breast cancer roller coaster

@CateH I think it's not uncommon to feel emotional once chemo is done. I too found it very hard going, I gained LOTS of weight and was just exhausted all the time and just so darned depressed. My end of chemo was a bit of an anticlimax really. By this time everyone was a bit over it and didn't really appreciate how significant it was to me. ...as it really tooks its toll and I truly felt like a marathon runner dragging myself across the line. If course for me I was back still having herceptin. Recovery was slow and I thought I'd be ready to try to return to work in 3 weeks only to realise I needed yet another month. I was teary and finally able to grieve for what I had lost...my boobs, my hair, my figure, my energy and the biggest, my ability to feel that I could make plans for holidays and retirement etc...as I was so scared I wouldn't even make that age or be able to do any of it. Slowly slowly though my energy returned, I tackled my weight  and I am slowly reclaiming my life and thinking of myself as a survivor. For how long? We don't know that but I'm  determined to continue to believe I am cancer free and just get on with living not waiting to die. The shift was gradual and then it basically was because I chose to believe it. Hoping your radiotherapy goes well and that you just take time to geal from this assault on you, both physically and emotionally. Kath 

I think breast cancer is a bit a a roller coaster for all of us in one way or another.  I was diagnosed mid Jan after a routine mammogram.  My tumour was small and so was told a lumpectomy and radiation would take care of it.  Unfortunately it was a lot more aggressive than they expected and there were cancer cells in the lymph nodes so all of a sudden chemo was on the table.  Had my last chemo two weeks ago, hated it, the fatigue and various other side affects have knocked me around and I have put on weight and feel uncomfortable in my body.  Don't like wearing a wig, way to hot and uncomfortable with all the hot flashes, so have a collection of scarves and hats.

I start radiation next week and will have to stay away from home as with the fatigue I couldn't manage the 2.5 to 3 hour drive each way without killing myself or someone else.  I am so pleased to be finished chemo and am not too worried about the radiation and yet for some reason at the moment I'm extremely emotional, crying and don't know why.  I for one am looking forward to getting off the roller coaster, however I guess that is a long way off with the years of hormone blockers, doctor visits and the not knowing if the C word will raise its ugly head again somewhere down the track.

It's a sad time when we join this club, but quickly after joining does this 'club' make us welcome and feel "we are not alone" and we're surrounded by other club members who really 'get it'. Welcome. Thanks for sharing this part of your journey and I look forward to sharing all of our journeys together here.  I had a vision of a type of Wagin train or horses being ridden and other riders and wagons joining in at different parts if the trail. Others leaving to start a dufferent journey. 

It's a shame we aren't surrounded by a group of breast cancer survivors when we are told our diagnosis. In a perfect world we could be taken away to a lovely BC hotel with people there with information, support and TIME to digest the news.  Our closest family and friends would be there to be trained and counselled also so we are forming a community of bonding and support. 
Just reading all the information in the pack. Working through the grief cycle or getting over the shock is huge.  I know we've come a long way with breast cancer support, information and special nurses ( of which I've not been given name of one or anything) but we need to get people in here quickly so they can 1) see how many supportive people are on here. 2) see how many survivors there are and 3) so they can rant, vent and express honest emotions they may be afraid to show relatives/friends. I know I was very closed to discussing any of my thoughts or feelings as I didn't want to upset anyone nor be seen as self pitying. 
Food for thought and something to work on in the future.

Good one!  My GP refers to be as "High Maintenance, slight pause, medically"

Brenda5 said:

Doesn't mean we're going to die from breast cancer, tell your friends, it just means we're high maintenance.

That's a project for someone.

No certainly not planning to die anytime soon! and yes breast cancer seems to get the most attention and funding, which is good for us, not so good for other types of cancer

Doesn't mean we're going to die from breast cancer, tell your friends, it just means we're high maintenance. Prior to bc I would see the Dr once a year and the receptionist after many annual visits joked I was in the special frequent flyer list lol. Now I have to be a bit more attentive and see the Dr a lot more often. Just a cold or flu can for me become quite serious and I take a couple of vitamin C tabs every day to help me gain some resistance to illness. There are all sorts of side effects we have to be attentive to but we womble on ok and none of us are ready to throw in the towel on life just yet.

Hi @Cassina, I won't ever forget what was said to me by the surgeon at breast screen when I was called back for biopsies, ultrasound and mammogram. We all already knew I had Bc but the surgeon told me I was going to be OK and that bc is still perceived as a death sentence by the public but that there is a whole myriad of survivors in the community that just go on with their lives and no one (except loved ones, friends and associates ) know that they have experienced Bc.  I am so happy that I've been diagnosed in a time where not only are treatments so variable but also that this network is here and available and filled with so many who are living beautifully fulfilling lives and are achieving milestones that dispel beliefs that you become the walking dead once diagnosed. A huge hug to you and don't let others even try to dampen your spirit.  You've got this and we're here to support you. Xx Cath 

Thanks, and yes, it makes them feel better, however it frightens me, they think you must be about to pass away and it stops you being hopeful and positive! Which so far this site has helped me feel. I have also developed a scarf obsession and have gone for bright colours and feel good! yes getting fat with chemo and each week different side effects! Its a lottery! ( also I no longer look in the mirror, what I see frightens me! ( think I am in denial) 

Yes I had the peope praying for me and I thought well what the heck....if it makes them feel better and it helps all giid.

I didn't work as wasn't well enough. The chemo unit was just down the corridor of my work place. I always felt out on public display and took a long time to dress and do make up so didn't look sick (then got annoyed at people telling me how well I looked ...great makeup) 

My diagnosis was cut and dry. Sudden fixed lump. ..bc shape, positive biopsy. Didn't make it any easier though.

I really thought I'd wear a wig but hated mine. I developed a scarf and hat obsession.

I had a new wardrobe as I got really fat during treatment. ..another reason I looked so well. 

This site was a great spot to vent and get support. I foubd it gave me a circke if friends that really just got it.

Hope treatment goes well. Kath x