Hi everyone! It’s lovely to meet you all despite this being the location.I was officially diagnosed on Tuesday but I’ve suspected it was breast cancer for over a week since the mood at my biopsy seemed urgent (and extremely sympathetic).I’m 34 years old and first time mum to an awesome little 11 month old boy. I’ve been struggling being the default parent because of the surprisingly small amount of help my partner offers. I thought we’d be more of a team but I let him get away with doing the bare minimum early on and now it’s slipped into a pattern that isn’t sustainable. I struggle with resenting him and it’s definitely affecting our relationship. I feel especially snappy and reactive now.This diagnosis is extra troubling as I have almost lost all faith in him stepping up more. How did others navigate their parenthood and relationship/marriage challenges while dealing with their cancer journey?

https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/talking-to-family-and-friends/information-for-partners/From the website- may help!It's certainly a so and so being in this predicament. Having your partner come along to appointments may shake him into this is really happening Your medical team/hospital as well as BCNA Helpline have resources to helpAsk about a Counsellor as coping strategies will help https://www.bcna.org.au/health-wellbeing/emotional-wellbeing/

Hi @Leeloo_XS I am in a different situation to you - currently 65 and 62 on diagnosis with a hubby of 32 years.My hubby was my absolute rock through the whole thing and continues to be so.I saw a psychologist specialising in cancer related distress early on and that helped.Hard to know what advice to give to others - it’s a time where you really need those who love you to step up but some fail the test for a variety of reasons.The main advice is this is a time where you have to focus on you - the physical and emotional toll of a breast cancer diagnosis are tough .Take care and sending virtual hugs.😊

Hello from Perth too. You seem to have insight into how these unequal patterns can become embedded…you will need the partner here to step up. You don’t say what your diagnosis or treatment will entail but with a baby you are going to need to make it really clear to your partner about what you are going to need. Others recommend counselling…I think including your partner in all medical appointments is essential ❤️❤️

Hi @Leeloo_XS,You are at the scary,anxious stage where you are waiting for results and a plan to be put in place.The waiting is awful.I’ve been through this crap bc experience twice.It’s now been 20yrs for me and I seem to be ok- most women will be.As for your partner, leave your son with him for an entire day so he knows how to look after him and also has insight to how full on it can be. Now is the time to get his help with at least one chore- this will become routine and he won’t even realize it! Back in 2007,I broke my ankle and my husband had to bring me breakfast in bed- he’s still doing it! I find a written list can work with men rather than expecting them to mind read what we want done.Just start with a few things on the list. I understand the resentment- I felt it at times when my kids were little and my husband’s life went on as usual.Gather a tribe around you now because you’ll need lots of help. Coming here to ask questions and vent will help for sure.How did the PET scan go?

Hi @Leeloo_XS Totally agree with comment above about doing a list for hubby.My hubby was retired when I was diagnosed at age 62 but needed “direction “ 😊I feel for you with a young child but we have to deal with the cards we are dealt.I learnt to accept help that was offered and to say “ no” more often.The physical and emotional toll this takes is often under estimated and if you don’t look after yourself who will?Take care🌺

New mum struggles just got more challenging

13 Replies

Julez1958
Member
2 years ago
Hi @Leeloo_XS
I am in a different situation to you - currently 65 and 62 on diagnosis with a hubby of 32 years.
My hubby was my absolute rock through the whole thing and continues to be so.
I saw a psychologist specialising in cancer related distress early on and that helped.
Hard to know what advice to give to others - it’s a time where you really need those who love you to step up but some fail the test for a variety of reasons.
The main advice is this is a time where you have to focus on you - the physical and emotional toll of a breast cancer diagnosis are tough .
Take care and sending virtual hugs.😊
arpie
Member
2 years ago
So sorry to see you join our exclusive little group & sad to read that your partner is not at all supportive of you and the bub xx There may be a measure of post natal depression in there as well - so as @iserbrown says, reach out to your GP/medical team & see a counsellor sooner (than later) to get you sorted - maybe your partner should attend one meeting as well, for them to see how he interacts/not ....

You have enough on your plate just now & need all the support that you want & don't need extra stress :(

I hope his parents (and yours) are more supportive of you - and may help 'sort him out' too? xx

Jump on here to see links to various areas on the forum that you may like to explore when you have a few moments spare xxx
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/23477/a-big-welcome-to-all-our-new-members#latest

take care & all the best for your ongoing meetings & treatments xx. Consider recording all your meetings on your phone, so you can go over them later, if you need to - as it is easy to miss bits in the emotion of the moment xx Also take a trusted friend of family member with you, as physical & emotional support (and hopefully, a driver too!)
iserbrown
Member
2 years ago
https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/talking-to-family-and-friends/information-for-partners/

From the website- may help!

It's certainly a so and so being in this predicament. Having your partner come along to appointments may shake him into this is really happening

Your medical team/hospital as well as BCNA Helpline have resources to help

Ask about a Counsellor as coping strategies will help
https://www.bcna.org.au/health-wellbeing/emotional-wellbeing/

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New mum struggles just got more challenging

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