a journey opening new doors
i was first diagnosed with breast cancer of my left breast in 2005. I had a lumpectomy, auxillary clearance and radiation as i refused chemo and tamoxifin due to side affects. I recovered and was clear for 5 years. In jan 2011 i was diagnosed with breast cancer again in the left breast which was a stage 3 and 49ml 10 times bigger than onocoligist expected so hav just had a full masectomy with a latissimus dorsi reconstruction, chemotherapy and wil probably hav to take tamoxifin due to my cancer being estrogen fed. This does put a halt in your life and your emotions are like a roller coaster. I feel that you hav to keep it together and be very brave as it has been a challenging year when you hav to face reality and not wanting or understanding why this is all happening especially with a fitness background and not smoking or drinking alcohol however cancer doesnt discriminate. I find it difficult as you dont know what the future holds and the fact that you cant work makes it financially harder and then you cant even enjoy or look forward to a holiday. I think its the independance that you lose and the constant association with the hospital which makes it diffiucult. I somtimes wish i could get a one way ticket to the bahamas and not hav to face anymore pain, drugs, test, surgery just be totally free from everything. One good thing that has come out of my cancer is i did get to go to the bahamas after my first diagnosis and hav been there 3 times at an ashram on paradise island this has helped me even today get through as my thougths and memories were healing.
