Forum Discussion
My Valentines Day Cancer
So My Story so far...
Couple of weeks ago I decided to make an appointment with a new GP to get my Mirena out.
Later that day I happened to put my hand on my chest and noticed a lump. I decided to wait for that appointment and mention it then.
Over the next 2 weeks I occasionally felt it to see if it was still there and did notice I could see a subtile change in contour of the breast but managed to not let it worry me. To be honest I thought it was just hyper vigilance due to my strong family history and just a case of "Medical student disease". I'm a GP. In medical school we are told that at some point in time we will all succumb to Med student disease and we should all have our own GP to deal with it. It describes when a med student (or doctor) reading about some rare condition worries that they have in fact got it themselves.
On Wednesday I attended my appointment. We discussed my Mirena and the reasons I wanted it out, and my GP brought up very valid reasons for keeping it, and we decided to wait to take it out. I mentioned I also wanted my Breast checked, and she wanted my overdue cervical screening done, We started "top to bottom".
She said we should fully investigate the lump, mamo, US FNA, I agreed.
She organised imaging the next morning
then as I went to leave she said "the Mirena is the least of you worries"
My heart sank and I could not get those words out of my head
Next morning my first Mammogram (I'm 44) not as bad as I thought
Then the US, I asked the sonographer how it looked, she said the Radiologist would come and speak to me, and they had a med student with them was that ok, of course.
The Radiologist said it looked suspicious, I looked at the screen, A hypoechogenic spiculated lesion, when it's obvious there is very little doubt.
She said she would rather do cores than FNA then started to consent me. As she described the local I said I was a GP, I've put in local hundreds of times. She said yes but she would treat me the same as everyone else, which was just what I needed, I'm the patient now and she was great. As I lay there as she took the biopsies I thought about the med student, that had been me not so long ago, the fly on the wall as people get bad news. The Radiologist said the Path would be back the next day and that I needed early referral to a surgeon and she would phone and let my GP know.
As I left everyone said good luck, I hated that...it meant I needed it!
I walked to my car with tears in my eyes.
Then I phoned the clinic, my GP was not in for the rest of the week,
then I phone a previous practice I worked at, spoke to the manager, she got me in with one of my colleges that day and he referred me,made the call and I have an appointment Wednesday with the surgeon
I phoned my practice manager and told her I would not be in on Friday, my head was not in a good place to be seeing patients.
Friday I phoned the lab, the results had been reported so I asked them to download them to my work, to a colleague.
I made an appointment with a different doctor at my new clinic. As I walked into his office he said my doc had spoken to him, I told him I was expecting bad news.
he handed me my path form and said, thats what you have
invasive ductal carcinoma grade 2. receptors pending.
He was amazing. I said I wanted the mirena out in case its progesterone positive. He said he hadn't taken one out in about 10 years but how hard could it be, I laughed. He did it so that I would feel more comfortable, despite the fact that waiting a few more days really would not have made any difference, and I appreciated it.
I told him how I was worried about telling my partner, his wife died of Metastatic melanoma in her 30's. Although my prognosis is way better than hers ever was, this waiting has got to bring up issues for him, and I feel so guilty about that. My Doc offered to phone him that night to let him know I will be ok. He will also phone me after I see the surgeon.
The weekend has been hard, I've just been so tired, I have had no motivation to do anything.
Today back at work.
results check, estrogen and progesterone positive, Her negative
4th patient of the day was new to the practice, she had a breast lump.
I was able to focus on her and her needs, took her history, examined her and organised imaging. I got through it in a professional and I hope caring way, but it takes a toll.
Patient in the afternoon came in for review, rescheduled from the Friday I didn't come in. Her eye had settled with the antibiotics I had prescribed, but she was still getting headaches that another doctor had put down to tension (probably correctly). But they are not like her normal migraines and she was concerned. past history of breast cancer, I decided to MRI brain to be safe, acknowledging that this may bring up anxiety for her.
It's been a rough day... guess I here for support
Couple of weeks ago I decided to make an appointment with a new GP to get my Mirena out.
Later that day I happened to put my hand on my chest and noticed a lump. I decided to wait for that appointment and mention it then.
