Highs and Lows ... WAVES of whacky emotions..

Post them all @LucyE :)

@iserbrown thank you, you are always supportive. Sometimes what I mean to say sounds different in the context of the conversation. Hope you are well. xx 

@LucyE you commented you feel you have been outspoken. Hey that's what the forum is for when you have the urge. No judgment here

Love your reply Marg. I haven’t got much that’s positive from cancer either. Like you, it’s the rest of it that’s good. Great to hear you’re helping other women. I like your no fuss approach to life. I seem to have been outspoken today, which was not my intention. Must get a diary for random thoughts rather than posting them. LOL Take care x 

@LucyE I can't say I ever have moments of positivity when it comes to my disease.  I'm pretty sure if cancer doesn't get me it will be because something else gets me first. 

My positive moments go to other things. I garden and plant trees, I'm (finally) getting a degree at 56. I chop wood and dig holes and get dirty. I help out halter breaking Gypsy Cob yearlings. I ride when I can find something that will stand still for long enough for me to get on. Add that to the long  list of things of risk taking activities that could get me first.

 My friends love me despite of, or perhaps because of, my  faults and I've become an unofficial breast cancer guide for a number of women in my local community. Many know me through my former career as a librarian--where it was well known I have breast cancer--and find my no nonsense attitude helpful in that first couple of weeks when they don't know where they are and don't want their family and friends crawling all over them asking questions. Rural women can be like that. I take them to appointments and cover their arse when they don't want anyone to know what they are doing. Once they are confirmed as being 'on the bus' I personally introduce them to the local  BC nurses.  I keep getting 'referrals' which sucks.

But no. No positivity concerning the cancer. And that is OK, because that is who I am, and have always been. For me having cancer is like being short or tall, it just is. Luck of the draw, doesn't matter, I keep my positive energy for things I enjoy. 

It's a good question though in the context of Lori's thread. My mood naturally tends toward low, but when I'm high I run the risk of being manic. I'm most comfortable and most functional when running at a moderate grumble. Marg xxx

@Zoffiel, but what if you do have moments of positivity? The ups and downs often do have elements of positivity. 

@LoriB   welcome to the forum, the one that none of us really wanted to join but are grateful for. 
I think to how I would've been at your age, 28, yes I was always a confident person but I think it would've knocked me for six.  Now that I am older when I was diagnosed it was a case of a gulp, okay, what should we do next and let's get on with it!  Acceptance is a huge part of being able to cope with treatment! 
I can see by the posts above that it has stirred a lot of emotions in us all in how we reacted and still reacting to what lays ahead or where we have been recently!
If you haven't done so may I suggest that your order the My Journey Kit - it's free and there is lots of good information and opportunity within to keep a diary and track of costs and appointments et cetera

https://www.bcna.org.au/resources/my-journey-kit/

Also on here there are groups and there is one that you may benefit from - Young Women

http://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/group/10-young-women

Check out BCNA website and you'll find some good resource information as well as a phone number for counselling, they will give you some coping strategies.

Your focus has changed and it is now about getting control of BC - we're all in this together supporting each other through.  Sending you a virtual hug, please take care 

HI @LoriB,  You are not selfish.  This is an absolute bitch of a thing,  but take heart.  Once you have a  plan in place you will be surprised at how strong and resilient you are and thank goodness you've found the rotten thing now instead of later. 
But of course l have the benefit of hindsight and having been through much of what you are about to encounter.  Doesn't make it any easier for you right now I know.

Those first few weeks are a storm of uncontrollable emotions, from feeling like, I'm gonna kick this things butt, to being a babbling mess the next minute, then just going totally numb for a while.  I cried so much in those first few weeks that I actually ran out of tears. Everytime I had any kind of memory of something I had done in the past, it was like, well that was before breast cancer and would make me sad. Dealing with mundane reality like grocery shopping seemed ridiculous.

Hopefully this is not too long winded but you need to know that it will be ok and it is ok to feel like you are at the moment.  You will come to realise that you are stronger than you ever thought possible. Unfortunately a lot of what you read on google is worst case scenario, all the side effects and things that may happen.  It is much rarer to hear from the people who didn't get many, I am sure they are out there back enjoying their lives, we just don't hear from them as often.

As hard as it is...Get off Google.  We know you wont  :)
I remember my initial diagnoses was on a friday.  The pathology test said "highly suspicious for metastaic breast cancer" I started googling that the next day and pretty much planned my own funeral!  After googling myself to death this is what my brain had come up with. 

I was going to have one breast, be bald, fat (chemo side effect) with lyphodema and no sex life from here on because of the hormone treatment, plus, of course, I was going to get every other side effect I read about!
I remember receiving the "my journey kit"  I took one look at that very uninspiring piece of underwear (Jeez, could they at least make it white or put some lace on it or something) and collapsed in a heap..  My husband saw how upset it made me, packed it up, stuck it in the back of the wardrobe and that's where it sits today. Untouched. I found the best info was here from people who have done it and made it through the other side and are back on track.  

Although my diagnosis was different to yours (and I am a bit older, 45) some things may turn out not as horrible to deal with as what you first think.. Hard to believe at the start, I know.
I have a close friend who had triple neg stage 3.  Super aggressive.  Diagnosed on the Friday, in surgery Tuesday.  She had a reconstruction and reduction of the other breast (very large boobs) as soon as she had recovered from chemo. Had eggs frozen prior to chemo as she wasn't sure if she had finished having children yet. Sh'e just passed 8 yrs cancer free! 

The worst thing I found, is feeling like you have no control. 
I remember a wise woman saying to me,  you need to be one step ahead with your planning so nothing surprises you. Good advice.
 I also remember another one.  You are the pilot of this plane, put yourself on auto for 12 months and fly through the storm.   My mind was like, yeah yeah more positive analogies. If I hear one more I'm gonna be sick. I still don't want to deal with this. 
Unfortunately we have to accept the situation as there is no choice. Once you are at that stage it becomes a little easier I suppose.
 Plan and ask a lot of questions, ask if there are any options.  You'll fell like you are somewhat more in control, not breast cancer.
I went by myself or my breast care nurse came to my appointments,  not my family as they got too upset and I couldn't focus.  It was easier for me without them there.  Family and friends will always give you the positive talk as they don't and can't know how you feel. Nor do they know any other way to help. Especially the men in your life. Bless them.  

Look at your options and chose what's right for you.  There are ways to keep your hair.  I did and believe me that helped a heck of a lot dealing with the outside world.

 95% of the time now I feel the same as I ever did before and the other 5% of negative feelings I try to ignore or beat back into submission.  I went for my surgical check up last month and the surgeon said.  Wow, you look like nothing ever happened to you.  If he only knew:)

Keep in touch.  Massive hugs sweet.  XOXO

Ok so have as many whoppers as you like as long as they arent from that hungry jacks in south australia.