I have breast cancer

Hi Vicki,

I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and had an urgent mastectomy followed by chemo, radiation, Herceptin, and will have oestrogen blockade in the future. I have just had a secondary brain tumour removed and am awaiting results as to whether i need more radiation and chemo etc.

Like you I have 3 kids aged 14, 11 and 10. I have found that they have coped and responded better when I have been completely upfront about the cancer. My husband left us and ran away overseas the very day chemo started, and I have had to support the children and myself this last year. It has not been easy, but I have found that by opening up and sharing my experience then friends and family, especially those school friends of my children have responded and been a fantastic support.

My 11 year old, came into hospital after my mastectomy and said, "so, how serious is this?" Bless his little heart! Kids can understand a lot more than we give them credit for and they feel insecure if they know you are hiding something from them. My advice to you is to not whisper, but to talk openly to your kids, dont let them just overhear you talk to others. Be direct and honest.

My son was also adamant that he didnt want me to get a wig. He said "Mum, everyone knows you are sick, you dont need to get a wig, just be yourself". My daughter was upset that I needed more chemo and said "Mum I dont want you to lose your hair again". I reassured her, that it would grow back again, just it had already done before.

My daughter (10yrs) has even initiated her Grade 4 class to run a Biggest Morning Tea tomorrow to raise funds for cancer. The class parents are all donating the food which will be sold to the teachers and pupils in the whole school for recess. What a fantastic community we belong to.

As Dan says, the cancer council have excellent resources for children, as do the social workers at your treatment centre. We were also given one for teens, called "What Now".

Hang in there, and let others help and support you.

Cheers Sonia  :-)

Hi Vicki,

I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and had an urgent mastectomy followed by chemo, radiation, Herceptin, and will have oestrogen blockade in the future. I have just had a secondary brain tumour removed and am awaiting results as to whether i need more radiation and chemo etc.

Like you I have 3 kids aged 14, 11 and 10. I have found that they have coped and responded better when I have been completely upfront about the cancer. My husband left us and ran away overseas the very day chemo started, and I have had to support the children and myself this last year. It has not been easy, but I have found that by opening up and sharing my experience then friends and family, especially those school friends of my children have responded and been a fantastic support.

My 11 year old, came into hospital after my mastectomy and said, "so, how serious is this?" Bless his little heart! Kids can understand a lot more than we give them credit for and they feel insecure if they know you are hiding something from them. My advice to you is to not whisper, but to talk openly to your kids, dont let them just overhear you talk to others. Be direct and honest.

My son was also adamant that he didnt want me to get a wig. He said "Mum, everyone knows you are sick, you dont need to get a wig, just be yourself". My daughter was upset that I needed more chemo and said "Mum I dont want you to lose your hair again". I reassured her, that it would grow back again, just it had already done before.

My daughter (10yrs) has even initiated her Grade 4 class to run a Biggest Morning Tea tomorrow to raise funds for cancer. The class parents are all donating the food which will be sold to the teachers and pupils in the whole school for recess. What a fantastic community we belong to.

As Dan says, the cancer council have excellent resources for children, as do the social workers at your treatment centre. We were also given one for teens, called "What Now".

Hang in there, and let others help and support you.

Cheers Sonia  :-)

I was diagnosed the day before you. I have 3 girls older than your kids, mine are 11, 13 and 19. The 19 knew from the outset but the younger 2 we had to tell. I have been completely honest with them. They initially were shattered but we all had a good cry and hug together. There is no good way to deal with this but you can't be strong for them 24/7. If they see you trying to be strong they may think they need to be strong as well. They need to know that it's ok to be scared, sad, angry and that all of these emotions are normal. If you allow your feelings to show, it also gives them an opportunity to comfort you. That in itself is good for them. The cancer council has an excellent booklet on talking to kids about cancer and gives guidelines for each age group. It's free and you can either order it online or your local treatment centre might have one. Good luck sweetheart and know that we are all here for you on your journey. Big hugs xxx Dan

I was diagnosed the day before you. I have 3 girls older than your kids, mine are 11, 13 and 19. The 19 knew from the outset but the younger 2 we had to tell. I have been completely honest with them. They initially were shattered but we all had a good cry and hug together. There is no good way to deal with this but you can't be strong for them 24/7. If they see you trying to be strong they may think they need to be strong as well. They need to know that it's ok to be scared, sad, angry and that all of these emotions are normal. If you allow your feelings to show, it also gives them an opportunity to comfort you. That in itself is good for them. The cancer council has an excellent booklet on talking to kids about cancer and gives guidelines for each age group. It's free and you can either order it online or your local treatment centre might have one. Good luck sweetheart and know that we are all here for you on your journey. Big hugs xxx Dan

Hi..

First up it's okay to be scared and cry... we all do... and you don't have to be brave. Once you have been to see your surgeon and get a plan of action things will start to feel better... trust me. It's been just over six weeks since I was diagnosed, I stil cry.. and I still feel anxious but I feel heaps better. You will find this web site amazing.

Regardng your kids.. you will be amazed at how resiliant they will be. I have a seven nearly eight year old son. I fed him little bits at a time.  I started off telling him that mummy had a lump in her breast that the doctor had to cut out so I would be going to hospital but would be home the next day. Later I told him that the special medicine I had to have would make me sick to start but I would get better. I then told him the medicine would make my hair fall out but it would grow back... maybe curly (we had a laugh) and finally (at another time) I told him the name for my sickness was Breast Cancer... that Cancer was another name for sickness. I told his school and the parents of his friends... the support from them is amazing. He's amazing... he even likes my short hair.

Take it one day at a time... go for a walk to clear your head... if you haven't already done so order the 'My Journey kit ' from this web site and ask lots of questions....

Trina

Hi..

First up it's okay to be scared and cry... we all do... and you don't have to be brave. Once you have been to see your surgeon and get a plan of action things will start to feel better... trust me. It's been just over six weeks since I was diagnosed, I stil cry.. and I still feel anxious but I feel heaps better. You will find this web site amazing.

Regardng your kids.. you will be amazed at how resiliant they will be. I have a seven nearly eight year old son. I fed him little bits at a time.  I started off telling him that mummy had a lump in her breast that the doctor had to cut out so I would be going to hospital but would be home the next day. Later I told him that the special medicine I had to have would make me sick to start but I would get better. I then told him the medicine would make my hair fall out but it would grow back... maybe curly (we had a laugh) and finally (at another time) I told him the name for my sickness was Breast Cancer... that Cancer was another name for sickness. I told his school and the parents of his friends... the support from them is amazing. He's amazing... he even likes my short hair.

Take it one day at a time... go for a walk to clear your head... if you haven't already done so order the 'My Journey kit ' from this web site and ask lots of questions....

Trina