Over the next 2 weeks I occasionally felt it to see if it was still there and did notice I could see a subtile change in contour of the breast but managed to not let it worry me. To be honest I thought it was just hyper vigilance due to my strong family history and just a case of "Medical student disease". I'm a GP. In medical school we are told that at some point in time we will all succumb to Med student disease and we should all have our own GP to deal with it. It describes when a med student (or doctor) reading about some rare condition worries that they have in fact got it themselves.
On Wednesday I attended my appointment. We discussed my Mirena and the reasons I wanted it out, and my GP brought up very valid reasons for keeping it, and we decided to wait to take it out. I mentioned I also wanted my Breast checked, and she wanted my overdue cervical screening done, We started "top to bottom".
She said we should fully investigate the lump, mamo, US FNA, I agreed.
She organised imaging the next morning
then as I went to leave she said "the Mirena is the least of you worries"
My heart sank and I could not get those words out of my head
Next morning my first Mammogram (I'm 44) not as bad as I thought
Then the US, I asked the sonographer how it looked, she said the Radiologist would come and speak to me, and they had a med student with them was that ok, of course.
The Radiologist said it looked suspicious, I looked at the screen, A hypoechogenic spiculated lesion, when it's obvious there is very little doubt.
She said she would rather do cores than FNA then started to consent me. As she described the local I said I was a GP, I've put in local hundreds of times. She said yes but she would treat me the same as everyone else, which was just what I needed, I'm the patient now and she was great. As I lay there as she took the biopsies I thought about the med student, that had been me not so long ago, the fly on the wall as people get bad news. The Radiologist said the Path would be back the next day and that I needed early referral to a surgeon and she would phone and let my GP know.
As I left everyone said good luck, I hated that...it meant I needed it!
I walked to my car with tears in my eyes.
Then I phoned the clinic, my GP was not in for the rest of the week,
then I phone a previous practice I worked at, spoke to the manager, she got me in with one of my colleges that day and he referred me,made the call and I have an appointment Wednesday with the surgeon
I phoned my practice manager and told her I would not be in on Friday, my head was not in a good place to be seeing patients.
Friday I phoned the lab, the results had been reported so I asked them to download them to my work, to a colleague.
I made an appointment with a different doctor at my new clinic. As I walked into his office he said my doc had spoken to him, I told him I was expecting bad news.
he handed me my path form and said, thats what you have
invasive ductal carcinoma grade 2. receptors pending.
He was amazing. I said I wanted the mirena out in case its progesterone positive. He said he hadn't taken one out in about 10 years but how hard could it be, I laughed. He did it so that I would feel more comfortable, despite the fact that waiting a few more days really would not have made any difference, and I appreciated it.
I told him how I was worried about telling my partner, his wife died of Metastatic melanoma in her 30's. Although my prognosis is way better than hers ever was, this waiting has got to bring up issues for him, and I feel so guilty about that. My Doc offered to phone him that night to let him know I will be ok. He will also phone me after I see the surgeon.
The weekend has been hard, I've just been so tired, I have had no motivation to do anything.
Today back at work.
results check, estrogen and progesterone positive, Her negative
4th patient of the day was new to the practice, she had a breast lump.
I was able to focus on her and her needs, took her history, examined her and organised imaging. I got through it in a professional and I hope caring way, but it takes a toll.
Patient in the afternoon came in for review, rescheduled from the Friday I didn't come in. Her eye had settled with the antibiotics I had prescribed, but she was still getting headaches that another doctor had put down to tension (probably correctly). But they are not like her normal migraines and she was concerned. past history of breast cancer, I decided to MRI brain to be safe, acknowledging that this may bring up anxiety for her.
It's been a rough day... guess I here for support
47 Replies
- Mine were 20EE Sazbe but they tried to kill me so I evicted them both ... it as all a part of us the sexuality and identity it is ok to think like that .... it is part of the process.
- No @Sabze it won't be easy. I had to tell my niece and nephew (8 and 11 at the time) that I had the same disease that had killed their mother 17 months earlier. My husband and I are raising them with my older two kids. It was the single worst thing I've ever had to do in my life. Hands down the hardest. It still turns my stomach when I think about it now. But there's nothing for it. You just have to take a deep breath and do it. Like taking off a bandaid. My husband did it with me.
