Forum Discussion
Dessi
3 years agoMember
need to connect
Hi all
I was diagnosed with Early BC on 1 Aug and had my surgery last Friday 11 Aug. Am home now feeling sore, tired and still overwhelmed. Most of all I feel guilty that I can't look after my family and do my job. I know I need help but I just don't have ability to ask for it. I don't know whether what I'm doing is right. Do I stay in my PJs and hop into bed whenever I want? Do I start exercising? should I exercise? Should I walk the 100 metres to cafe where my girlfriends want to have coffee with me? Is it ok to cry? How long before pathology and lymph node biopsy results come back? When do I get my surgeon to fill out certificate for income protection insurer (which I've been paying for 10 years and never used)? Should I be hassling him about it now or wait till post op appointment which not for another 10 days? I am educated, highly qualified with 5 children (one doing year 12 - It's shit timing!) and these questions sound so ridiculous now that I have written them down. I should know how to be!!! Surely!!!! I have always been the doer, never asked for help and now afraid that if I do I will be seen as weak. I hope no one is offended by the language but this is just "f...d"!!!!! I don't want to be that person and it really angers me that I may have to be.
I know as a minimum I will need radiotherapy and hormone suppressant therapy (the latter scares me more) and all else depends on path and biopsy results. Is it possible I am still in shock and denial?
I was diagnosed with Early BC on 1 Aug and had my surgery last Friday 11 Aug. Am home now feeling sore, tired and still overwhelmed. Most of all I feel guilty that I can't look after my family and do my job. I know I need help but I just don't have ability to ask for it. I don't know whether what I'm doing is right. Do I stay in my PJs and hop into bed whenever I want? Do I start exercising? should I exercise? Should I walk the 100 metres to cafe where my girlfriends want to have coffee with me? Is it ok to cry? How long before pathology and lymph node biopsy results come back? When do I get my surgeon to fill out certificate for income protection insurer (which I've been paying for 10 years and never used)? Should I be hassling him about it now or wait till post op appointment which not for another 10 days? I am educated, highly qualified with 5 children (one doing year 12 - It's shit timing!) and these questions sound so ridiculous now that I have written them down. I should know how to be!!! Surely!!!! I have always been the doer, never asked for help and now afraid that if I do I will be seen as weak. I hope no one is offended by the language but this is just "f...d"!!!!! I don't want to be that person and it really angers me that I may have to be.
I know as a minimum I will need radiotherapy and hormone suppressant therapy (the latter scares me more) and all else depends on path and biopsy results. Is it possible I am still in shock and denial?
24 Replies
- iserbrownMember@Dessi
Woo hoo! Onwards and upwards at a slower pace for the body to recover!
Take care
Best wishes - DessiMember@SuzyS thank you for your info. That is very reassuring. Thank you for posting. 🌸
- SuzySMemberHi, I was diagnosed in February, surgery in March, then had radiotherapy in April.
I started Letrozole in May and I have had no side effects, so don't worry about may having to start Aromatase inhibitors.
More often than not people post about side effects rather than none because they're looking for suggestions to handle them. - DessiMemberThank you for that info @Aquagirl. I can see it’s going to not necessarily be as straightforward as I thought it would be. Good advice about doubling estimate - the “I’ll be right” attitude is so me. I am self employed and my work requires not only long hours of mental exertion but an ability to present arguments/make submissions which are based in good rational and knowledgeable premises. Practically speaking I can be spending all day being constantly mentally and physically alert and then hours preparing for the next day. I can’t have “brain fog” or feel tired and fatigued - that would make my job extremely difficult to say the least. I have estimated 3 months from date of surgery but I haven’t even started the post op treatment. So your advice to double the estimate is sound. In my case I should probably triple it! Your advice to get my broker to deal with the claim itself is also sound.
