Forum Discussion
A new member and really wishing I wasn't
Received diagnosis on Feb 24th of Ductal Invasive Carcinoma Grade 2 in left breast after Mammogram with Breastscreen. Fortunately Dr de Viana was the one who gave me my results and I later found out he was one of the best here on the Gold Coast for surgery and treatment. I was in shock and we had a cruise organised with family flying from Perth & Melbourne to join us in Singapore then cruising for two weeks back to Brisbane. I discussed this with Dr and he said two weeks cruising would be good.
So back to Dr on March 17th the day after arriving home and he scheduled surgery fro Wed march 29th as I had to go off blood thinners a week before.
I managed to put the cancer to the back of my mind a lot of the time on the cruise as I was "tour guide" for a group of six first time cruisers and two we had cruised with before. I kept very busy and only had one dream that included cancer and it was very tame.
I have had depression for over fifty years and take antidepressants and now a mood stabiliser and without going into a lot of detail am taking a LOT of medications for heart disease, diabetes insipidus, thyroid and now realise I have anxiety. My anxiety takes over and physically changes my wellness into diarrohea & a continual feeling of sick in the gut. And today I am having trouble keeping busy to block the thoughts and consequent feelings.
I had at major shift in my thoughts on Friday morning in the shower and cried thinking how angry how I had ignored my left breast throughout this. I felt very sorry I had ignored it and decided on an old therapy from another time of surgery - to think positive and change things little by little - those I have control over - and feed my body only good foods, nurture myself etc.
But like another bowling ball thundering down my alley towards my "pins" id taken three weeks to stand back up - I go a phonecall from the Breastcare Nurse saying the MRI * recent ultra sound picked up another lump in the same breast - this one at 5 oçlock. Previous one at 2 oçlock and they thought it might be a satellite of the other one. Therefore need another ultrasound ASP and another biopsy on Tuesday 11am.
They also found another lump in the right breast that they thought might be benign - BUT I am worried and would like that biopsied too at the same time so I only have one anaesthetic (Had major clot on the lung & pituitary tumour in the past)
I am scared beyond belief and cannot believe how quickly things have changed - AND not for the better. I am imagining the new lump is an offshoot of the other one as it is invasive and so I am wondering if they weill suggest mastectomy - I am petrified about chemotherapy. I was prepared for the wide incision and the sentinel node biopsy - but this seems too much right now......
I haven't told my family as I don't want to worry them unnecessarily about the extra lump until I know what it actually is. But that seems to be adding to the stress.
Ive got the journey kit and read a lot and thought I had it sorted - what it was - the surgery and what I needed to do.... \But now I feel back in the shock and denial stage I was till Friday. Guess this is normal - but I hate it! It's like \I have a thread from my brain through my gut straight to my bowels as the vomiting and loose bowels is immediate......
Guess it is also normal to feel alone and afraid to reach out to anyone due to feeling like a nuisance and there's nothing anyone can say except you'll be fine" But I don't know that right now.
They say a problem shared is a problem halved and I hope this will bring some relief just from putting my thoughts and eelings on here. Hope that's what this is for.......
Ive had a lot of illnesses in my family and myself but I never wanted to EVER go to an oncology department..... Guess I should be careful what I wish for..... And sometimes what we put our energy on festers.....
Soo many thoughts running around in my head - and ive managed to come out of major illnesses efore with positive thinking, reading Louise Hay etc, doing affirmations, relaxation and meditation but I can't seem to connect to this........ It's like its not real or maybe my previous way of managing things like this is to dissociate and that's what I'm doing on an unconscious level;.....
|Sorry folks this is a ramble - but its how my head, thoughts and emotions seem right now.
Thank you for the opportunity to :uload" share - rant on here. :) <3
So back to Dr on March 17th the day after arriving home and he scheduled surgery fro Wed march 29th as I had to go off blood thinners a week before.
I managed to put the cancer to the back of my mind a lot of the time on the cruise as I was "tour guide" for a group of six first time cruisers and two we had cruised with before. I kept very busy and only had one dream that included cancer and it was very tame.
I have had depression for over fifty years and take antidepressants and now a mood stabiliser and without going into a lot of detail am taking a LOT of medications for heart disease, diabetes insipidus, thyroid and now realise I have anxiety. My anxiety takes over and physically changes my wellness into diarrohea & a continual feeling of sick in the gut. And today I am having trouble keeping busy to block the thoughts and consequent feelings.
I had at major shift in my thoughts on Friday morning in the shower and cried thinking how angry how I had ignored my left breast throughout this. I felt very sorry I had ignored it and decided on an old therapy from another time of surgery - to think positive and change things little by little - those I have control over - and feed my body only good foods, nurture myself etc.
But like another bowling ball thundering down my alley towards my "pins" id taken three weeks to stand back up - I go a phonecall from the Breastcare Nurse saying the MRI * recent ultra sound picked up another lump in the same breast - this one at 5 oçlock. Previous one at 2 oçlock and they thought it might be a satellite of the other one. Therefore need another ultrasound ASP and another biopsy on Tuesday 11am.
They also found another lump in the right breast that they thought might be benign - BUT I am worried and would like that biopsied too at the same time so I only have one anaesthetic (Had major clot on the lung & pituitary tumour in the past)
I am scared beyond belief and cannot believe how quickly things have changed - AND not for the better. I am imagining the new lump is an offshoot of the other one as it is invasive and so I am wondering if they weill suggest mastectomy - I am petrified about chemotherapy. I was prepared for the wide incision and the sentinel node biopsy - but this seems too much right now......
