Updated/removed post

@Keeping_positive1- thank you for your response, that's very kind of you, 

@Maree72 you can absolutely express your displeasure in the insensitive comment made by your friend.  My guess is the member who sent you a private message was just giving you the heads up in case it opened a can of worms for you with a friend that may possibly see the post. 

People don't even have to sign up to see forum posts, and a while back we had some members who put up photos of themselves after surgery, not knowing it can be seen by all, whether a member or not on the forum.

Your main concern is how to respond to people who make such comments, and I am still trying to figure that out myself, as sometimes even now nearly 6 years on I still sometimes get taken aback by some people who should actually know better.  The latest one was a good friend who finally said to me last year that they have a cure for cancer and are keeping it from people, and sorry to inform me!  Further saying I am naive to believe otherwise.  

I once had an acquaintance/friend embarrass me at a birthday get together in a hobby group I was attending not long after my diagnosis.  She said in front of everyone that I shouldn't have any cake as the sugar will feed the cancer.  If I had thought quick enough, I would have said, don't worry about me I already have cancer, it is you that shouldn't eat the cake if you don't want to get cancer!  

Seriously though, some people just say really crappy stuff to people with cancer at times.  Maybe just say something like, I FIND THAT TO BE A CRAPPY COMMENT!

It can be very disappointing to hear upsetting comments like you have experienced.  I hope you can put those people who make insensitive comments back in their place, or just walk away, and/or ignore.  Wishing you all the best with your treatment.  xx

Hi there @Maree72...I'm sorry you've had to join our club, but welcome. Many of us have had the experience of friends, family, business associates and so on responding to us in ways we don't like or appreciate. From the one extreme of where they don't know what to say or do, so they 'ghost' us, avoid us and say nothing. The other extreme is when they open their mouth, and whatever is in there, just falls out....mouth first, then brain after. You'll also probably get all sorts of 'advice' and or feedback, such as "Oh you poor thing...my aunt/cousin/sister....whoever got breast cancer too and she was dead in six months". Or, "My gran had breast cancer and she lived for fifty years after her boob was chopped off..." Great huh? Then you'll get all the advice such as that the oncologists are all in cahoots with Big Pharma, so go the 'narural' route. From coffee enemas to alkaline water, cutting out all sugar ('cause cancer grows on sugar), kale smoothies, organic this that and the next thing...no underarm deodorant, don't stand near your microwave oven, beware of the 'beams' put out from your mobile phone...it just goes on and on. The thing is...you don't get it until you get it. As mentioned above, breast cancer is not just one disease with a one size fits all approach to treatment. Your cancer may differ from mine, and mine from the next person. My advise is for you to trust in your medical team, and if you don't feel that you're confident with any of them, seek a second (or even third) opinion. This is their bread and butter. This is the first time you've had breast cancer, but for them, it's a beast they know well. I wish you all the best for your treatment...big hug, Ally.

@Maree72

Commiserations! It’s not an easy thing to get your head around and friends being thoughtless doesn’t help but as you’ll hear those words a lot from now on, let’s start - everybody is different.
Cancer, even breast cancer, isn’t one thing it’s many and they are different - different patterns of growth, different prognoses, different treatments.
Reactions to treatments are different - often for no reason that anyone can work out. 
Reactions to having cancer are different - some want to keep their life as ‘normal’ as possible, some want a time of retreat and reflection. 
And friends and family are different too - the friend who had a double mastectomy has dealt with it by perhaps seeing what she considers a positive outcome without pausing to consider you don’t share that opinion. Friends who don’t quite know what to say assume you are busting to talk to a complete stranger about it all! Blurting is common, trying to avoid the entire discussion even more common. 
I don’t know about you but I wasn’t very good about having discussions with friends or colleagues with cancer, when I was in that happy world of not having cancer! But I found that taking their lead was the best way. If the person with cancer wants to treat it with humour, fine. If they are looking for empathy, easy. So you may have to give your friends the starter instructions. What’s on and what’s not. And clearly. Real friends will be grateful for your help, which is the wrong way round I know but it’s often how things work. Best wishes for finding your way, which you will, through this new chapter in your life. Remember, it’s just a chapter. 

Welcome @Maree72 to this very special club of very special ladies.
You are not alone as many members have had to sadly discover their friends are not who they thought they were.  There is another post re this issue so I will try to find it for you.  So many people open their mouths before engaging their brains and some simply try to lighten the situation with comedy but fall short.
Any questions can be put up on here and someone will no doubt have experience to help you.