Well meaning..but not helpful (for me)

@ValerieLouise

https://www.bcna.org.au/media/2128/bcn_helping_a_friend_brochure_web.pdf

https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/talking-to-family-and-friends/

the links above are from the BCNA website - perhaps having that brochure around for your friend(s) to read may in turn help them to understand

There's lot of other info on the website as well as that you may find helpful 

Take care

Below are a couple of links to help you find your way around the forum and also how to find a breast care nurse and how to order a MY journey Kit if you haven't got one yet. 

It can be a a whirlwind when we first get a diagnosed.... Breathe and take it one step at a time. 

The what and how thread.

http://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/14879/the-what-and-how-thread/p1 

Breast Care Nurses

https://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/OurMission/OurNurses/FindANurse.aspx 

My Journey Kits and other resources. 

https://www.bcna.org.au/resources/

BCNA Helpline 1800 500 258

If you have any questions, concerns or require any further information or support please call 1800 500 258.  The Helpline is open Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9 am till 5 pm EST and Tuesday and Thursday from 9 am till 9 pm EST.

 

 

How to understand your pathology reports

https://www.cancer.org/treatment/understanding-your-diagnosis/tests/understanding-your-pathology-report/breast-pathology/breast-cancer-pathology.html

 

hahahaha  LOVE IT @Zoffiel  .... are you sure we aren't twins??   I thought I may have sounded a little harsh in my initial comments (and the 15 mins to edit it had passed .....)  but I LOVE your interpretation!  STRAIGHT UP!!  :)  

Whilst I 'thought' my buddies were dickheads - I didn't actually TELL them that!  I just thanked them & ignored them!  LOL

The phrases I used when several well meaning friends had these conversations with me were along the lines of "How interesting" and "I'll have a think about about it" or "I'll take that under advisement". And then make a mental note not to discuss my treatment in any great detail with them.

Much of what people say is about themselves, and sometimes just giving them a hearing is emough.

If after that they continue to argue, you may have to take a harder line and say something like "Thank you, but I've considered all the options, discussed them with my doctors and I'm comfortable with the treatment we've chosen. I do hope you can support me in this".

And if she doesn't, then she is not a true friend. Friends see past differences and give only love and support at times like these. K xox

Go with your instincts.  Nothing you did caused it.  If it was all lifestyle then why are there people from so many different ages, genders, backgrounds getting it.  There is nothing wrong with holistic therapies as complimentary to everything else.  I guarantee it you if it was this person who was diagnosed they may have a complete back flip in attitude.    Jeez if we could fix it all with Kale, turmeric and Kumbaya we'd all be home and hosed.  

Idiots come in many forms, unfortunately breast cancer can bring out the hidden fool in many of those close to us. Total strangers can morph into complete morons without warning. It comes with the territory, sadly.

It's understandable that you don't want to burn any bridges, most frustrating when you'd rather tell them to take their kale and shove it where the sun don't shine (a Stirling preventative for bowel cancer, no doubt)

@ValerieLouise lovely to have you here, so welcome!

It is very very hard especially with a friend who is well intended, I love natural therapies and in fact am a Reiki Master myself. BUT...let me say something in my line of work there are no pills or potions or magic cures, mine is purely about self clarity and healing energy. Other natural therapies are great but I always tell people they are to be used in CONJUNCTION with medicine. For me its about helping symptoms and side effects. I too have led a good life full of exercise and a good diet and I've had it twice!!! it has NOTHING to do with it, it doesn't help when Society keep harping on exercise and diet WILL REDUCE YOUR CHANCE OF RECURRENCE. It doesn't just like it didnt cause it in the first place. Maybe they should clarify and say " you should exercise post diagnosis because oestrogen is stored in your excess body fat, so by exercising and keeping at a healthy weight range you reduce those in the fat cells, therefore may reduce your chance of recurrence" Even saying that pfffft I was a healthy weight etc., at recurrence so there goes that theory too. HAHA!!! 

I would very kindly just say to your friend..."I appreciate your friendship and I value your ideas and opinion but I really need to do this my way." If she is offended it has nothing to do with you...this has to be on your terms..all of it. I lost alot of friends through this and family and I believe we never lose who we shouldnt, if they're meant to stay and support they will. You will find in the people you least expect however the biggest support of all and kindness. :) 

All the best, xxxx

When I was diagnosed with B/C a “friend” told me in her opinion Radation was a waste of time because her father who had radation died from stage 4 lung cancer 
Her advice was to use PDT which is a combination of a drug and a laser light to kill cancer cells the “treatment” costs $10,000.00
not funded by Medicare or health funds.
I chose Radaition, when you search the internet there are several sites allegedly offering false hope and cures. The operators are playing with vulnerable people.
Sham on them.

I'm sure you're friend thinks she's being helpful - you may need to gently set her straight and if that doesn't work, not so gently.  There's a great ad from the NZ site that may make you see the funny side 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKovm8HINjI ;

Saying that, you'll be able to vent and rage, and laugh a bit, here as well as get support and information.

Oh dear ...... @ValerieLouise .....I am SO sorry to see you 'join the club' - but you'll make some great friends here & get REAL advice from those who have been thru it right HERE!!  I bet your buddy hasn't had anything to do with BC - or else she wouldn't be making these stupid suggestions!  Ask her if SHE is taking it all .... then wait & see how her health develops! ;)   Getting this BC is just pure bad luck, I reckon - I am the first on MY family to be diagnosed with it (my family usually cark it from heart attacks!)

I added my two bits to the 'Did you REALLY say that' thread below ..... you'll be able to read a lot of other crap there as well - some will make you laugh - some will make you angrier than your 'well meaning buddy'!!
http://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/17916/is-that-right-did-you-really-say-that/p11

If there are any questions you've thought of - toss them around here & some very knowledeable ladies (and gents) will put their two bits in!  ;)

All the best on the next phase of your treatment & decision making - if there is anything we can help you with, just ask ...... chuck all that other crap out the window.  It will make absolutely no difference whatsoever in your treatment over the next 'x' months ..... but if you FEEL like trying alternate stuff .... feel free to give it a go - just put it past your Onc or Doc first!   

Take care xx