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terrymoore's avatar
terrymoore
Member
13 years ago

so they say "try and stay postive " AGH!!!!

Oh such well meaning words!! and listen I do not doubt for one minute that they are said with well meaning BUT!!! there are some days when you want to scream at them and say.........."What about..........my head hurts I have a permanent low grade head ache, i'm aching and  tired all the time, my brain is cloudy, my mouth is sore, I range between diahorrea and constipation and now Im battling with nausea and heaving, yes heaving - its not vomiting thats for sure.

I say to my hubby as I'm pacing and angry sometimes "im sick of being sick ...im tired of being tired and Im weary of being weary" I've lost all my hair but its still growing on my chin and upper lip ...AAGGHH!! whats that about..lol

Do I sound a Tad angry ??? I am this morning only because I've got chemo AGAIN in 2 hours.

Yesterday I was full of life and laughter, oh well say la vie. Here we go again !! 5 down .... 5 to go ....over half way....

So yes Ill stay positive as much as I can

Love to you all my venting friends

what would I do without this website

Cheers

Terry

10 Replies

  • NaturalBel's avatar
    NaturalBel
    Member
    13 years ago

    Lucky to be out......hahahahahaha.  You know I feel you pain, anguish, frustration and agree with everything you have said.  My husband says "I am so proud of you"  for what I think to myself, breathing? doing the housework?  Oh, by the way, I have a very dry sense of humour if you dont know me...(smile).  I am so brave apparently, some say, and once again I think what am I brave about, walking through a doorway and taking a lift to the fourth floor of a hospital?  Ya get the picture.  Those meaningless comments said by those who love us, are meant to be supportive and I remind myselft that is how I will take it.  Our state of mind and way we are is of little choice of course, but one thing I am grateful of is that sense of humour that slowly comes back just in time for the next hit of Chemo.  I try not to get on-line when I get cranky, because more than likely I will wind up treading on peoples toes.  On-line as in Facebook or email, but here I can be brutely honest, as grumpy as I like and fling as much mud as possible... because my friends, Im talking to you.  The people who get it.  Love Bel

  • terrymoore's avatar
    terrymoore
    Member
    13 years ago

    yes snails pace is such a great description aagghhh!!! its 10.40 and it feels like lunch time lol. I think its because Im so low on energy and do less so time does seem slower when Im busy the time goes fast..

    Im into my 18thweek of chemo side effects..i had 4 IV paint strippers now Ive had 1 IV double combo and chemo tablets everyday ... 3 more rounds of this as well.. not nice ..

    Just rang Mum to see if shes home ...naa shes out and about ...oh well

  • terrymoore's avatar
    terrymoore
    Member
    13 years ago

    yes snails pace is such a great description aagghhh!!! its 10.40 and it feels like lunch time lol. I think its because Im so low on energy and do less so time does seem slower when Im busy the time goes fast..

    Im into my 18thweek of chemo side effects..i had 4 IV paint strippers now Ive had 1 IV double combo and chemo tablets everyday ... 3 more rounds of this as well.. not nice ..

    Just rang Mum to see if shes home ...naa shes out and about ...oh well

  • terrymoore's avatar
    terrymoore
    Member
    13 years ago

    thanks Jandy

    yes that statistic is a good one I think. I dont think its realistic to think we can be positive and centred and calm etc etc..when as if fighting for our life isnt enough we also have all the dreadful suffering that chemo brings. i think on the scale of things Im doing good . i cope as much as I can and I cry to let it out. I scream when its appropriate and I laugh when I look back and think WOW did I really do that or say that lol. i see the funny side in retrospect and thats a good thing.

    When this is over I will probably forget most of the really bad days . I have always had a gift of that but i will retain the feelings of how I fought even on tthe bad days and never never gave up even when screaming out the words WHY ME!!!

