HI LADIESi was dx yesterday with infiltrative ductal carcinoma left axilla w no lump yet found in left breast under us. Having all the tests etc next tues. I am scared out of my mind last night was so bad I was shaking like a leaf all night imagining how long I have left and feeling pains everywhere thinking it’s all through my body. I’m a very strong positive person usually but can’t beleive how scared I am. I only would like positive vibes please if anyone can I couldn’t handle too much right now trying taking it all in. Please sime advice to get through this can’t stop crying and feeling like I’m in a bad dream sick to my stomach. Tips on keeping busy and when ur heart races w fear at night what do you do to relax . I will fight this w everything I got!!! Much respect and admiration for all you beautiful strong women!!!

It's a terrible shock when you're first diagnosed and don't have much real information. It's all so much white noise. Try to breathe and take it one step at a time. Has your GP given you anything to help you calm and sleep? Now's when you need some help with this if you're happy to do so. Try to arrange for someone you trust to be with you for your appointments - it's always good to have a second pair of ears. Write down your questions as you think of them so that you don't forget when you're seeing the doctor. Lot's of people gave distraction tips - I walked the anxiety off in the early days. Take care and don't be shy about coming here for support, information and the odd laugh.

Kez thank you u have no idea this has really helped! One minute I got this f###%%er .. next minute legs are jelly! Thankyou so much let’s wait n see. Doing puzzles, washing, kids, hubby!

Thank you so much Sister! Appreciate ur words.. it’s the unknown ! I will try to relax and keep busy ...have a great hubby and friends thank god. I just watched tv last night Without really watching it !! Thank god for Netflix .....I will forge ahead and do what I gotta do!! Gotta Breathe ! As all of the ladies on here have done xx

With such a surprising shock it is hard to settle about what is and what might be. If you have been fine with toileting, menstruating, eating, energy levels fine then chances are the rest of you is fine as well. We all sort of live in a twilight zone of what if it comes back somewhere but eventually you get sick and tired of living in fear and just say what ever, and get on with life. It takes a few tests to "stage" your cancer treatment. Bone scans etc. Its all about planning an action treatment and what is best to stamp out the cancer. It is worrying but you will get through it just fine and you will also get very good at sitting in boring doctors waiting rooms. Biggest tip is drink plenty of water. I imagine it also flushing out the bad feelings I have too. <3

Hi @Tillsall67,Welcome to the forum. You will find so much information, love and warmth from everybody here.It's all a blur at the start and sometimes it takes us by surprise if you are generally a strong positive person. I didn't know I could react like that. I remember too well that "yep, I got this to collapsing on the ground in a mess in the blink of an eye". Bloody awful.I too found the axilliary lump first. The breast tumour could never be felt and we chased it for a month. MRI was the only thing that could track it. Other scans were all clear.The short version is, I ended up with 25mm l/node tumour with 5 positive and 19mm breast tumour. So Lumpectomy, axilliary node clearance, chemo and radiation. Surgery went well, I had full strength back in my arm after about 6wks, no problems with lymphodema or anything else. I handled chemo pretty good, kept my hair with a cold cap, worked, help run my farm and did all my normal things. No problems with radiation either a few little skin problems but that was it and no fatigue. Sometimes it's nowhere near as bad as what our brains like to conjure up for us. Try not to DR Google too much. You are going to get bombarded with information from here on. It's all going to sound scary. However, once you have a treatment plan in action you will fell somewhat more in control. I think that is one of the hardest things, the feeling of a lack of control. It is perfectly normal to be up and down and all over the place. It's also normal to think that every little ache and pain is IT.Distract yourself as much as you can for the moment.We are all here to listen, help, encourage and hold your hand the whole way if you need us. We've felt it, we get it. Keep in touch lovley.xoxoxo

INF DUCT CA LNODE AXILLA | BCNA Online Network

Tillsall67
Member
7 years ago
I will do @kmakm ! ❤️
kmakm
Member
7 years ago
Thank you lovely. Let us know how you get on. K xox
Tillsall67
Member
7 years ago
Beautiful words @kmakm
i will remember everything you said !! Try to at least. I know a good cry or howl (!) might help! Thankyou gorgeous much love and strength to you xxx ❤️
kmakm
Member
7 years ago
If you can stay positive and upbeat that can help smooth your path through treatment. However don't beat yourself up if you can't. The pressure to be 'the good patient' is palpable at times, but often impossible to achieve for many of us.

