Unsure about surgery choice

@Simo - How are you going?  I am thinking you've had your surgery & should have your pathology results by now & hope that all your margins were clear & nothing in the nodes.  If there is anything you'd like to chat about - just whack up a question here and we'll do our best to help you.

Whereabouts do you live (Town or City) as we may have members nearby who can point you to specific services available in that area - or may be happy to meet up with you for a coffee & a chat!!

I hope you've made a good recovery & are feeling more settled in your treatment plan

take care - big hugs coming your way xx

@Simo Sorry to hear that you have been through so much tragedy in your life. I imagine this has taken a huge toll on you & then discovering that you now have cancer, has completely shattered you. You're not being negative but are just showing a natural response to how scared you are & how this discovery is something you think is quite insurmountable.
Many of us here, me included, have lost loved ones through this disease so we can relate to your fear. I lost my mum when I was 4 y.o. to ovarian cancer so following my BC surgery & rad treatment, i chose to have my ovaries removed so it would remove the chance of me getting a secondary cancer there. I remember lying on the operating table with tears in my eyes saying to the surgeon that i was doing this for my mum!
 Sometimes, information gives you power & an understanding of how to move forward. You could use your family history as a way to learn about what may be best for you in regard to treatment & future planning. Have you discussed with your medical team about getting a genetic test done. if you have had many in your family succumb to cancer, you may be eligible to have a free test. There are lots to consider if you go ahead, but it could change the direction of your treatment plan depending on the outcome & it would also be information for your children in the future. I had the test & it came back negative so i went ahead with my treatment plan. 
I know you have said you tried counseling but have you tried seeing a clinical psychologist who specializes in cancer patients. I have heard them speak at conferences & they are amazing. You could ask a breast care nurse, someone from your medical team or hospital staff, if they know of anybody suitable.
i will be thinking of you this week & wishing you love & strength as you prepare for your operation. Go for long walks, take in the sunrise/sunset & deep breaths. xx.   

@Brenda5 thank you for sharing your experience.
I know that is all individual but I'm really fighting to cope with this.
Maybe, once that I start my journey, I'll be able to find strength and to focus on one day at the time.

Sorry to hear you had to join our group. My cancer was agressive and had gotten right up to 5cm which on a tiny breast was huge. The doctor recommended a lumpectomy but I felt my breast had really failed me and just wanted the entire thing gone and got a single mastectomy. I also asked that the other breast be taken but the surgeon refused which as it turned out was wise as mentally I would not have been able to cope with both breasts gone.
The final pathology of the breast showed a suspicious area on the other side of the breast as well and one of my lymph nodes was also positive after all scans assured me they were clear so you never can tell. I had a second surgery to remove all the underarm lymph nodes, just to be sure but none of those turned out positive so we were sure it had not spread anywhere else then.
I developed PTSD after the surgery but the worst of it was dampened with medication which I turned out to be allergic to and I ended up just soldiering on by myself but supported by the wonderful ladies on this group and I got through it. 
Nothing is easy about cancer but you will find a strength you never knew you had and you do somehow muddle through it all. Hugz <3

You're not being negative @simo.  Hearing those words that you have breast cancer is bloody terrifying.  The time from diagnosis to surgery was for me one ranging from utter despair to numbness and back again.  I had lost my older sister to this 20 years before (she got it quite young).  I was so worried to not be there for my kids who were 11, 12 & 15 at the time.  Two years on (on Thursday just gone) and I'm NED (no evidence of disease) - that's the best it will ever be but that's enough.

As @arpie has said, minimising treatment is now recommended as there is no difference in the outcome.  However, that does not mean that the treatment is less, only that it will not be more than is required by the presentation of the cancer.  Mine should have been a lumpectomy followed by radiation, but due to the type of cancer it was (lobular), when the surgeon went in, it was impossible to get clear margins and it had spread to the nodes even though it hadn't been detected on the scans.  Back I went 2 weeks later for a mastectomy and axillary dissection, followed by chemotherapy and then radiation.  So, just because the less impactful treatment is recommended, does not mean that you won't get what you need if it should turn out that way.

I don't know how old your kids are but my advice would be to tell them what is going on as is appropriate for their ages and, if they are old enough to understand it, that you will always tell them what you know and not keep secrets.  Secrets can be very scary things to kids and they need to know that, no matter what other thoughtless or well-meaning people say to them, they have the inside knowledge. 

Do you have a partner or friend here that you trust as an advocate?  If you can, take someone with you to appointments.  It's amazing how much information doesn't get through the fog so it's good to have another pair of ears and someone who can ask intelligent questions.  Most doctors expect it and even suggest it.  If you haven't got anyone, ask if you can record your appointment so that you can refer to it.  And if you have questions, write them down before you go in.

If your anxiety is becoming overwhelming, please try to access counselling with someone who understands cancer.  As with everything, there may be someone on the forum who can provide some assistance with local information - add your general location to your profile but never be too specific.  

My only other advice is to try to take one step at a time and one breath at a time.  You will get through this and we are here to support you.

@Anne65 thank you so much for your support and advice, which I will follow for sure (didn't think about preparing meals next week to have them ready when I get back home after surgery, thank you for reminding me).
I'm really trying hard to concentrate on the here and now.
Unfortunately I have grown up in a family devastated by cancer (not BC) and I think that I've been really traumatised by it, never been really able to elaborate the trauma (tried with counseling but had to be medicated with a proper therapy for anxiety and  PTSD).
I have lived in fear of what is happening now for my entire adult life. 
This is why I don't succeed in taking one step at the time trying to stay focused just on the next step. I have seen too much and I fear what expects me in the whole process (if I am lucky enough to see the end of it :( ).

Sorry for being so negative, maybe if i had had a different background it would be easier to cope with this terrible moments.

