Hi Leilani. Mastectomy surgery is normally not that painful. Your doctors and nurses will make sure you have adequate pain relief. If you don't, make sure you speak up and get it!
I get the not asking for help thing. I was exactly the same. In fact it was the very first piece of advice given to me by my breast surgeon and breast care nurse (by the way have you got one of them yet?). They could see that for me, accepting help was going to be a challenge. It wasn't easy but eventually I got there and of course it made a big difference. People want to be kind and help you through this rough patch. Reverse the position. If it was your friend who was diagnosed with BC, how would you feel if she wouldn't let you help?
I have four kids who all reacted in their own way when I was diagnosed. Keep them informed of where you are in your treatment, what your choices are etc. If you leave blanks they'll fill them in themselves, almost certainly erroneously! BC can't be the only topic of conversation so when they hear you discussing a social function, the footy or whatever it is that gets you chatting, they'll be reassured and settle down as time goes by. I was 19 when my mother was diagnosed (and 32 years later she's alive and kicking!) and I appreciated being kept informed.
Your family will feel relieved when they see you after surgery. Tell them what you'd like them to bring you so they and you have something to focus on.
Have you discussed reconstruction with your surgeon? There are lots of options these days. My mother had a single mastectomy and was never offered reconstruction. I never thought any less or differently or strangely of her. I was just relieved to have her alive and well.
I can tell you that I sobbed for a month solid. I could have won medals crying for Australia! Once treatment was underway the tears slowly dried up. It all becomes routine, you get over the shock, and adjust. You are changed, and that takes some getting used to (I'm still trying!), but you get a better understanding of yourself on a very deep level, and if your experience is anything like mine, you'll feel more loved than you can imagine.
It's totally normal to feel really negative at this stage. It will pass. However if it doesn't, go see a counsellor. It can be invaluable and a great relief to talk to someone outside your everyday life. You could also give the BCNA helpline a call. 1800 500 258. They're wonderful and there's nothing they haven't heard before.
Your family won't look at you differently. Your friends might for a while but eventually they'll go back to normal. It all comes from a place of love, you just have to be open to that.
They won't 'get' it though, and that's where this forum, and support groups, become so important. Everyone here has been where you are and so we understand and empathise. You come on here anytime to ask questions, have a vent or a sob. We get it.
And your family will be fine while you're in hospital for a few days. Do them good to fend for themselves!
Have you got the My Journey Kit? There's some very good bits in there about families. The BCNA publishes a very good pamphlet for partners. I got my husband to read it. Twice. He didn't get it the first time! They're in shock too.
The waiting is the absolute pits. Do what you can to distract yourself (I went for long walks and watched a lot of stupid television!). Try as best as you can to take it one day at a time. Everytime you find yourself thinking about tomorrow or the future, gently bring yourself back to the present. It's easy to say I know, but try not to cross bridges until you come to them. Breathe, be kind to yourself, and hang in there. Big hug, K xox