I haven't told my family as I don't want to worry them unnecessarily about the extra lump until I know what it actually is. But that seems to be adding to the stress.
Ive got the journey kit and read a lot and thought I had it sorted - what it was - the surgery and what I needed to do.... \But now I feel back in the shock and denial stage I was till Friday. Guess this is normal - but I hate it! It's like \I have a thread from my brain through my gut straight to my bowels as the vomiting and loose bowels is immediate......
Guess it is also normal to feel alone and afraid to reach out to anyone due to feeling like a nuisance and there's nothing anyone can say except you'll be fine" But I don't know that right now.
They say a problem shared is a problem halved and I hope this will bring some relief just from putting my thoughts and eelings on here. Hope that's what this is for.......
Ive had a lot of illnesses in my family and myself but I never wanted to EVER go to an oncology department..... Guess I should be careful what I wish for..... And sometimes what we put our energy on festers.....
Soo many thoughts running around in my head - and ive managed to come out of major illnesses efore with positive thinking, reading Louise Hay etc, doing affirmations, relaxation and meditation but I can't seem to connect to this........ It's like its not real or maybe my previous way of managing things like this is to dissociate and that's what I'm doing on an unconscious level;.....
|Sorry folks this is a ramble - but its how my head, thoughts and emotions seem right now.
Thank you for the opportunity to :uload" share - rant on here. :) <3
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- Gold Coast people - re radiation - Apparently you can go through the public system and presume that would be the new G C Hospital at Southport. Apparently parking is a really nightmare there and expensive.... Anyone there recently?
also by all that I have read on here and in other info by BCNA most people choose Dr and hospital private and then do the radiation public. My Dr estimated the 5-6 weeks to cost $3500-5000 Out of pocket expenses if done through private medical benefits. Just the hospitalisation, Dr, radiology MRI and surgery have cost $5000 out of pocket so far - How do people on a pension afford this when we already pay $400 a month for Medibank Private. My husband and I are on seniors pension and it feels like the government aren't caring about us over 60's with breast cancer. No more free mammograms, $500 for an MRI etc etc. :( - Hi Di & Lisa. Thanks for your input here - Its is SUCH a great forum for us - to rant, whinge, ask questions and share information...... I got talking to a lovely lady today who also had Dr Gushan do her mastectomy and she's about to undergo the second soon. It is amazing how may people have had breast cancer and whose lives have been touched by it. Hopefully as better diagnosis and treatments become available the people whose lives have been touched by it and people surviving it will increase.
It is so nice to know there is someone here to "talk to": who really gets it! Hubbie is part ostrich - with his head in the sand nothing affects him..... I am anxious/excited/keen/nervous for the results of my surgery and node biopsies tomorrow but guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
Again thank you to all the wonderful people here listening, writing, supporting and generally "being here". :) <3 - I think what all of us really need when first diagnosed is just to have someone who understands how we feel. I was fortunate to be working with Di when I was diagnosed last July and the support and information she gave me was so valuable. With our wonderful teams of medical specialists and bc sisters and brothers on this forum we have the strength and support to get through this.
I hope today is a good day for everyone.
Jane xx - @sandramj Welcome. I only joined this network last week and wished I had when I was first diagnosed 28th November 2012. I was in a state of shock too as I had previously lost my sister to breast cancer and thought this can't be happening. I had a 7 cm tumour in my left breast with satellites under my nipple and sentinel node involvement. I all of a sudden became very reclusive and surrounded myself with my family. I had to have 3 months chemo which I commenced on the 22nd December to try and shrink the tumour as I did not have clear margins. The chemo was definitely not what people had led me to believe. I was given anti nausea drugs etc to take prior to my treatment. I would dress in bright colours on the day of chemo and kept positive. I had my mastectomy in March 20th 2013 and then another 3 months chemo and 6 weeks radiation.
It is all very scary because of the unknown.
I was also lucky enough to be under Dr Gushan as my surgeon and specialist who has been magnificent. The breast care nurses are there for you. I am 4 years on from my mastectomy and now looking at reconstruction. I have been back at work for 3 years now. I am fortunate enough to also have a work colleague Jane who has been amazing support for me and of whom has been through a diagnosis of Breast Cancer who encouraged me to join this network and continues to support me.
I am also on the Gold Coast . Please feel free to share your concerns. The ladies on this forum are so amazing and supportive. Stay positive . Di xx - So glad surgery went well rest up now..one major hurdle over on your road to recovery praying results are good for you..
take care Pam xx - Yes thats quite standard, and medication will depend on your diagnosis, its tough the waiting, but sounds like youre in good hands :) so hang in there. xx
- Thanks Melinda. Dr said previously I would have 5-6 weeks of radiation and may need medication. Unless biopsies change those plans. Hope less is best. :). <3
- Until you get full pathology you can't be sure of what your treatment would be yet, nothing not even biopsies are definitive. Lumpectomy is the only way of knowing for certain. If Radiation is required honestly, its literally minutes once you are on the table and its like just having a scan thats it. Takes more time traveling everday 5 days a week there getting undressed and dressed. The actual process isnt long at all. :) Melinda xo
- I get results of node biopsies on Thursday but I have been reading everywhere I can see mentioning radiation and wonder how long each session takes please?
- @sandramj Im so glad you are home and recovering. I think you are so right and we forget sometimes to trust the process. Hoping for some more good news for you and I love your attitude that no matter what you will be ok and be able to deal with it. Don't stress about Radiation, its cumulative and painless..I did burn towards the end and solugel cleared it up within a week, honestly very doable. xo