My father-in-law also lives with us because 10 months before my sister died his daughter passed away from a glioblastoma. It's been difficult all the way through, and still difficult now to give rein to my emotions. He is such a wonderful, stoic, cheerful man who's had a lot of tragedy in his life (his wife died at 39 from an aneurysm). I never want to upset him with my distress. So I think I understand the stress of the consideration you're giving your partner.
That's where this forum is incredibly useful. Unload here. There's always someone who gets it. K xox - I have big boobs, it's a lot to loose haha.
quite confronting when they are so tied up with sexuality and so identity, I also don't feel ready for menopause, I'm too young, which seem such shallow thoughts when I'm also a mother of young children and my mortality has such wider implications than just me - Very close to my details @Sabze, 16mm tumour, Grade 2 - 3, ER+, PR+, HER-.
I think they like a cluster of relatives to be first degree, but the age of your aunt and cousin, and yourself, might indeed put a mastectomy on the table.
My oncologist told me that even though doctors tell their patients not to Dr Google, it's of course the very first thing they do themselves when diagnosed with a serious condition! - I have silent tears in the car with the kids in the back where they can't see.
don't want to cry in front of my partner due to what he has already gone through, but want his support, so thats hard.
I have a 5 year old and 11 year old. I will tell them after I see the surgeon and have more of a plan, I've read the leaflet on it, good advice but nothings going to make that easy - @Sabze I was furious for three weeks, and then started crying. Could have won a medal crying for Australia. I cried everywhere, at anytime of the day, but not in front of the kids. Camo crying in the shower every. single. night. for a month. It petered out eventually as chemo got underway. The first counsellor I saw (two weeks after I was diagnosed) said I had to lean into the pain. I thought she was nuts, but now I know what she meant. It was grief, those tears had to come out to process the pain.
As my husband's grandmother used to say "Better out than your elbow". Don't ask me what it means, I have no idea!
Hang in there, K xox - @kmakm Thanks, I have started on Liz's blog, I was reading it in the waiting room while waiting to see GP for path results! I know plans will very much depend on LN's which while clinically OK won't know till surgery. My internet research also tells me that if grade changes post surgery it is usually upgraded, but no point in dwelling on what we have no control over.
I initially thought likely plan would be local wide excision, radio, chemo dependant on LN. 17mm tumor grade 2 hormone postitve.
However my cousin was diagnosed aged 38, Aunt in her 40's Mum was post menopause and a few more post menopause. So wondering if mastectomy may be on the cards - @Sazbe If you haven't already, you might like to read Liz O'Riordan's blog. She's an English breast surgeon who got breast cancer and she talks a fair bit about the tension of being a patient and a doctor.
http://liz.oriordan.co.uk
You've come to the right place for support. I wish I'd never met this mob but boy am I glad I did! This place is extraordinary, for caring, concern, knowledge and support. I hope you find it as helpful as I have.
Sounds like you had a very tough day indeed. I remember well how I had to pretend I was functioning normally in those early days. It was almost like an out of body experience. Well done on getting through today.
Once you get your treatment plan it gets easier. And of course with the passing of time the shock wears off a bit. I must say though, it's 14 months since my diagnosis and I still sometimes feel like it's a dream I'm going to wake from.
Forgive me if I'm teaching my grandmother to suck eggs, but quite often the details of your diagnosis can change once your tumour is out, if surgery is first up for you. And that can change your treatment plan. Just a wee heads up.
No worries about the length of your post! We have some veritable theses here. You unload as much as you need to. We've got you. K xox - Blubbering in the shower is a known release for many of us .... it is good for our mental health to allow it out in whichever way you need to..... I remember the best rose pruning ever in sept 2012..... swearing at the universe and then saying OK I can do this one bite at a time....
- Hello @Sazbe, welcome to our online community, you will find lots of support from our online members. There are lots of support services available, dont hesitate to call the BCNA helpline on 1800 500 258 if you would like to speak with a cancer nurse for information regarding support services. It will be a huge relief to have a treatment plan in place. Wishing you all the best with your treatment.
