Forum Discussion

GavinCh's avatar
GavinCh
Member
7 years ago

New To BCNA

Hello Everyone,

My name is Gavin and my wife (Karen) was recently advised she had BC (March 9th), I’ve been a rock for her and our two kids at home (we’re in our 50’s) and have advised my girls living at home that I’m there for their mums journey and will be her biggest support person, I’ve done a bit of reading over the last could of weeks through these boards and reminded our kids to be strong and positive around mum but also mentioned that it will get a bit tougher for her as the months roll on but if they needed to share worries or concerns, I would be there for them and would love the chance to share mine with them if and when needing too, however advised them we would need to do this away from mum so we can ensure she remains strong and has positivity around her.

We have our first appointment with a care team to learn more about things this week and I was wondering what I may expect with regards to her treatment (yet to know) causing tiredness etc, I was hoping to take her on a short cruise for 3-5 days to give her some enjoyment and relaxing time however I see most of the good ones are limited / full meaning the next available time could be Jan 2020. I will ask the doctors but was hoping to surprise my wife but was wondering if I should look at something else prior to commencing treatment or wait until after treatment even though I’m unsure of recovery timing.

I know each and everyone’s plan is different and my question may not be readily available for an answer, I’m just looking at things she’s been wanting to do but has never really had the time to so.

We’ve already been through a lot of health issues together and I’m just wanting to take some of that worry I see away and for me to try and pre-plan a bit.


children
coping
diagnosis
treatment

56 Replies

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  • youngdogmum's avatar
    youngdogmum
    Member
    7 years ago
    Hi @GavinCh
    After I was diagnosed last month my husband and I went to Sydney for two nights between appointments. It was lovely to feel normal and be a tourist and forget about cancer for two days. If you can’t do the cruise I highly recommend something similar. Ask your breast nurse when you meet them about timing of appointments, there is usually time to do something like this :) 
  • GavinCh's avatar
    GavinCh
    Member
    7 years ago

    Thank you so much for your replies, all noted with thanks.

    Karen is only just talking about things as she too whilst in shock does generally keep to herself even before this. To update, Karen has had the ultra sound, which looked ok but needed more investigation and as such a biopsy was done which has lead to the results received March 9th (Her birthday). We’re based in Western Australia and I feel Karen didn’t want to join BCNA just yet but I think this might be to slow down the reality of things.

    I do ask how she is and what she might need, do the small things around the house and do stop and listen and try to be someone she can off load on.

    Are their locations or forums both Karen and I can attend to start with in WA? I see one com’n up in Bunbury this month but it reads as more for the locals (small town couples of hours away.






  • iserbrown's avatar
    iserbrown
    Member
    7 years ago
    @GavinCh
    Your love and care is shining through however this is about her and how she copes and or reacts to treatment .
    There are good things available for free for us that you could look at and show her.

    https://lgfb.org.au

    Look Good Feel Better
    Especially in the middle of treatment 

    And the gorgeous people at Otis a free holiday which helps as the treatment takes it toll

    https://www.otisfoundation.org.au/page/1/about


    A cruise maybe fun later 


    Best wishes 
  • Sister's avatar
    Sister
    Member
    7 years ago
    I understand you wanting to surprise her @GavinCh but as @lrb_03 says, it's best to listen to what she wants.  For me, at the beginning, I just wanted to hibernate.  I was happy for people to know what was going on, I just didn't want to have to talk about it and I absolutely could not think of anything else.  After surgery, (2 surgeries, 2 weeks apart) there was pain from the node removal and there was also the issue of keeping the site dry and clean.  Then I had the consult for chemo a couple of weeks after that, and so on.  I guess what I'm saying is that until she has a plan, you won't know what is likely to happen, and that plan could change depending on the path report.  But ask your wife what she wants and maybe just let her know that you really wanted to surprise her.  Maybe the cruise could be kept as a treat for getting through the crap (give a decent amount of time for recovery).
  • arpie's avatar
    arpie
    Member
    7 years ago
    Welcome to the group, @GavinCh - ask away any questions that may help you and Karen thru this.  Your support for Karen will be a real asset in helping her thru this - as well as the kids' support.

    Once you've seen the team & had the tests & biopsy etc you'll have a clearer idea of a Plan of action.  There are lots of 'waits' as you wait to see the team, wait for the appointments, wait for the results, which can do both your head in a bit as well as Karen's?  

    Yep, keeping busy is really good (in my books  - it worked for me!)  I have a few hobbies that I buried myself in - and they were my saviour.

    Re the holiday - I saved mine til after I'd finished my Rads (this time last year.)  I went to Norfolk Island with some Ukulele buddies!  :) 

    Just be mindful of how Karen is coping.  It is both mentally and physically demanding.   There will be good days, there will be tough days - but both you and Karen can do this xx

    Where abouts are you (Town/City?)  Others may have info on services that are near you xx

  • lrb_03's avatar
    lrb_03
    Member
    7 years ago
    Hi Gavin, and welcome. Congratulations on finding your way here. I hope Karen does, too. 
    In terms of what to do and when, a lot will depend on your team's treatment recommendation,  and there is a large number of variables depending on the subtype and extent of the tumour. 

    In the meantime, try researching Otis retreats in your area, to see what might be available.  These a free stays offered to those going through Breast cancer treatment, and there is something available in all states. If nothing else, it could give you an idea of something to do.

    Becareful to listen to what Karen wants & needs. She may just want to keep busy for the moment until you know more about what might happen, or she might want to retreat from everything, and everyone. She may fall anywhere in between.

    How old are your kids? It's probably worth mentioning here that I don't have any, so definitely no expert.

    I would say that honesty in all your emotions is important. One thing I will also say is that endless positivity from those around you can be wearing,, and it led me to hide my emotions from family and friends.  Sometimes you just have a bad day, for no discernible reason

    I'm sure I could go on, but also sure that there will be plenty of others along to offer support