@Simo Welcome to our wonderful forum & to Australia! So much good advice above but we all like to add our little bit extra!! I had DCIS Dec'17, stage 1 but aggressive & had a lumpectomy with clear margins. i am small breasted & during the surgery, my surgeon took tissue from below my breast to fill in my gap. My cut was low in my left breast & now you would hardly even know I had surgery, she did such a good job. I had rad but no chemo or further medication...very lucky. So, it is possible to have small breasts, a lumpectomy with clear margins & come away with boobs looking virtually the same!! 

Everyone is different & there are so many decisions to make. Be guided by your medical team, not Dr Google but the choice is yours at the end. Read info from BCNA & Cancer Council websites or brochures from the medical waiting rooms. Take someone with you to all appts or record them/take notes as there is a lot to take in. I found a McGrath Breast Care Nurse from their website & emailed her. She is wonderful & I can ask her anything & all the dumb questions or things I forgot to ask or dont understand. She is medically trained so can advise me on what I should do. They can also counsel you & your family if others need support

Cancer is like another language. i still dont know half the stuff written on here as it hasnt pertained to my situation but we learn quick! Try to focus on the here & now & what you DO know & not what MAY happen as it may not eventuate. Things change all the time & stress fuels cancer so dont waste your energy worrying on something you dont need to. Easier said than done but i learnt very quickly. i worried about things that may happen in the future & they never happened. Decisions that I thought i would have to make were made for me by my medical team & I agreed with them all & I havent regretted any of their decisions. Tomorrow I have my 2 year mammo & get the results from my surgeon straight after. I hope to tick off 2 years & I am very lucky that my life now is pretty much as it was pre-cancer.

With your surgery coming up quickly, try to focus & you & getting yourself mentally prepared. Get some meals in the freezer & spend time with your kids. Accept help/meals/shopping/driving kids from anyone as they want to help. As @arpie mentioned above, there are lots of support groups for kids out there & they do amazing work.
I know the next week will be hard but soon your surgery will be over, cancer removed. the care in the hospital is amazing. I had a wonderful breast care nurse who fitted me with a free bra, gave me a goodie basket of gifts including a beautiful pink pillow that I clutched lovingly for weeks after. We are all here for you. Dont be scared & take each step as it comes. Breast cancer care is amazing with so much support so you will not be alone. Wishing you love, prayers & strength. xx 

@arpie thank you so much for providing all these information.
I will surely contact BCNA.
I will also see if the girls from Brisbane can give me any advice/recommendation.
Thank you once again for being so supportive and for making me feel less lonley as I have little friends/family here for my own support. 

My pleasure, @Simo - we all remember the shock & aftermath of getting our own diagnosis, so I am happy to be able to help xx   Others will jump on with tips as well!!

There is a lot of discussion just now about minimising surgery whilst maintaining clear margins - in the old days, pretty well everyone just had mastectomies and chemo then hormone tablets - irrelevant of the staging etc.  Nowadays, they are trying not to 'over service' breast cancer patients - tho you may be recommended chemo and/or radiation, totally dependent on your pathology results.  

Welcome to Australia too!!  You are doing so well so far, in a new country, coping with new systems!  ;)  Maybe, tomorrow, just ring the BCNA helpline & discuss your fears - as they may be able to give you some coping strategies or even point you to a specific area in Brisbane to help you if needed.   Most hospitals have a Social Welfare person who should be able to help point you in the right direction too.

I live in a rural town without a hospital & my surgeon only had me stay in overnight because of this - otherwise, I may well have gone home the same day if I'd lived in Sydney (where I had my surgery.) 

How old are your kids?  There is an Australian Wide group called Canteen who they can met up with (if they are between 12 & 25), specifically aimed at helping kids who's parents have cancer.  Sometimes they arrange outings or sporting opportunities too. 
https://www.canteen.org.au/

There is also a group here for young women that you may like to join - click here & then on the 'join button' top right corner. Sometimes members form their own support group by meeting locally!
  https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/group/10-young-women

Here is one thread on women with young children - why don't you whack a post up on it to reconnect with them .. (if you go to the 'Discussions' page & put 'young children' in the search area - it will bring up other posts.  Or you can search any word that you like!)  I will 'link you' to a couple who are from Brisbane on the post @jane84  @Gigiinbris who may be able to help you with more local support groups etc
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/19028/mums-with-young-children
 
Take care, take deep breaths, take one day at a time ..... and remember your kids will be following your lead - if you are worried, they will be worried I reckon!  As you have already done, keep your conversations with them, simple and calming - I hope you have supportive family & friends around you as well, for your own support   xx

@arpie thank you so much for sharing your experience and for giving precious advices.
I'm in Brisbane and i've been looking for support groups or integrated therapies structures and found out that there's only one place I can go to, 15 minutes away from my place. 
I am not sure if the hospital i'm having surgery in has a service of individual counselling as I went through the medicare site and got lost in all the informations and links provided there.

On top, I moved to Australia 2 years ago from Italy and "the system" is not the one I was grown up in and maybe this increases dramatically my anxiety (which I admit even in not stressful situations has always been pretty much unmanageable and I 've had to get it controlled by medicine in the past).

Thank you for explaining in such a gentle, kind, sensitive way all the details surgery/recovery  related.
I have to manage my fears as they are severely affecting my daily life. I'm loosing sleep and a bit of weight and I' concerned that the kids, to whom I've told that that the procedure is because there's something in mummy's breast that has to be removed, will absorb my anxiety and I absolutely do not want them to stress at all.

I will surely ask my GP for a low dose sleeping tablets if I realise that I'm going too far with sleep deprivation.
Thank you for the time you dedicated to my concerns. Much appreciated.

Take care xx