Scared worried and confused

Hello lady's just wondering if any of u had a mastectomy and axillary lymph nodes surgery just wondering how long u have numbness for its been just over a week since I had surgery 

@leilani Nearly 10 months on and I'm back tending to the garden.  The beds are now starting to look like they need weeding rather than mowing.  I'm also the organiser and sorter outer around here.  I just can't do it now and honestly, I don't think I ever will to that extent again.  So many of the women who are on this forum have described themselves as organisers - I don't know whether we are the people who "stick" to this site or if there are an inordinate amount of us diagnosed with breast cancer.  No scientific evidence, but I honestly think that stress had a great deal to play in my bc.  The first thing to do is realise that the world will truck on without you sorting it out and if the mess around you is too unbearable, give instructions and disappear to another room where you can't see it.  Do what you can, when you can.  You will need your energy to deal with other things.  

@Leilani no such thing as stupid questions here - I know at the beginning of all this shit I probably asked a few I thought were stupid at the time. It’s such an emotional and overwhelming time that u will probably go through every emotion under the sun. Just remember we are all here for u xoxoo

@Leilani
Ah that is exactly what I did, only I closed  the gate to our block. I live on 5 acres 10 kms  from town. The house is in the middle of the block and screened by trees. No one can see in so you don't know if we are home. Visitors were not welcomed. I needed to hide away and lick my wounds. Problem is my husband is a gregarious  fellow and loves being with people. I like the inside of my gate and fence. I used to go and hide in my sewing room. It was my way of dealing with BC. 

There was many a plant (weed or otherwise) ripped from my beautiful tropical garden and hurled in anger at what life had dealt me. I swear  that the big old man boab tree at the end of the verandah  shook with fear every time I walked near him because he bears the scars of many boab nuts hurled at him in anger. I watered him with buckets of tears.

All that you think, feel and fear is normal. All of us have been there. It is good that you have found this forum so early in your diagnosis. I did not stumble upon it until some months after surgery. It was  my salvation. 

Awh thank you I sold my sewing machine and over locker I wish I hadn't now but when I go and do something to keep my mind active I loss it as I feel lime I shouldn't be doing it. Lime today I was out in the garden weeding I didn't do it for long and then I came back inside and said to myself that it's on to that but I didn't go back out all I did was lock myself in the room away from everyone so they didnt See me cry and be depressed 

@Leilani
I get you. I was where you are now a year ago. I honestly thought my life was never going to be the same. I could not see a future, just bleakness. All I wanted to do was sit in the corner and cry (at 66!???)
I found my mind crashed from one thought to another but never settled.  And I am a Kimberley woman. We are supposed to be resourceful, self reliant and resilient. I fell  to pieces.

Even my beloved sewing (I make quilts) held no joy and believe me give me a piece of fabric and a sewing machine and I am in heaven.

You are in no way letting your family down and sorry I am going to be blunt, friends will just have to look after themselves. This is now a time for you. I took months to learn that lesson because I am the organiser and go to person. And you know what- the club's and groups I belonged to did not fall apart because I was not there.

I have completed active treatment and am now in the monitoring / followup stage. I still have days where I wonder what on earth happened. There is not a day that goes by where I do not think about my breast cancer at least once. However life is good, it has improved. It is different. I am different. My priorities have changed. I have gained some warm and supportive online friends through this BCNA site and I have lost some friends in town. They were only fair weather friends.

Use this site for support. We have all been there. We know what it is like. Cry, let the tears flow, be sad, you have just been given a diagnosis no woman ever wants to hear. It is a shock and it is traumatic but it will get easier. Give yourself time. Do not rush things. I now only ever do an hour and one activity at a time. 

And remember my comment about  sewing - well the quilt I am working on is now 3/4's finished. A year ago, in a fit of bad temper, sadness and despair I said I would never sew again and I was going to sell all my sewing machines (5 of them!). I am glad I didn't.

Take care and warm Kimberley wishes to you along  with lots of big hugs.

Annie

Thank u I can't wait until it gets better I am over feeling this way. It feels like I'm letting my family and friends down at the moment

@Leilani Let the tears flow if you're able. You'll probably feel better afterwards. Hang in there and take some deep breaths. I know it's awful now but I promise it gets better. K xox

Thank u I am still trying to get my head around it all. Tonight all I want to do is break down in tears. I'm feeling  emotional at the moment

Thank u I'm still trying to come to terms with it all