A counsellor told me to "lean into the pain". I think she meant allow yourself to feel it because if you don't it can come back and bite you in the bum later. Avoidance can be problematic. So cry, howl at the moon, rage and vent when you need to, and you'll probably feel a lot better afterwards.

Cathartic, "providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions; causing catharsis".

Having done that you'll probably be able to manifest some positivity afterwards! There's no right or wrong way to 'do' breast cancer. Feel what you need to feel at any given moment and don't beat yourself up about it.

And come here to vent any time! K xox
Tillsall67
Member
7 years ago
Thank you @kmakm I am so grateful for yr message and tips on helping!! Amazing all these beautiful women on here that have been and are still on this journey!
Just want to get on with it!!
your encouraging words are wonderful and will help I know!!
I am normally positive and up beat most of the time but this is a whole new world xx
kmakm
Member
7 years ago
Hey Tillsall67, just pop the @ sign in front of the person's name and they'll see your post. The only time you don't do it is when it's their discussion.

The beginning is the absolute pits. I was a wreck the first few weeks. Petrified then furious then crying all the time. But it passes. As your treatment plan comes into focus and commences, as the initial shock wears off, and as you just get used to being part of the cancer world, the adrenaline coursing fight or flight agony of the start fades. There are bumps and shocks and nasties along the way for many of us (I have completed active treatment and am comprehensively down in the dumps...), but nothing compares to the bone chilling dreadfulness of the beginning.

The thing to do now is to work out for you what helps the most. For some it's knowing as much as possible, doing lots of research, asking lots of questions. Meditation helps many, there are some good apps available for your phone (I like Headspace). Some people throw themselves into exercise. Distraction was the only thing that alleviated the pain I felt at this time. Mindless tv shows were a godsend. You can enlist your friends to distract you. Journalling/blogging helps lots of people. Do you have a hobby that you enjoy? Push through and keep doing it.

For the night horrors I did a lot of 4-7-8. That's breathing in for four seconds, holding it for seven seconds and exhaling for eight seconds. Do it five times in a row. It provokes a physiological response that calms the nervous system.

No one can tell you you're going to be all right, but take comfort in the statistics that 90% of us are still going strong five years from diagnosis.

Whatever happens we're all here for you, even at 3.30am! Deep breaths, and hang in there. K xox
Tillsall67
Member
7 years ago
Thank you TonyaM it’s like yr description of things is me all over!!!! So sweet!
Not sure if I’m replying correctly
Giovanna_BCNA
Member
7 years ago
Hello @Tillsall67 sending you a private message
TonyaM
Member
7 years ago
Hi Tillsall, I was just like you- shaking all over and heart racing when I got my diagnosis on a Friday and couldn’t see my surgeon till the Tuesday- the weekend from hell! The more my heart raced,the more I thought the cancer would travel all over my body.I’m not a drinker but I turned to Irish Baileys that weekend.I cleaned out a lot of cupboards and I think I may have taken an over counter sleeper like Restivit.I was a mess.So your reaction is totally normal and once you get a plan in place you’ll feel a bit better.You are at the scary,is this a bad dream stage so just do whatever helps to calm and distract you.I’ve been through this crap journey twice- 2003 and 2010 and I’m totally fine now- the majority of women will be,so try and tell yourself that.Big hug.xx
Tillsall67
Member
7 years ago
Thank you @Brenda5 such lovely encouraging words !! Yes doing lots drinking water, of course peeing!! Lol
Once I have a plan I will b better hopefully!!
You guys did it so can I!! Roarrrr!!!
then ... shake shake... my days atm!!
Much love xx