I may have forgotten something. The only thing that I didn't use was the Movicol.
You may also want to check with your oncology clinic if they recommend an exercise class. It's now recognised that for a number of reasons (chemo more effective, heart health, recovery) that exercise during chemo is really beneficial and many clinics have places they refer to so that you're doing it under supervision. YWCA run an aqua based program called Encore if you can access it. Otherwise, just walking will be better than nothing.
Take care. - What a difference a day has made to me. Meeting my oncologist and having some sort of a plan is a great relief. I will be starting chemo next Wednesday so I am going to try to have a very restful week and build up my strength for it. I still have to meet with a breast surgeon hopefully before then so they can confirm neoadjuvant chemo will be a suitable approach and I have to get a heart MRI and a port put in. The doctor seemed to think both routes are comparable in terms of effectiveness. I wanted to make clear that I am not attached to my bosom in any way if survival is better the other way. It will be a full right mastectomy in the end no matter what anyway.
I was hopeless with the recording of notes etc but luckily my mum came in midway through the appointment and took excellent notes and then wrote them up after. I got some kind of an injection in my tummy that shuts my ovaries down because there are a few cells with estrogen receptors so this might help in the fight. It gave me a sense that something has started.
I wanted to start sooner with chemo if possible but it is probably good to have a bit of time to prepare. I am going to try having the first couple of rounds of chemo on a shorter 2 week cycle if I can take it. Wear some kind of a freezing cold hat that might make my hair come back quicker. Just been reading about some of the hideous side effects of chemo and hoping I will manage OK as I am mostly on my own with the kids. My husband is away for most of the week he is in the house a couple of times a week as he is trying to build a business on a farm and stays there a fair bit but he will probably need to come home a bit more to help me out. I’m just wondering if I will still manage school drop offs and swimming lessons and all the usual stuff like shopping and cleaning and cooking without lots of help. My mum is going to be a main support and my husband will hopefully come to the party and hopefully a few friends will get involved but I still have no idea what to expect or how it will work or whether I’m crazy to have signed up for short cycles and freezer hats.
I got got myself a Fitbit today so that I can keep track of my sleep
cycles and try to get more exercise even during chemotherapy but I have no idea what I will be able to manage and if that’s a crazy idea.
Thanks again to all the people who have written back to my messages for showing care to me. It really has been the best thing I could have found online to help me through this crisis. - Hi @kabash, just reading through again. How did your appointment go today?
Thinking of you - Big hugs xx
- Hi Kabash.. I’m an old girl still on hormone therapy.
Deep breathes and walk gently.. it is the ride of a lifetime..
Just be yourself.. laugh, cry, rage.. ask every question that comes to mind.. Keep the friends who pick you up when you fall down..
my best partner did just that.. more like a personal trainer.. who got
me to the end of chemo when I wanted to stop. Be spoilt and spoil
those who you love and are loved by. indulge the moment.
hugs to you.. it won’t squash the bosoms.. Welcome to this place
of lived experience , collective knowledge and many arms that reach out and hold in a unison of felt care. After a rough trot, I’ve found
my virtual sisters life saving, - I think the doctor I saw did explain it but it was all a bit of a haze and she went on to talk about my bone and body scans results (which came under the door during our meeting as the scans had just been done). When I realised I had not been given the documentation from all
scans and tests I rang her office and asked if they could mail it. Only the pathology report came in the mail and yes I definitely misinterpreted it I’m so glad my first treatment meeting is tomorrow so that I can learn what the plan for me will be. And get my paperwork organised. Still having occasional panic moments but I had some good distraction at my daughters school musical tonight which was excellent. Better get some sleep now so I can get my kids to school/kinder and get to hospital by 1030 tomorrow. Have my mum with me to come and will take the notes or record as advised. Thanks so much again all you great people!
