Highs and Lows ... WAVES of whacky emotions..
Hello. I've been floating through so many discussions and thought I'd say hello. Im 28, I received my positive BRACA result AUG 2017, and early sept I found I have a stage 3 triple neg invasive ducta...
Forum Discussion
HI @LoriB, You are not selfish. This is an absolute bitch of a thing, but take heart. Once you have a plan in place you will be surprised at how strong and resilient you are and thank goodness you've found the rotten thing now instead of later.
But of course l have the benefit of hindsight and having been through much of what you are about to encounter. Doesn't make it any easier for you right now I know.
Those first few weeks are a storm of uncontrollable emotions, from feeling like, I'm gonna kick this things butt, to being a babbling mess the next minute, then just going totally numb for a while. I cried so much in those first few weeks that I actually ran out of tears. Everytime I had any kind of memory of something I had done in the past, it was like, well that was before breast cancer and would make me sad. Dealing with mundane reality like grocery shopping seemed ridiculous.
Hopefully this is not too long winded but you need to know that it will be ok and it is ok to feel like you are at the moment. You will come to realise that you are stronger than you ever thought possible. Unfortunately a lot of what you read on google is worst case scenario, all the side effects and things that may happen. It is much rarer to hear from the people who didn't get many, I am sure they are out there back enjoying their lives, we just don't hear from them as often.
As hard as it is...Get off Google. We know you wont :)
I remember my initial diagnoses was on a friday. The pathology test said "highly suspicious for metastaic breast cancer" I started googling that the next day and pretty much planned my own funeral! After googling myself to death this is what my brain had come up with.
I was going to have one breast, be bald, fat (chemo side effect) with lyphodema and no sex life from here on because of the hormone treatment, plus, of course, I was going to get every other side effect I read about!
I remember receiving the "my journey kit" I took one look at that very uninspiring piece of underwear (Jeez, could they at least make it white or put some lace on it or something) and collapsed in a heap.. My husband saw how upset it made me, packed it up, stuck it in the back of the wardrobe and that's where it sits today. Untouched. I found the best info was here from people who have done it and made it through the other side and are back on track.
Although my diagnosis was different to yours (and I am a bit older, 45) some things may turn out not as horrible to deal with as what you first think.. Hard to believe at the start, I know.
I have a close friend who had triple neg stage 3. Super aggressive. Diagnosed on the Friday, in surgery Tuesday. She had a reconstruction and reduction of the other breast (very large boobs) as soon as she had recovered from chemo. Had eggs frozen prior to chemo as she wasn't sure if she had finished having children yet. Sh'e just passed 8 yrs cancer free!
The worst thing I found, is feeling like you have no control.
I remember a wise woman saying to me, you need to be one step ahead with your planning so nothing surprises you. Good advice.
I also remember another one. You are the pilot of this plane, put yourself on auto for 12 months and fly through the storm. My mind was like, yeah yeah more positive analogies. If I hear one more I'm gonna be sick. I still don't want to deal with this.
Unfortunately we have to accept the situation as there is no choice. Once you are at that stage it becomes a little easier I suppose.
Plan and ask a lot of questions, ask if there are any options. You'll fell like you are somewhat more in control, not breast cancer.
I went by myself or my breast care nurse came to my appointments, not my family as they got too upset and I couldn't focus. It was easier for me without them there. Family and friends will always give you the positive talk as they don't and can't know how you feel. Nor do they know any other way to help. Especially the men in your life. Bless them.
Look at your options and chose what's right for you. There are ways to keep your hair. I did and believe me that helped a heck of a lot dealing with the outside world.
95% of the time now I feel the same as I ever did before and the other 5% of negative feelings I try to ignore or beat back into submission. I went for my surgical check up last month and the surgeon said. Wow, you look like nothing ever happened to you. If he only knew:)
Keep in touch. Massive hugs sweet. XOXO
But of course l have the benefit of hindsight and having been through much of what you are about to encounter. Doesn't make it any easier for you right now I know.
Those first few weeks are a storm of uncontrollable emotions, from feeling like, I'm gonna kick this things butt, to being a babbling mess the next minute, then just going totally numb for a while. I cried so much in those first few weeks that I actually ran out of tears. Everytime I had any kind of memory of something I had done in the past, it was like, well that was before breast cancer and would make me sad. Dealing with mundane reality like grocery shopping seemed ridiculous.
Hopefully this is not too long winded but you need to know that it will be ok and it is ok to feel like you are at the moment. You will come to realise that you are stronger than you ever thought possible. Unfortunately a lot of what you read on google is worst case scenario, all the side effects and things that may happen. It is much rarer to hear from the people who didn't get many, I am sure they are out there back enjoying their lives, we just don't hear from them as often.
As hard as it is...Get off Google. We know you wont :)
I remember my initial diagnoses was on a friday. The pathology test said "highly suspicious for metastaic breast cancer" I started googling that the next day and pretty much planned my own funeral! After googling myself to death this is what my brain had come up with.
I was going to have one breast, be bald, fat (chemo side effect) with lyphodema and no sex life from here on because of the hormone treatment, plus, of course, I was going to get every other side effect I read about!
I remember receiving the "my journey kit" I took one look at that very uninspiring piece of underwear (Jeez, could they at least make it white or put some lace on it or something) and collapsed in a heap.. My husband saw how upset it made me, packed it up, stuck it in the back of the wardrobe and that's where it sits today. Untouched. I found the best info was here from people who have done it and made it through the other side and are back on track.
Although my diagnosis was different to yours (and I am a bit older, 45) some things may turn out not as horrible to deal with as what you first think.. Hard to believe at the start, I know.
I have a close friend who had triple neg stage 3. Super aggressive. Diagnosed on the Friday, in surgery Tuesday. She had a reconstruction and reduction of the other breast (very large boobs) as soon as she had recovered from chemo. Had eggs frozen prior to chemo as she wasn't sure if she had finished having children yet. Sh'e just passed 8 yrs cancer free!
The worst thing I found, is feeling like you have no control.
I remember a wise woman saying to me, you need to be one step ahead with your planning so nothing surprises you. Good advice.
I also remember another one. You are the pilot of this plane, put yourself on auto for 12 months and fly through the storm. My mind was like, yeah yeah more positive analogies. If I hear one more I'm gonna be sick. I still don't want to deal with this.
Unfortunately we have to accept the situation as there is no choice. Once you are at that stage it becomes a little easier I suppose.
Plan and ask a lot of questions, ask if there are any options. You'll fell like you are somewhat more in control, not breast cancer.
I went by myself or my breast care nurse came to my appointments, not my family as they got too upset and I couldn't focus. It was easier for me without them there. Family and friends will always give you the positive talk as they don't and can't know how you feel. Nor do they know any other way to help. Especially the men in your life. Bless them.
Look at your options and chose what's right for you. There are ways to keep your hair. I did and believe me that helped a heck of a lot dealing with the outside world.
95% of the time now I feel the same as I ever did before and the other 5% of negative feelings I try to ignore or beat back into submission. I went for my surgical check up last month and the surgeon said. Wow, you look like nothing ever happened to you. If he only knew:)
Keep in touch. Massive hugs sweet. XOXO