I am sorry to hear that you had to endure such a long and complicated operation. I really hope that you have now bounced back but hope that you take whatever time YOU need for you! Go for it. There’s a reason why we pay high premiums for income protection year after year - they may make it difficult for us but they won’t defeat us !! - AquagirlMemberHi @Dessi
Everyone has covered pretty much everything so just some practical advice on the salary continuance insurance / critical illness insurance side. My experience was that I got my financial adviser who was the contact for the cover to do all the liaising and running around following up info etc with the insurer (they get a yearly kickback on the premium). Was nice to deal with the guy I knew not a stranger in a big insurance company to reduce stressing about it. It takes a few weeks to process. My GP and breast surgeon both really helpful signing forms altho I did try and fill in as much as I could myself first. You can email to them. I had double mastectomy with free TRAM flap immediate reconstruction so big op. Was about 12 hours all up due to complication. Altho i think i bounced back physically pretty fast, but took about 5 weeks to even think straight for any length of time and GA to fully wear off I reckon. Short stamina mentally.
One thing I'd do differently is overestimate by double the length of time I thought it would take me to get back to work. I run my own company so that's hard relying on others to do your work so thought i'd be ok sooner. She'll be right, mate! . It's not just physically but also mentally being knackered and short stamina that gets you. I underestimated at 2.5 months post surgery to start again and insurance company paid out and closed claim. Then found myself wanting to reopen it again to take pressure off having to go back so soon/ continue part time work for longer when I didn't feel up to full time yet still. Has complicated things now and they're requesting more info etc. Just working thro that at mo.
All the best. - DessiMember@gingin yes I did have lymph nodes removed - not sure whether sentinel node plus 1 or 2 others but all clear. Thank you everyone - celebrations this weekend - daughters grand final football - hopefully can make it a double celebration !!
- arpieMemberThat's awesome news, @Dessi xx. Having a good cry (of relief) is totally normal, too.
People 'think' they know how they'd feel if given a cancer diagnosis .... but in reality - they don't and WON'T until if/when they get one themself. (Hopefully not.) Even those on your TEAM really have no idea, unless they've been diagnosed themselves previously ......
When you have a bit of free time - jump onto these podcasts by Charlotte Tottman - a psychologist who was diagnosed a few years ago with breast cancer - they are a fascinating 'listen' and she fully understands (NOW) what we've all been thru, previously! It will absolutely confirm that all your reactions are 100% normal xx
https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/bcna-resources/podcasts/charlotte-tottman-podcast-series/
take care & all the best - well done YOU - GinGinMemberHi @Dessi
I am so so happy for you!!! Thank you for sharing this fabulous news with us! You should celebrate this weekend, HOORAY!
we are not whinger! We need to be around people who has the experience and willing to help us see the ‘light’. The members here are fabulous and none are judgmental.Out of interest, did you need to have any lymph nodes taken out?
Hugs and kisses xx
Gin - DessiMemberTo all my dear friends on this forum. I just got the news that the surgeon got all of my cancer - margins clear and nodes all clear too. I am so happy but so emotional - can't stop crying!! It's the first good cry I have had but it's still a win and I am glad to take it. I know the journey has only just started but I'm more determined than ever now. Thank you to all of you who have so graciously and kindly helped me so far. This is a fabulous network of women who understand and resources that are simply amazing. I have always found it difficult to communicate my feelings in person - afraid of being seen as weak and being judged. It's something I know I'm going to have work on. But here in this space I feel so much freer because each of you have the inside scoop on this and the challenges it presents us with. I don't want people around me to think that I am asking for pity or sympathy (which is why I don't ask for help easily) and I don't want to be seen as a :whinger". But truth be told I need help and sympathy and compassion and understanding - all of it from those closest to me. So I'm working on letting people in. In the meantime I have you wonderful people here on this platform who already understand, sympathise and help ... so so much, and I am so grateful. Onward and upwards ladies. We've got this!!!
- LozzMember
@Dessi - thanks and yes I have really appreciated the podcasts and the app resources as well. I love your outlook and am working on improving my positivity .. I really wish you well. 🌸 Xx