46 / Hi / Comfort of knowing you guys are here /(IVF link?)

Hi @Bean73. Welcome, and congratulations on forming cohesive sentences at this stage! You're already amazing.

I didn't tell anyone outside my household what was going on until after the pathology was back on my tumour, it had been removed, a sentinel node biopsy had been performed (to see if the cancer was in my lymph nodes or not) and I'd had a second operation to get clear margins. And then I sent my husband to tell my parents!

There's no right or wrong in the shitshow. You just do you, and block out anyone who has issue with that. People are going to say a lot of weird shit to you. Take what you like and ignore the rest.

The first big decision you'll make is whether you go public or private. BC treatment can be very expensive so think carefully. We all have different experiences of both systems; again, there's no right or wrong.

Signing up to BCNA's My Journey online tool is a good thing to do. Good info clearly expressed. Stay away from US forums, their healthcare system leads to some dreadful experiences. Anything fro. Macmillan in UK is good.

If no one offers one to you, ask about a breastcare nurse. They can be a huge ally and a fount of information, comfort and a conduit to your medical team.

There's a ton of information but that's probably enough for now! Take things one day at a time, put one foot in front of the other and you'll get through. This is the worst bit I promise. The biggest of hugs to you lovely, K xox

PS And you might find this amusing along the way!

Dear Bean73

Thank you @kmakm ❤️

 hugs heading your way @Bean73 this is the best place to come to for help. 
My GP was on the ball as well with getting me in quickly I went through the local cancer clinic saw the surgeon in her room after my clinic appointment with oncology. Fortunately the breast surgeon operated public as well as private and I went through the public system for everything but her appointments. Hardest part for me was the loss of income. I was only casually employed at the time so super got hacked quite heavily. 
Going private or public is purely your choice. And also what you can afford to do. 
I did find I needed someone with me at my appointments the information overload was amazing and still is. I caught on quickly to having a second set of ears that took the notes and always had a list of my concerns at the ready.  
Telling family is the hardest part. My aging father didn’t take it too well. Took my sister-in-law and brother with me for that one. 
You do find out who your friends are throughout this
the People on this site feel like real friends those trusted ones that you can tell anything to without fear of feeling silly or stupid, even though I’ve  never met any of them in person.
Keep us posted if you feel like it. Or just browse the site. The search bar is handy

Hi @Bean73,

Stinks to be here lovely, but welcome.  It's a white hot fear that runs through you when you first find out.  The start is just plain awful and your brain just won't quit thinking about all the worst case scenarios.  The roller coaster of emotions is indescribable to someone who hasn't felt it.  Once you have  more facts and information you feel somewhat more in control.

Definitely seek out a Breast care nurse to help you navigate the brand new language you are about to learn.
Everybody searches for "what caused it" at the beginning.  Your injections probably had nothing to do with it considering how recent they were and so many of us have no family history.
Rest assured, you did nothing wrong. Just plain out sucky bad luck. There is no room for guilt in this trip. 
Check out your insurance thoroughly. A lot of people are very surprised at just how much you can be out of pocket.

I wouldn't write your studies off yet.  Some  of us get through this shit show relatively functional.  There is nothing to say you won't be able to continue when you've got your head around this mess. At the very least it will give you some distraction.

Keep talking to us lovely.  We get it. It doesn't feel like it at the moment but you've got this.
xoxoxoxo

Hi @Bean73, big hugs for you. I was told by a nurse that she dropped her private health cover as you get just as good care ( if not better sometimes) in public. But it’s great that you can still see the surgeon privately and quickly as the waiting time to get appointments in the public system is frustrating. Christmas/ new year was not the best time to get diagnosed.

We told both sides of our families as quickly as possible as it was Christmas and hard to keep something like that to ourselves. For my family we sent a private group message to everyone which was a mistake in the end as my poor sister has a terminal brain tumour and it was a big shock to her. Should have been more sensitive. 

Reaching out is what this forum is all about @Bean73. Someone is always here for you. We all get it, precisely unfortunately! But you'll get through, rest assured.

There are a lot of services and charities out there to ease the experience. If you have chemo there's Look Good Feel Better. And the Otis Foundation provides properties for free holidays.

I got onto meditation early as a way to manage my distress and fear. It was a great help. There are so many apps. I tried a few and settled on Headspace. It has a course specifically for cancer.

Sleep is an enormous problem with this diagnosis and the treatments. Headspace has a huge suite of sleep meditations, wind downs and sleep sounds. I imagine many of the others do as well. Sleeping pills can be excellent to knock you out when you are desperate. Doctors seem reluctant to hand them out, so many of us have used them once a week as a 'treat' for example. Have a chat with your GP or oncologist if you think it's going to be an ongoing issue.

I hope today goes as well as possible. Hang in there and let us know how you get on. K xox

Hi @Bean73,
fingers crossed it's very early BC. Good luck. :smile:

If you need it, take time off. Blame it on Corvid-19 if necessary but do what you have to. But if you feel well (remarkably, some of us do) think about work as a great distraction from dwelling on things you can’t fix. Best wishes.

It's too early to make big plans.  This time after diagnosis is a vacuum and not one for making any decision that doesn't need to be made.  With your husband overseas, you probably do need someone to lean on and take to appointments - friend, family?  Someone with a level head that you trust.  And as for work, is there someone in a high enough position you can ask to keep things confidential but run interference for you?  (Actually, they're obliged to keep it confidential if you ask for that.)  Remember, you don't have to go into details with anybody, even friends.  You are perfectly within your rights to say that you're going to tell them something but you're absolutely not ready to elaborate or answer questions.  For me, I bunkered down after diagnosis.  My husband told his family (had no choice as his Mum was looking after the kids at the time), and I spoke briefly to 2 key friends and asked them to pass on the info to others but that I did not want people calling me.  Everything went out to the friendship groups through them until I started a blog a few weeks later.  At work, my line manager knew I had the appointment - I sent an email to her and another manager that night.  They acted on my wishes as far as letting others know.  

It's hard for you in particular with your husband away but we're here to sound off with whenever you need it.