    If this is a test of strength or fortitude or resilience or courage then I am very high in the class of 2013, and will graduate with honours come the end of the year as weall will

     

    love to you all

    Terry

  • terrymoore's avatar
    terrymoore
    Member
    13 years ago

    thanks Jandy

    yes that statistic is a good one I think. I dont think its realistic to think we can be positive and centred and calm etc etc..when as if fighting for our life isnt enough we also have all the dreadful suffering that chemo brings. i think on the scale of things Im doing good . i cope as much as I can and I cry to let it out. I scream when its appropriate and I laugh when I look back and think WOW did I really do that or say that lol. i see the funny side in retrospect and thats a good thing.

    When this is over I will probably forget most of the really bad days . I have always had a gift of that but i will retain the feelings of how I fought even on tthe bad days and never never gave up even when screaming out the words WHY ME!!!

    If this is a test of strength or fortitude or resilience or courage then I am very high in the class of 2013, and will graduate with honours come the end of the year as weall will

     

    love to you all

    Terry

  • terrymoore's avatar
    terrymoore
    Member
    13 years ago

    thanks Cheryl yeh plants are great I love my herbs I tend to them like children. They are all in pots on my retaining wall so I dont have to bend down to care for them and it grows every year . at present I have ...parsley, mint, all year basil, oregano, sage, thyme, chilli, rosemary, coriander, and 5 kinds of spinach, oh and a HUGE lemon grass bush ( massive) a curry plant  and last but not least a very sick looking dill . i dont eat them all but it makes a lovely bunch if Im visiting someone and they look and smell fantastic. I do use them a bit but not nearly as much as I could.

    Thanks for cheering me up and focussing me on fun things

    thankyou

    Terry

  • Cherylek's avatar
    Cherylek
    Member
    13 years ago
    Hi Terry, it's ok to not be positive all the time. Who is, sick or well? It's ok to be angry, cranky, tired or hate the world. Another one I hate is, you're doing really well. Um what about all the nagging pains I have that I try to not worry about? Or the side effects don't get me started on those. I'm not sure which chemo you are doing at the moment but I found week 7 of Taxol to be the hardest so far emotionally. I think if you're feeling well enough, a little retail therapy wouldn't go astray. I dragged myself up to Bunnings and bought some nice flowering plants, pots and potting mix with some birthday money I had gotten three weeks earlier. When I felt up to it potted them out myself, and I must admit I do enjoy going out and looking at them and watering them. Regards Cheryle:)
  • Cherylek's avatar
    Cherylek
    Member
    13 years ago
    Hi Terry, it's ok to not be positive all the time. Who is, sick or well? It's ok to be angry, cranky, tired or hate the world. Another one I hate is, you're doing really well. Um what about all the nagging pains I have that I try to not worry about? Or the side effects don't get me started on those. I'm not sure which chemo you are doing at the moment but I found week 7 of Taxol to be the hardest so far emotionally. I think if you're feeling well enough, a little retail therapy wouldn't go astray. I dragged myself up to Bunnings and bought some nice flowering plants, pots and potting mix with some birthday money I had gotten three weeks earlier. When I felt up to it potted them out myself, and I must admit I do enjoy going out and looking at them and watering them. Regards Cheryle:)
  • Cherylek's avatar
    Cherylek
    Member
    13 years ago
    Hi Terry, it's ok to not be positive all the time. Who is, sick or well? It's ok to be angry, cranky, tired or hate the world. Another one I hate is, you're doing really well. Um what about all the nagging pains I have that I try to not worry about? Or the side effects don't get me started on those. I'm not sure which chemo you are doing at the moment but I found week 7 of Taxol to be the hardest so far emotionally. I think if you're feeling well enough, a little retail therapy wouldn't go astray. I dragged myself up to Bunnings and bought some nice flowering plants, pots and potting mix with some birthday money I had gotten three weeks earlier. When I felt up to it potted them out myself, and I must admit I do enjoy going out and looking at them and watering them. Regards Cheryle:)