Hi I am 46 and diagnosed 2 weeks ago with invasive ductal carsonoma and DCIS on a routine mammogram. Met my surgeon on Friday and having surgery this Wednesday. He offered me a mastectomy but said I can expect just as good a result with wide local incision and radiation. I am normally the tuff cookie and I support others. Everyone comes to me with their problems or worries and I am very positive and proactive. BUT man am I struggling. I have not cried in front of my family. ( I sneak up at night and cry for hours) I hate people fussing over me and would sell a kidney before I would ask for help. Many advice for this control freak on letting people in?Thanks heaps

@Melc503 excellent delegation going on there--it's not the same as giving up control :)Fingers crossed for Friday. That wait can be a bastard, let your mum spoil you a bit (as long as she doesn't rearrange the cutlery draw. Mine can't help herself)

Hi @Melc503Welcome to the crumb factory. We get it.Difficult as it is, try not to get too far ahead of yourself just yet. One of the really irritating things about BC is the shifting goal posts. Your treatment will be tailored for you, so be prepared for some changes as your medical team learns more about your cancer. Things may be simpler or more complex than you were expecting. Sorry, that doesn't sound too encouraging, but it pays to take things one step at a time as the evidence is uncovered.You know, having cancer doesn't change your status on the independence scale. Many of us who have had to go through the whole performance, sometimes more than once, find you can get along with minimum assistance. You can feel like shit and still function, it's a wait and see situation. As before, you don't know until you get there. Generally people cope with cancer the same way they deal with any major upset in their lives; some immediately call everyone they know and circle the wagons, others put the blinkers on and some decide to plough on regardless.From one control freak to another, it isn't a bad idea to keep the information you give out to a minimum to start with. Having to answer 'I don't know' really burns and can lead to some unwelcome speculation from those who will want to equate your situation with their great aunt Maud, or the woman three doors down. Don't go there until you have to. Once you have a treatment plan really pinned down, it's much easier to resume your 'in control' attitude (on the outside) Good luck Mxx

Oh my goodness. I am so grateful for all the advice and support ladies. I certainly came to the right place. XX

@Melc503 What the other girls have said. Over and over. Allow your feelings. Put yourself first - every time Visits from young kids - no way. From another control freak - be aware of the difference between the need to relinquish control much of the time, and maintaining your alertness to when "processes" might be letting you fall through the cracks, or when you're not being given the answers you need; stay ready to step in and insist, or self-advocate. Trust your gut instinct. This network is a lifeline and a gold mine of information, tips and support. Lean on the people here.Fran x

Hang in there Mel. This stuff is frightening and frustrating in equal measure. By this stage a Multi Disciplinary Team --that includes med and rad oncs and your surgeon--should have had a look at you results and will have come to some conclusion about what happens next. Thing is, until you actually meet with the next round of specialists, should you need them, the information given to you is likely to be rather general. It pays to take each appointment and each set of results one at a time; surgeons are notorious for putting their two bobs worth in when it comes to what an oncologist should/will do and they are often wrong. False expectations are awful and I've personally wished they had all just stuck to their own area of expertise. Good luck. Mxx

This tuff cookie is crumbling | BCNA Online Network

32 Replies

Giovanna_BCNA
Member
8 years ago
Hello @Melc503
Welcome to our online forum. Im sorry to hear of your breast cancer diagnosis, it must have come as a huge shock for you.
You will find many generous members in our online community sharing and supporting each other here.
You may find the following links helpful in getting started.
Navigating the online community
Breast Care Nurses
BCNA Helpline 1800 500 258
If you have any questions, concerns or require any further information or support please call the BCNA helpline on
1800 500 258 to speak with a cancer nurse. The Helpline is open Monday to Thursday from 9 am till 5 pm and Friday from 9 am till 5 pm EST.
If you need some directions or get stuck please just message one of the BCNA online moderators @Giovanna_BCNA, @Marianne_BCNA, @Riki_BCNA, @Rosie_BCNA
Kind regards Giovanna
Sister
Member
8 years ago
Hi Melc503 The toughest of us crumble under this. All I can say is the local mantra: breathe and take one step at a time. You're probably still reeling and running through the full gamut of emotions. I had ILC and started with a partial and sentinel node as it was expected that was all I needed (lobular is very sneaky, however). I discussed it with the surgeon that unless indicated otherwise after surgery, that was the best. Unfortunately, the path report for me indicated a mastectomy and axillary dissection. But ductal is a different beast altogether and more than likely, that's all you'll need if the surgeon thinks so. You'll know your path better once that path report comes back. Let your family know you're struggling - you'll need their full support to get through this. And tell a couple of key friends what's going on and ask them to be the gatekeepers of information so that you're not constantly getting flooded by well-meaning phone calls, etc and let people know that you don't want to be fussed over. I have a blog that I keep updated and most of my friends read that.
Come on here and talk to people if you need to - there's usually someone online as many of us don't sleep particularly well.

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This tuff cookie is crumbling

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