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mrscords's avatar
mrscords
Member
5 years ago

DCIS and feeling down

At the end of November I was diagnosed with a high grade DCIS. Having had no symptoms this was a huge shock for me. I tried to only tell close family and friends as I didn’t want to share my journey with the world. Mainly because I knew they wouldn’t really get what I was going through. I had many meltdowns with my work colleagues and my husband. I went through the whole “why me” and I went through many different feelings. Anger, sadness, relief that it was contained, denial and I was scared. I have a strong Christian faith and some wonderful church friends who were/are an amazing support. Once I shared with them what I was going through, I started to feel a sense of calmness. On Monday this week I had my surgery. I had a therapeutic reduction mammoplasty and sentinel node biopsy. Since my surgery I’ve found it very hard to look at myself without crying. As I’ve needed help to wash parts of myself in the shower and to put my compression bra on, I’ve had to rely on my husband to help. I was so anxious when he saw my boobs for the first time yesterday since my surgery. He wasn’t upset but I was. I feel like all the emotions are starting again. I have to wait till early January for the pathology to make sure all the margins are clear. Are there others out there feeling the way I do? I just thought that after surgery I would feel heaps better but at the moment I’m tired, sore and feeling sad. 
  • Zoffiel's avatar
    Zoffiel
    Member
    5 years ago
    Hi @mrscords
    Any operation that requires a fair bit of time under a anaesthetic has some flow on effects that we aren't properly warned about. The day three post-op tearies are very common--your body has had a very odd thing done to it and even without all the emotional aspects of breast cancer,  being knocked out and having bits of your body removed has some considerable side effects. It's a big deal, it really is.
    That horrible slump feeling post surgery is something many of us are familiar with. Hang in there, just keep plodding along for the time being. Christmas is not an ideal time for this stuff (not that there ever is a good time to do it) but you are stuck with it for the moment. Try to do something nice for yourself every day, even if it's just simple stuff like ignoring the housework and reading instead. MXX

  • FLClover's avatar
    FLClover
    Member
    5 years ago
    Welcome @mrscords. 
    So sorry to hear you feeling like that, but in answer to your question, yes, I think most of us if not all of us felt and feel exactly like you. Exactly the same feelings. Alternating between them. A year later, I still go through those emotions and feel some trauma from my first surgery back in April. And you need to feel those emotions, you really do. They’re a part of life and a part of you. Don’t chase them away, just acknowledge them, thank them and release them. Sometimes just sit with them until they pass. It’s a massive shock, very life changing, so it’s perfectly understandable. 
    It’s also understandable to be uncomfortable with your husband seeing you. I doubt it’s a problem for him cos he loves you no matter what, but this is about you and how you feel about it. 
    You have just started in this ‘journey’, it’s still very raw, so give it time. It’s especially stressful waiting for results. 
    I do strongly suggest asking to see a psychologist. You can see one for free through your GP. I’ve been seeing one for 6 months and the help has been incredible. I went from highly anxious and depressed, to being happier than ever. It was very tough and challenging emotional work, but boy do I feel a lot freer. 
    Do something nice for yourself please, because you deserve it. And do it regularly. And check in here whenever you need to. It’s a safe space with wonderful ladies. 
    Hope you had a Merry Christmas ♥️.
    Mon Xx