Forum Discussion
My Valentines Day Cancer
So My Story so far...
Couple of weeks ago I decided to make an appointment with a new GP to get my Mirena out.
Later that day I happened to put my hand on my chest and noticed a lump. I decided to wait for that appointment and mention it then.
Over the next 2 weeks I occasionally felt it to see if it was still there and did notice I could see a subtile change in contour of the breast but managed to not let it worry me. To be honest I thought it was just hyper vigilance due to my strong family history and just a case of "Medical student disease". I'm a GP. In medical school we are told that at some point in time we will all succumb to Med student disease and we should all have our own GP to deal with it. It describes when a med student (or doctor) reading about some rare condition worries that they have in fact got it themselves.
On Wednesday I attended my appointment. We discussed my Mirena and the reasons I wanted it out, and my GP brought up very valid reasons for keeping it, and we decided to wait to take it out. I mentioned I also wanted my Breast checked, and she wanted my overdue cervical screening done, We started "top to bottom".
She said we should fully investigate the lump, mamo, US FNA, I agreed.
She organised imaging the next morning
then as I went to leave she said "the Mirena is the least of you worries"
My heart sank and I could not get those words out of my head
Next morning my first Mammogram (I'm 44) not as bad as I thought
Then the US, I asked the sonographer how it looked, she said the Radiologist would come and speak to me, and they had a med student with them was that ok, of course.
The Radiologist said it looked suspicious, I looked at the screen, A hypoechogenic spiculated lesion, when it's obvious there is very little doubt.
She said she would rather do cores than FNA then started to consent me. As she described the local I said I was a GP, I've put in local hundreds of times. She said yes but she would treat me the same as everyone else, which was just what I needed, I'm the patient now and she was great. As I lay there as she took the biopsies I thought about the med student, that had been me not so long ago, the fly on the wall as people get bad news. The Radiologist said the Path would be back the next day and that I needed early referral to a surgeon and she would phone and let my GP know.
As I left everyone said good luck, I hated that...it meant I needed it!
I walked to my car with tears in my eyes.
Then I phoned the clinic, my GP was not in for the rest of the week,
then I phone a previous practice I worked at, spoke to the manager, she got me in with one of my colleges that day and he referred me,made the call and I have an appointment Wednesday with the surgeon
I phoned my practice manager and told her I would not be in on Friday, my head was not in a good place to be seeing patients.
Friday I phoned the lab, the results had been reported so I asked them to download them to my work, to a colleague.
I made an appointment with a different doctor at my new clinic. As I walked into his office he said my doc had spoken to him, I told him I was expecting bad news.
he handed me my path form and said, thats what you have
invasive ductal carcinoma grade 2. receptors pending.
He was amazing. I said I wanted the mirena out in case its progesterone positive. He said he hadn't taken one out in about 10 years but how hard could it be, I laughed. He did it so that I would feel more comfortable, despite the fact that waiting a few more days really would not have made any difference, and I appreciated it.
I told him how I was worried about telling my partner, his wife died of Metastatic melanoma in her 30's. Although my prognosis is way better than hers ever was, this waiting has got to bring up issues for him, and I feel so guilty about that. My Doc offered to phone him that night to let him know I will be ok. He will also phone me after I see the surgeon.
The weekend has been hard, I've just been so tired, I have had no motivation to do anything.
Today back at work.
results check, estrogen and progesterone positive, Her negative
4th patient of the day was new to the practice, she had a breast lump.
I was able to focus on her and her needs, took her history, examined her and organised imaging. I got through it in a professional and I hope caring way, but it takes a toll.
Patient in the afternoon came in for review, rescheduled from the Friday I didn't come in. Her eye had settled with the antibiotics I had prescribed, but she was still getting headaches that another doctor had put down to tension (probably correctly). But they are not like her normal migraines and she was concerned. past history of breast cancer, I decided to MRI brain to be safe, acknowledging that this may bring up anxiety for her.
