Updated/removed post
Hello everyone, I'm new here, very new, I was diagnosed with Brest Cancer on the 14th Dec 2022, one day before I turned 50, great birthday gift huh? Thank you for the ladies who responded to me, ...
Forum Discussion
@Maree72
Commiserations! It’s not an easy thing to get your head around and friends being thoughtless doesn’t help but as you’ll hear those words a lot from now on, let’s start - everybody is different.
Cancer, even breast cancer, isn’t one thing it’s many and they are different - different patterns of growth, different prognoses, different treatments.
Reactions to treatments are different - often for no reason that anyone can work out.
Reactions to having cancer are different - some want to keep their life as ‘normal’ as possible, some want a time of retreat and reflection.
And friends and family are different too - the friend who had a double mastectomy has dealt with it by perhaps seeing what she considers a positive outcome without pausing to consider you don’t share that opinion. Friends who don’t quite know what to say assume you are busting to talk to a complete stranger about it all! Blurting is common, trying to avoid the entire discussion even more common.
I don’t know about you but I wasn’t very good about having discussions with friends or colleagues with cancer, when I was in that happy world of not having cancer! But I found that taking their lead was the best way. If the person with cancer wants to treat it with humour, fine. If they are looking for empathy, easy. So you may have to give your friends the starter instructions. What’s on and what’s not. And clearly. Real friends will be grateful for your help, which is the wrong way round I know but it’s often how things work. Best wishes for finding your way, which you will, through this new chapter in your life. Remember, it’s just a chapter.
Commiserations! It’s not an easy thing to get your head around and friends being thoughtless doesn’t help but as you’ll hear those words a lot from now on, let’s start - everybody is different.
Cancer, even breast cancer, isn’t one thing it’s many and they are different - different patterns of growth, different prognoses, different treatments.
Reactions to treatments are different - often for no reason that anyone can work out.
Reactions to having cancer are different - some want to keep their life as ‘normal’ as possible, some want a time of retreat and reflection.
And friends and family are different too - the friend who had a double mastectomy has dealt with it by perhaps seeing what she considers a positive outcome without pausing to consider you don’t share that opinion. Friends who don’t quite know what to say assume you are busting to talk to a complete stranger about it all! Blurting is common, trying to avoid the entire discussion even more common.
I don’t know about you but I wasn’t very good about having discussions with friends or colleagues with cancer, when I was in that happy world of not having cancer! But I found that taking their lead was the best way. If the person with cancer wants to treat it with humour, fine. If they are looking for empathy, easy. So you may have to give your friends the starter instructions. What’s on and what’s not. And clearly. Real friends will be grateful for your help, which is the wrong way round I know but it’s often how things work. Best wishes for finding your way, which you will, through this new chapter in your life. Remember, it’s just a chapter.