Forum Discussion
A tiny inflatable boat in a huge storm
Like many others, here I am joining this not-so-sought-after club- and feeling very much like a tiny inflatable boat in a stormy sea.
I‘be just been diagnosed this week, although the process has been a bit back to front due to how busy things are during COVID. It feels like everything is happening all at once. Every day this week my understanding of my situation has radically changed. My brain is struggling to comprehend.
What I know so far is that it is 99.9% likely that I have inflammatory breast cancer. Even before the biopsy the doctor was prepping me for the likelihood of chemo starting next week (🙀👎💩). But now, having received my FNA and core biopsy, the appointment has been moved up to tomorrow. Understandably I am freaking the @&$! out!
My rational brain knows this is “bad but good”. Bad news, but good to have modern medicine, urgent care, to know this is happening in my body.
I’m struggling to keep up with the pace of things, let alone telling people in my world AND figuring out what to do as a self-employed business owner.
Finally I come to my question: for those of you who have been in this “new diagnosis shock” stage, what are the things you think can wait, and what are the things a person should focus on at this time? Eg/ should I be worrying about my business right now? How much should I let everything fall apart?
I‘be just been diagnosed this week, although the process has been a bit back to front due to how busy things are during COVID. It feels like everything is happening all at once. Every day this week my understanding of my situation has radically changed. My brain is struggling to comprehend.
What I know so far is that it is 99.9% likely that I have inflammatory breast cancer. Even before the biopsy the doctor was prepping me for the likelihood of chemo starting next week (🙀👎💩). But now, having received my FNA and core biopsy, the appointment has been moved up to tomorrow. Understandably I am freaking the @&$! out!
My rational brain knows this is “bad but good”. Bad news, but good to have modern medicine, urgent care, to know this is happening in my body.
I’m struggling to keep up with the pace of things, let alone telling people in my world AND figuring out what to do as a self-employed business owner.
Finally I come to my question: for those of you who have been in this “new diagnosis shock” stage, what are the things you think can wait, and what are the things a person should focus on at this time? Eg/ should I be worrying about my business right now? How much should I let everything fall apart?
Well, that turned into an essay-length vomit of all my feelings but having read other posts, I know I’m not alone in this weird state of diagnosis mind!!!
(Thank you to all the posters on this site for your generosity in sharing your painful experiences, searching the threads has been really useful and helped me to gain a little more perspective with everything I read).
(Thank you to all the posters on this site for your generosity in sharing your painful experiences, searching the threads has been really useful and helped me to gain a little more perspective with everything I read).
33 Replies
- Thank you so much @Cath62 and I’m so sorry that you have had to deal with this - and so much treatment too. That is some very hard-won wisdom right there!
Putting myself first is often quite hard, not because of some sense of martyrdom but because it’s just my natural inclination and my field of work to help other people! I am so used to being in that mode and I enjoy being useful, being kind, having an impact in other peoples’ lives. I see myself as capable, sensible, able to get things done. You’ve made me realise that it is quite a shift for me for stop and accept help, and also that there is no way to “do cancer right” or be a model patient. I don’t know how yet but I have to let go of some of those ideas and just be kind and useful to MYSELF first.
I’ve also made an appt with my psychologist, so I hope she’s ready for all this introspection 😂😂😂 - Hi @RiotAtMidnight,
Great advice from everyone. It is a massive roller-coaster ride but you sound like you have all the skills and the right attitude to get through it. This group is so supportive and there is no judgement here which is great.
I have some experience in balancing many things in very hard times however if you can put yourself first during treatment that would be a bonus for you. Actually you must put yourself first in this as you are the most important person in all this.
My medical team all suggested to me that if I could exercise during treatment above all else it would help me get through it and it did. I didn't work at that time and I had a very supportive husband to help me too.
What support do you have for helping at home or in your business? Can you draw on that support? Many people asked what I needed so if you have people who ask you what you need, don't hesitate to let them know. This is the time to make yourself the number one priority. Do whatever you need to get through it all. It may not mean letting your business go but without knowing what your business is it is hard to advise on that.
It can be overwhelming all this stuff. Consider mindfulness, mediation, nutrition, exercise and support including counselling. You will make it through it all. I have had surgery, chemo, radium and now the hormone suppression and i sm doing well. I have one more surgery next month but all good.
Btw I really like your name riotatmidnight. That's how it is sometimes in this. Take care and let us know how it all goes. Sending you a hug 🌷 - Thanks @Blossom1961. It does appear to be relatively new and not available at all hospitals apparently. One week from diagnosis to chemo is one HELL of a ride, so I’m really grateful for all the advice and experience.
- @RiotAtMidnight I was only offered the herceptin so the extra drug might be a newbie. I was hormone -ve on both counts also, so no hormone blockers for me.
- Thanks @Sister - that is a good reminder to get some of that support in place. No doubt some grim days are ahead psychologically- it’s inevitable at some point. And that I can’t control or anticipate how this is going to be for me so I just have to accept that.
- I can't help with any advice about a business but I guess it will depend on the potential for colleagues to help and flexibility, even if it's just flexibility for appointments.
As has been said, it's a suck it and see scenario. I couldn't have worked productively but others are fine. It's good to be able to use this time for planning if your brain will let you focus. And don't be afraid to reach out for counselling if it gets too much. For me, as for many, I coped okay for months until suddenly I didn't.
Best wishes. - You seem to have a great sense of humour
- Thanks @Zoffiel - I’ll start fashioning a life raft from things I find around the house. So far I have half a plastic Christmas tree, a dog bed, some old sheets, and a broken tennis racquet... If I get my Macgyver on I just might make it yet.
- Or, of course, you can be a battle ship...
https://www.military.com/video/logistics-and-supplies/naval-equipment/warship-takes-on-massive-waves/1910420040001