It's been a rough day... guess I here for support
Couple of weeks ago I decided to make an appointment with a new GP to get my Mirena out.
Later that day I happened to put my hand on my chest and noticed a lump. I decided to wait for that appointment and mention it then.
Over the next 2 weeks I occasionally felt it to see if it was still there and did notice I could see a subtile change in contour of the breast but managed to not let it worry me. To be honest I thought it was just hyper vigilance due to my strong family history and just a case of "Medical student disease". I'm a GP. In medical school we are told that at some point in time we will all succumb to Med student disease and we should all have our own GP to deal with it. It describes when a med student (or doctor) reading about some rare condition worries that they have in fact got it themselves.
On Wednesday I attended my appointment. We discussed my Mirena and the reasons I wanted it out, and my GP brought up very valid reasons for keeping it, and we decided to wait to take it out. I mentioned I also wanted my Breast checked, and she wanted my overdue cervical screening done, We started "top to bottom".
She said we should fully investigate the lump, mamo, US FNA, I agreed.
She organised imaging the next morning
then as I went to leave she said "the Mirena is the least of you worries"
My heart sank and I could not get those words out of my head
Next morning my first Mammogram (I'm 44) not as bad as I thought
Then the US, I asked the sonographer how it looked, she said the Radiologist would come and speak to me, and they had a med student with them was that ok, of course.
The Radiologist said it looked suspicious, I looked at the screen, A hypoechogenic spiculated lesion, when it's obvious there is very little doubt.
She said she would rather do cores than FNA then started to consent me. As she described the local I said I was a GP, I've put in local hundreds of times. She said yes but she would treat me the same as everyone else, which was just what I needed, I'm the patient now and she was great. As I lay there as she took the biopsies I thought about the med student, that had been me not so long ago, the fly on the wall as people get bad news. The Radiologist said the Path would be back the next day and that I needed early referral to a surgeon and she would phone and let my GP know.
As I left everyone said good luck, I hated that...it meant I needed it!
I walked to my car with tears in my eyes.
Then I phoned the clinic, my GP was not in for the rest of the week,
then I phone a previous practice I worked at, spoke to the manager, she got me in with one of my colleges that day and he referred me,made the call and I have an appointment Wednesday with the surgeon
I phoned my practice manager and told her I would not be in on Friday, my head was not in a good place to be seeing patients.
Friday I phoned the lab, the results had been reported so I asked them to download them to my work, to a colleague.
I made an appointment with a different doctor at my new clinic. As I walked into his office he said my doc had spoken to him, I told him I was expecting bad news.
he handed me my path form and said, thats what you have
invasive ductal carcinoma grade 2. receptors pending.
He was amazing. I said I wanted the mirena out in case its progesterone positive. He said he hadn't taken one out in about 10 years but how hard could it be, I laughed. He did it so that I would feel more comfortable, despite the fact that waiting a few more days really would not have made any difference, and I appreciated it.
I told him how I was worried about telling my partner, his wife died of Metastatic melanoma in her 30's. Although my prognosis is way better than hers ever was, this waiting has got to bring up issues for him, and I feel so guilty about that. My Doc offered to phone him that night to let him know I will be ok. He will also phone me after I see the surgeon.
The weekend has been hard, I've just been so tired, I have had no motivation to do anything.
Today back at work.
results check, estrogen and progesterone positive, Her negative
4th patient of the day was new to the practice, she had a breast lump.
I was able to focus on her and her needs, took her history, examined her and organised imaging. I got through it in a professional and I hope caring way, but it takes a toll.
Patient in the afternoon came in for review, rescheduled from the Friday I didn't come in. Her eye had settled with the antibiotics I had prescribed, but she was still getting headaches that another doctor had put down to tension (probably correctly). But they are not like her normal migraines and she was concerned. past history of breast cancer, I decided to MRI brain to be safe, acknowledging that this may bring up anxiety for her.
It's been a rough day... guess I here for support
47 Replies
- I saw the surgeon yesterday.
She went through the scans and explained that although the radiologist called it 15mm it was a bit hard to read as it is quite irregular, and may well be over 2cm. So that was her warning shot that we won't know till its out
The cancer is quite high up in the breast at 1 o'clock. She said that it would leave a large dent in the breast if we do a straight lumpectomy and recommended a "therapeutic breast reduction". So I will have a breast reduction with lumpectomy Thursday next week. Then come back in 3 months to even out the other side.
Will obviously need radio and tamoxifen. Chemo still on the table. I have been referred to genetics councillor.
I have no idea how much smaller the breast will end up being. Im currently a 16G. My partner said as we were leaving "rather extreme way to get a boob job" :wink:
I went to the local lingerie shop today- I knew they specialised in prosthetics. So I now have a front opening bra with no underwire, Which she says I will need for moths afterwards. They come in black and nana beige! I'm only 44 and I don't even wear a bathing suit without an underwire as I need the support, and it looks terrible.
So I now have a few more practical questions.
How do you manage the lop sidedness while waiting for the other side to be done?
The lady at the shop suggested scarves. I've never been into them but I guess I could learn. They would probable get in the way when I'm doing procedures though. My main concern is that I don't really want to tell all my patients if I don't have to.
What do people do while waiting during the sentinel node scan? Ideas for entertainment please!
What to pack for hospital?
When can I get back in my swimming pool afterwards?
I'm sure there are lots more, but I'll start with that :smile: - @sazbe my shoulder aches too, I am hoping it's because I have to keep lifting my arms up. You are doing a fantastic job by being at work, well done. Take care
- Thanks for all your lovely and wise comments, and your warm welcome to the club no one wants to join.
I had a better day today at work, felt like I was making a difference in other peoples lives with out being constantly reminded of my own insecurities.
@Loobylou fingers crossed for your scan result and hugs for the horrible wait.
I've not had any scans yet, first appointment with the surgeon tomorrow. but I've had an ache in my shoulder which I'm sure is muscular but now plays on my mind.... and my exercise tolerance is pretty poor at the moment, getting puffed out with things I think I shouldn't, so I'm not panicking but it's just enough to make the wait just that bit more uncomfortable. - Oh you poor love @Loobylou. I wept through my CT too. Big hug, K xox
- I share your Valentine's Day diagnosis, and also your desire to be strong in front of others. I had my ct and bone scan yesterday and had tears rolling down my cheeks while I lay still as was in my brain for too long, plus the nurses were so lovely I couldn't cope!
take care of yourself and all the very very best X - K, go for it. Start some random names. Love didi
- @Blossom1961 I reckon a pair of big girl undies pulled up high enough to have eye holes need a new name!
- Gosh @Blondy, that's a very thoughtful thing to say. Thank you.
When people go to tell me their problems and then stop themselves, saying something along the lines of 'it's nothing compared to you', I always respond with 'no, your problems are your problems and no less valid than others'. If something is bothering you, well who is anyone to grade it on a scale?! The way I see it, the small to medium size problems train us for when the big ones arise! As they inevitably do.
We're all trying to do our best eh? K xox - @Blondy Sometimes it does feel like too much. It doesn’t matter if someone else is going through more, you still need to be able to grieve for YOU. I keep telling myself this too, because I cannot help others unless I first deal with me. My big girl panties are pulled up so high I had to cut eye holes in them, but I still feel the need to grieve. Great big snuggle hug to all you wonderful lovelies.
- @kmakm., when I'm feeling the day has too much in it, when in fact it doesn't., I often think of you and your extended family and how you are being the heartbeat of it and if at times you feel it's all too much when in fact it isn't, you especially have to soldier on as you have many depending on you. I take a look at my life and know it's nowhere as hard as yours. So I give myself a smack in the head to wake me up to dealing with whatever and know someone has it mightier than me. As for this BCNA. It had been an absolute SAVIOUR.. It is invaluable for information and support from so many. Thanks to everyone who has helped me in big and little ways, known and unknown .
